|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:50 pm
So, my life is pretty distressing. Last year, my parents divorced and my dad went to live in another town, and later in the year my grandfather, my mom's father, died. She's been very distressed, and even more so now that she's in the newspaper business, and they're laying people off like crazy. Since nobody buys the newspaper anymore, they're losing the business. She's afraid she'll lose her job.
And sometime last year, she got a new friend, named Channing. I don't like Channing; he's old, creepy, and doesn't say much besides, "Mmhm, mmhm, mmhm... right... mmhm..." and only when my mom talks to him. He came over to our house Monday night for dinner, and stayed long afterwards.
I refused to go to bed until I was sure he left, and since I knew him from how much my mom talks about him, and I absolutely DESPISE him, I argued a lot over his presence. I argued to my mom that she goes over to his house, like, every other night, and stays until four in the morning if not later. Once I didn't see her for days on end.
So, while I was yelling at her, I started to rant about her being a giant pain in the butt with her BOYFRIEND coming over and her going over to his house all the time, doing GOD KNOWS WHAT, and being a neglectful jerk to the rest of us. She doesn't take care of the family anymore, so my older sister is the new parent of the house. My dad can't do anything, because he lives miles away.
I boiled it down to one statement: If she doesn't either get rid of her boyfriend, Channing, by summer, I am going to move in with my dad, whom I hated before but would rather be with than her. She said that was fine. I went to bed, and had no idea when Channing finally left.
So what do I do? Should I reconcile? Should I keep to my promises for my own good? Should I keep trying to heal her bad relationships? (btw, Channing has horrible friends, too, whom my mom hangs out with a lot. Her staying with her so long has been destroying both her and us.)
Help?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:41 am
parents no longer perceive children as a blessing, obligation, or duty. They perceive children as an expensive dog/hobby to brag about later to their friends at the bar.
This is an important thing to keep in mind when you are trying to give your mother a choice between
A: a whining pet and all around financial burden
and
B: a boyfriend, AKA economic stability, meal ticket, free alcohol, and weekly orgasms.
When you assess the situation appropriately, you will realize our society has changed for the worse, and the choice you present to a parent is like asking your employer to please double your wages or fire you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:14 pm
What is best for you, would be the best choice in that situation. It isn't the job of children to take care of their parents, it's the parents job to take care of the children. If your mother isn't fulfilling her duties as a mother and you feel that you would be happier/safer/in better conditions with your father than you should stick to your decision to move in with him. Even if you love your mother and hate to see her stuck in such a bad relationship it is important to take care of yourself and make sure you and your sister are out of a dangerous situation.
Also continue to try and get your feelings across to your mother that your worried.
Umm...I hope that helps.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:51 pm
Michael Noire B: a boyfriend, AKA economic stability, meal ticket, free alcohol, and weekly orgasms. When you assess the situation appropriately, you will realize our society has changed for the worse, and the choice you present to a parent is like asking your employer to please double your wages or fire you. I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. This statement describes my situation with my mother and her boyfriend. It also lacks the fact that my mother and Miss Jerba's mother might be kind of the same. The boyfriend also helps with emotional stability, for the most part. The mother neglects the children in fear that she loses the partner. She is no longer willing to sacrifice her own happiness to make the children happy but when arguments come up about said boyfriend, it is the child at fault for not wanting the mother/father to be happy... and then they guilt trip you asking you if you want them to be happy, and then run around in a circle saying "All I ever DO is make you happy, and this is what I get."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:51 pm
Well, I can see that she doesn't see me as much more than a problem. I go to a private school and it's about $10,000 a year even with financial aid. I don't think she values my opinion enough, which would be the problem. I want to know what's best for me, and what I should do, because I've been really stressed, too. She knows I'm smart, and I think she knows my intentions are good, but it doesn't seem like that to her whenever we get in an altercation. I wish she would stop drinking and listen to me.
She's doing exactly the thing my dad did before they divorced. In fact, I think that's why they divorced. She's been reverting.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:26 am
well Jerba this is a predicament... I think instead of getting in a verbal argument with her...(because usually people don't even listen to the other person and they get all defensive...) ... write a letter to your mom.... tell her how you feel about her if you love her... ask her why she wanted to have children? then ask her if she thinks it's worth it to throw away her children who will always love her for some guy that doesn't appreciate her as much as you and your siblings do, and will probably leave her eventually anyways... when her children will always be there for her for the rest of her life... I know that sounds harsh to write to her but sometimes they need to hear it that way... then mention that you know she probably doesn't care about you threatening to move in with your dad because you're just a burden to her... and make sure you go over the things about the boyfriend and her behavior and let her know how it's really just hurting her in the long run... then end the letter by letting her know that if she really does love you and your siblings she would take what you have written seriously... and also state that you and your siblings are human beings with lives and that she is the one that gave you life so she is responsible for helping you and your siblings to become adults that can take care of yourselves ... make sure she knows that she is not setting a very good example for you guys... ask her if she thinks it would be ok if you had a child and then neglected it for some love interest... basically I think you get my point... but definitely writing a letter will force her to look at the situation with no argument involved... she will just be reading your opinion of the situation.... so there won't be any interruptions ... it worked on my mom... a long time ago when I was 12 my mom was hanging out with bad people and doing drugs... she would never listen to me and we would always argue... so I wrote her a letter... letting her know the harsh facts about what she was doing... and I asked her if she really wanted to lose her kids that loved her so much... after she read that letter she quit all the bad stuff she was doing... and has made better friends since then that are good people... and her life is so much better... and me and my sisters visit her all the time and do fun things together it's just a happier situation all around... I hope my advice helps you out... but the above posters are right about how most parents think of their kids as pets... it's very sad...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 3:47 pm
Stay with dad tll ya get a house of your own?
If you hate channing that much, hel, it's worth a try right?
And apartment, flat, whatever..that way, you wont have to deal with either of them.
Yay
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 1:26 am
Wait until the end of senior year. Will and I are going to try and get an apartment and it'd be easier with the three of us splitting rent. Plus anytime during the summer you can come to my house you know. That's anytime love. You're my best friend and you should know I'd do anything to help you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
