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 Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 7:25 pm
As people with Asperger's, we have a lot of difficulty dealing with physical contact and with communicating and understanding others.
However, as people, romance and sex are a major part in the lives of most of us.
So I decided to start a thread where we can talk about all of these topics. Ask questions, give answers to others, and give advice.
Topics dealing with any of the following are acceptable:
-asking out that cute/hot/gorgeous guy/girl/man/woman
-kissing
-dating (where to go, who will pay, what to do and not to do, etc.)
-sexual experiences (how to get used to being touched, talking about it with your partner, etc.). Remember to keep it PG13.
-what people look for in romantic and sexual partners
-marriage, and anything to do with it (proposal, divorce, etc.)
-getting along with your boyfriend/girlfriend
-break-ups: how to say "it's over" and how to deal with them
-"am I ready for sex?"
-"am I gay/straight/bisexual/asexual?"
-"is he/she right for me?"
-"does he/she like me?"
As necessary, though, there are rules:
1. Keep everything PG13. If you go outside PG13 bounds, it's against the Gaia TOS. As I stated in the rules, all TOS violations get reported to mods.
2. Keep this about the communication and expression aspects of relationships. Topics such as unplanned pregnancies (unless it's maybe about how to tell others), contraception (unless it relates to talking about it with your partner), and so forth are probably not suitable.
3. Do not be judgemental of others, or try to push your opinions on others. For instance, simply yelling "Premarital sex is wrong!" or "You don't need a boyfriend at 15!" is not in any way helpful in dealing with situations. I feel that this goes on far too much in the Life Issues forum on Gaia (to the point that it is a problem), and I do not want it to happen here, too. If you want to debate, please go to the "Off-Topic Debate Thread".
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:27 am
Hmm... it's been said before, but I'll say it again...
What in the world are we doing asking other Asperger's for relationship advice?
It's like the blind leading the blind... quite literally actually, being such blind in relationship issues and such.
Okay. Done.
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:35 am
Takari Forever Hmm... it's been said before, but I'll say it again... What in the world are we doing asking other Asperger's for relationship advice? It's like the blind leading the blind... quite literally actually, being such blind in relationship issues and such. Okay. Done. Here, we can find people who can at least understand our problems. Not everyone in this guild has Asperger's. Some are friends/relatives/SOs of people with Asperger's. This means they can give us advice with some knowledge of how Asperger's people think.
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 6:03 am
I agree with Takari--the concept of Aspies giving relationship help is akin to the blind leading the blind.
On the other hand, on the off chance a non-Aspie ever finds their way in here, this might be a pretty valuable resource, and in any case it'll prevent Life Issues-eque threads in the main forum.
So...okay. Huzzah. Erk.
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:59 am
The only advice I can give is this. Start driving and buy a car.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 1:05 am
I've had two girlfriends in my life. The first was the daughter of a friend of a friend of the family who seemed really sweet at first and was rather attractive. Then I realized that she was man hungry and a gold digger. I decided not to date her (I asked her out but circumstance never allowed it) and she turned into a junior stalker. She finally moved on just last year... The other was a really nice (if slightly overweight) girl whom I had nothing in common with, and I mean nothing. I liked computers, she did TV. I liked hiking, she had bad asthma. I walk everywhere I go, she's a speed demon with car. All told, I would love to have continued a relation with her if we had possessed even a bit of common ground, but there was nothing. I true pity... Mysterytrip The only advice I can give is this. Start driving and buy a car. I don't see how driving can help out much. I never drive if I can help it, and it hasn't been a hang up in either of my relationships.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:19 pm
Shatari I've had two girlfriends in my life. The first was the daughter of a friend of a friend of the family who seemed really sweet at first and was rather attractive. Then I realized that she was man hungry and a gold digger. I decided not to date her (I asked her out but circumstance never allowed it) and she turned into a junior stalker. She finally moved on just last year... The other was a really nice (if slightly overweight) girl whom I had nothing in common with, and I mean nothing. I liked computers, she did TV. I liked hiking, she had bad asthma. I walk everywhere I go, she's a speed demon with car. All told, I would love to have continued a relation with her if we had possessed even a bit of common ground, but there was nothing. I true pity... Mysterytrip The only advice I can give is this. Start driving and buy a car. I don't see how driving can help out much. I never drive if I can help it, and it hasn't been a hang up in either of my relationships. Chicks usually go for guys with cars.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:24 pm
Mysterytrip Chicks usually go for guys with cars. I disagree. If a girl likes you, your car is optional. It's merely a convenience for going on dates. Hey, while we're talking about it, where would be a good place to take a date? I don't exactly live in a metropolis, so it's a little hard to take a girl out. I don't care for movie theaters, since nothing good ever plays and it's hard to get to know each other at one. My perfect date would involve going on a 7 mile hike and then coming home to play D&D, so as you can see, I'm sort of hopeless when it comes to entertaining...
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 9:47 pm
Shatari Hey, while we're talking about it, where would be a good place to take a date? I don't exactly live in a metropolis, so it's a little hard to take a girl out. I don't care for movie theaters, since nothing good ever plays and it's hard to get to know each other at one. Everyone has a different idea of what equals a "good date". I live in the city, so it's relatively easy to find places to go. I love the arcade. I love star-gazing when I am in the country. When I volunteered at an animal shelter, walking dogs made a good date, too. And, oh my god, amusement parks! We all have different tastes and things we enjoy doing, so the "perfect date" is hard to figure out. Here are more things some people seem to like. Everyone's tastes are different, so you may come across some girls (or guys, if you date them) who love these things, but you may not. Coffee and food places are usually my first recommendation for one's first time dating a particular person - you get to talk with and know the person, and food is universally loved! -concerts -theatre -museums -coffee and resteraunts -skating -art galleries -sports events -camping trips -hiking
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:06 pm
I strongly recomend camping and hiking, but not for a first date. Going hiking with someone you care about, provided you are both in good shape, is a great experience.
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 1:13 am
Ten Words I strongly recomend camping and hiking, but not for a first date. Going hiking with someone you care about, provided you are both in good shape, is a great experience. I always found the idea of a camping date really romantic... Being outside in the quiet, no noise around you but the sounds of nature and nearby water... It sounds more sensible after you've known the person for a while, though. Like I said, I think the best "first date" choice is simple resteraunts or coffee dates.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 6:07 am
Mysterytrip Chicks usually go for guys with cars. I would disagree with your statement here. I may have a car, but I do not have a licence. Meaning my car is useless, I don't even talk about it to many people, only thoes that actually know me enough to come over to my house. I can assure you, even I was asked out by girls once or twice. Girls don't go for cars, sorry...
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 9:48 am
Avey Mysterytrip Chicks usually go for guys with cars. I would disagree with your statement here. I may have a car, but I do not have a licence. Meaning my car is useless, I don't even talk about it to many people, only thoes that actually know me enough to come over to my house. I can assure you, even I was asked out by girls once or twice. Girls don't go for cars, sorry... I agree. I have a car, and I drive myself where I want to go - that's the mindset of women born after 1960. Women that love cars love cars, not the men who drive them. If a woman shows interest in a man just because of his vehicle, the only long-term goal she has it to marry him, divorce him, and take the car.
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Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 3:57 pm
SunflowerGoddess Ten Words I strongly recomend camping and hiking, but not for a first date. Going hiking with someone you care about, provided you are both in good shape, is a great experience. I always found the idea of a camping date really romantic... Being outside in the quiet, no noise around you but the sounds of nature and nearby water... It sounds more sensible after you've known the person for a while, though. Like I said, I think the best "first date" choice is simple resteraunts or coffee dates. My first date was a roller rink. *sigh* I'm so 80's... She didn't tell me it was a date until about halfway through. She turned to me and said, "You realize this counts as a date, right?" On the sunject of "blind leading blind," I have Asperger's but I'm actually pretty goodwith relationships. On the inside.My problem is remembering to stop saying "What?" or "I don't understand..." When I am pretty sure whats going on. I help people with their relationships. So, you can come to me. If you need help or anything. 'Kay? "I'll be there forrrrr you/ (I'llbethereforyou) I'll be there for you...."
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:36 pm
I need advice, it's not about any kind of dating thing, but it is a relationship issue, becouse I've been betrayed by my best friend.
She has blocked me on MSN messenger, and has been letting me talk randomly whenever we do chat, responding with ya or hmmm or even random emotions. It really hurts me that she has done this and lied to me all this time. How did I find out? She was still on an older MSn messenger and checked that. She was indeed online alright.
I can't trust her anymore, and it's that reason that hurts me this way, I need advice on how to get over this tragedy in my life before i resort to slitting my wrists.
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