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 Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:22 pm
I reckon we need a page for celebrating the wisecracks and stupid lines of Firefly and Serenity. (Gag reel also!) My favorites:
Nathan Fillion How much is that geisha in the window? Y'know, people watch Firefly and they think; oh you guys must have a great time...the hijinks that ensue. Well, truth is, there are no hijinks--we're absolutely serious. We're very professional, and we never, ever, make mistakes. *grin* *fumbles with the camera* How d'you turn this ********' thing off?
Mal Reynolds Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket, and... This distress wouldn't happen to be in someone' pants, now would it? Well isn't that something....I knew you let her kiss you. and my all-time favorite.. Bwa.
River Tam He looks better in red! My food is problematic. Simon, you're such a boob. Bullet through the brainpain squish!
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 6:43 pm
Jayne Cobb "Hey 'ey 'ey them ain't kosherized rules..." "Far as I see it, you people've been given the short end of the stick ever been offered by the human soul in this crap hill 'verse... but you took that end... and ye...well, ye took it... and that's... and well I guess that's somethin'..." "There's somethin' about that that's downright unsettlin'." Wash "Yes, this is a fertile land and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land... and we will call it... This Land... I think We Should Call it Your Grave! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! Ahaha, mine is an evil laugh... now die! Oh no god! Oh dear god in heaven..."
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 6:49 pm
I somehow feel compelled to write out the screenplay for every episode... lol
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 7:01 pm
I figured someone would do the This Land monologue. Mal Reynolds Hey, have you got time to do my hair? And in the spirit of misbehavin' and indecency... Kaylee ...months now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers don't run on batteries!
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:47 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:49 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:50 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:51 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:52 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:53 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:54 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:55 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:56 pm
Ariel
[The crew talks about their upcoming visit to core planet Ariel while they eat.]
Wash: Big stop just to renew your license to Companion. Can I use "Companion" as a verb?
. . .
[Jayne hawks some spit to help polish his knife.]
Simon: Could you not do that while we're… ever?
Wash: So, two days in a hospital? That's awful! Don't you just hate doctors?
Simon: Hey!
[Unobserved by anyone, River pulls a huge carving knife out of the kitchen rack.]
Wash: I mean, present company excluded.
Jayne: Let's not be excludin' people. [grins] That'd be rude.
[Suddenly, River slashes Jayne in the chest.]
. . .
River: He looks better in red.
[Coached by Simon, the crew prepares to impersonate emergency medical technicians.]
Mal: Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn't bring 'em back.
Simon: They were cyanotic…
Mal: They were cyanotic…
Simon: … and not responsive…
Mal: … not responded— responsive…
Simon: … and we were unable to…
Zoë: Res—
Mal: Resuscitate them!
. . .
Simon: Which methods did you use?
Zoë: We— we tried pulmonary stimulators, and— and cardiac… we…
Simon: Infusers.
Zoë: Infusers!
. . .
Simon: What about cortical electrodes?
Jayne: Oh! [long pause] We forget 'em.
Simon: Let's try that again.
[Cut to a montage of ambulance construction scenes and continued medi-speak rehearsals.]
Mal: Pupils were fixed and dilapitated—
Simon: Dilated.
Mal: Dilated. Dilated! Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng! Shiny.
. . .
Jayne: Unable to get a neural…
Simon: Response.
Jayne: Response! Hell, I don't know. If I wanted schooling, I'd-a gone to school.
[The newly-minted "ambulance" opens, and the three faux EMTs emerge.]
Simon: If I didn't know better, I'd say you're ready to save some lives!
Mal: Now all we need are a couple o' patients.
Simon: Corpses, actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead.
Jayne: Huh. I'm starting to like this plan.
[Mal worries about Jayne's commitment to the comatose Simon and River.]
Mal: Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That's bound to make anyone a mite ornery.
. . .
Jayne: The doc did good, comin' up with that job. Don't mean I like 'im any better. Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash. Maybe I'll give him a tattoo while he's out.
[The faux EMTs wheel in their body containers, ready to do their spiel to get them to the morgue.]
Emergency Nurse: What do you got?
Mal: Got a couple DOAs. By the time we got there—
Emergency Nurse: Take them down to the morgue.
[Mal looks at his stunned team. Zoë begins to wheel her container in, but Jayne just stands there.]
Jayne: We applied the cortical electrodes, but we were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient!
[A doctor is hassling "EMT" Mal for his insubordination.]
Doctor: You must be new. Don't get comfortable. Your type doesn't last long here. When your supervisor hears about the rude and disresp— AGHHH!
[He collapses. Behind him, Zoë lowers defibrillator paddles.]
Zoë: Clear.
[On the diagnostic table, River screams.]
River: No! No! No. They come out of the black. They come when you call.
Simon: River, it's ok— it's, it's over. We're leaving.
[She looks straight at Jayne.]
River: Your toes are in the sand.
Jayne: And your head's up your—!
Simon: Hey! Back off.
[Mal and Zoë wheel out the medicine-laden containers.]
Wash: How much did we get?
Mal: Enough to keep us flying.
Zoë: Can we fly somewhere with a beach?
Wash: Maybe a naked beach?
[Wash and Zoë go into a passionate embrace.]
Mal: Cut it out! The job's not done till we're back on Serenity.
Zoë: Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.
[Simon thanks Jayne for his apparent resistance to arrest, unaware that Jayne had called in the feds himself.]
Simon: I appreciate you trying.
Jayne: You know what I'd appreciate? You stop flapping that pretty mouth at me.
Mal: Just once, I'd like things to go according to the gorram plan!
[As the two blue-gloved men slaughter the feds, nearby, River starts to panic and run.]
River: Two by two… hands of blue… two by two… hands of blue…
[Jayne fires a fed's rifle at a locked door, but it has no effect.]
Jayne: Shee-niou high-tech Alliance crap!
[Inara returns from her Companion checkup to find Kaylee the sole inhabitant of Serenity.]
Inara: What's going on here?
Kaylee: Oh, well, let's see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Captain 'n' Zoë are off springing the others got snatched by the feds!
[Mal has Jayne locked in the cargo bay, with the door open to the dwindling atmosphere.]
Jayne: What're you takin' it so personal for? It ain't like I ratted you out to the feds!
Mal: Oh, but you did! You turn on ANY of my crew, you turn on me! But since that's a concept you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place here.
. . .
[Resigned to his fate, Jayne calls Mal one last time.]
Jayne: What're you gonna tell the others?
Mal: About what?
Jayne: 'Bout why I'm dead.
Mal: I hadn't thought about it.
Jayne: Make something up. Don't tell 'em what I did.
[Mal relents and closes the door.]
Mal: The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.
[River sees another syringe in her brother's hand.]
Simon: I brought some medicine. Do you remember why we went to hospital?
River: It's time to go to sleep again.
Simon: No, mei-mei.
[He clasps her hand tenderly.]
Simon: It's time to wake up.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:57 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:59 pm
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