|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:01 am
Okay, so here's the deal.
I've been working where I currently do for about two or three months, and (around end of November of 200 cool and there's this girl at work and from the moment I met her I thought she was wonderful, and it didn't even occur to me until I found out she was dating another female coworker that she was interested in girls at all. But since she's taken, I don't worry about it, that is, until a week later, about two weeks after I started working there, she went through a break up with 'other coworker' and blahblahblah. Now, I am a pretty open bisexual (except for to my parents, which, well, yeah) and she knew this from the beginning. However, I left it at we're friendly coworkers cause who wants to even think about relationships after your ex cheated on you with the opposite sex and denied it afterwards. Well, this is where it gets interesting. End of December, beginning of January, she gets a little flirtatious, like, when she walks by she nudges me, when she comes in on her day off to dork around she always makes a note to talk to me. She also likes to do the "Oh, what are you drinking? Can I have a drink?" thing, and of course I always let her, and when she got really sick at work the other night, made it a point to let me know she was leaving before she left (I felt so bad for her, she was sooo obviously sick =[ ) She also, when I call back to grill (I work in fast food, I'm going to college, what do you want from me?) and ask where the food is she always says cute things to me like "I promise it's coming RIGHT now. -insert melting smile-" Very flirtatious, you see? Maybe it doesn't sound like it, but it is.
But see, then there's random days where she isn't like that, not often, but sometimes, like, maybe once a week, or every two weeks. That's what really throws me off. And her mixed signals are driving me insane, what should I do? Cause I'm reallllllllly shy when it comes to girls, so I'm stuck.
And then, insert New Years Eve girl, I met her on New Years at a party, and at midnight, after apparently asking her boyfriend of the time, she kissed me when everyone was watching the ball drop. Not like, on the cheek, she planted one. And then, a week later, her boyfriend moves away and basically ditches her. And even before then, she wanted to hang out with me, go to the beach and blah blah blah, and it's increased overtime, and now she's semi-seeing another guy, but the advances towards me still exist. I'm really confused here though, and from the moment I met her, I fell in love with her in the 'bff' sense, not the OMGIWANNAMARRYYOU kind of way.
So, with all that said, can anyone give me any smidge of advice before I lose my mind? (And no, I'm not asking for someone to explain to me how I can have both of them because that is not the case, that's not even cool. I'm just asking for...help? Please?)
Thanks guys. <3
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:48 pm
Hi, wow, that's quite the history. Um, where to begin?
Okay, first of all, you can't ignore the possibility (I said possibility, not for sure) that it's some sort of elaborate joke, so, keep an eye open as you deal with her. I mean, trust is earned, not given, but too many people give it away.
Still, it's quite possible she is genuinely interested in you, so the question become one of "how"?
Two distinct possibilities here.
One she's using you to get to her ex-boyfriend, or her ex-girlfriend, in other words, she's pretending to like you so you'll respond and s/he'll see this and then she's hoping s/he'll react in someway.
Two, she's either Bi, and wants the best of both worlds at the same time, or she's not fully come out of the closet, to herself, let alone anyone else, about being gay. Hence the problems with boy and girlfriends, perhaps.
So much for the scary possibilities, so what to do?
First, decide if you really want a relationship with her. If so (and it sounds like you might) then what sort do you want? Right now it sounds like friendship, and that's cool, but just take a bit of time to think it over and be sure. It always helps to know what you want before you get into these things.
After that, you have two courses of action, either "wait and see", give her time to decide what she wants and see if she moves closer to you, or try a direct approach,and tell her you are interested, but as long as she wants to play games you just aren't going to get involved beyond being friends. The second one will be harder if you are shy, but it will be the better approach as it opens up communication on the subject and also lets her know the limits and what to do to get past them.
In either case, you will end up putting the ball in her court as the saying goes, and she will have to decide what she wants and and then you can either be bff, or you can explore the idea of OMGODIWANNAMARRYYOU!!!
I would be careful, but not scared. She's just had trouble with both a boyfriend and a girlfriend, be aware that there might be something about her that is part of the problem. Remember also, just because the two of you start dating won't mean everything's better, you could end up becoming just another ex too. So I recommend that you go for friendship, and, as she unscrews her heart and head, if it's right, you can get closer.
One more thing, whatever you do, don't have sex right now, even the so called recreational stuff puts a lot of emotional pressure on a relationship, and if it's not a solid friendship to begin with, sex usually ends up toppling the relationship rather than rescuing it.
So, hope for the best, give it a good try, but don't forget to expect the worst, that way you will be prepared whichever way it goes.
Here's hoping this will be of help and encouragement to you, and best of luck with finding the right one, whoever s/he is. ^_^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:30 am
Haha, well.
See, it's two different girls I was talking about in the situation. The first doesn't ever see her ex-Girlfriend, sooo. I don't think she's trying to get back at her, and she told me, yes, told me, I didn't ask, that she doesn't want to see her anymore after she got a text from her ex saying she wanted to see her. *Sigh* Life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 7:04 am
Well, the flirting, to me, doesn't sound too serious. I'm like that to people I don't even know just out of habit. You have to consider that maybe you're just over-reading her signals.
The other girl sounds much more interested in you. If you want, you should go for her.
There's also the third possibility of just going without a girlfriend. If you're in college and working, time, I can imagine, is short. I've seen too many people with good friendships start dating and then things fall apart because they can't spend enough time together.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
