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Work written between 2003 - 2006

Venom

skyler919

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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 6:30 pm

Taken from a movie of the same title. Don't know if this has anything to do with it though sweatdrop
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Seeping into your body
It consticts your very being
Life as you know it is coming to an end
The start of an afterlife you're seeing

As you lie there on your death bed
Life passing through your eyes
Reflecting on all you've done wrong and regret
Continually strengthen your sorrowful cries

"Simple human mortality
Is such a feeble thing
Death can come at any time
But am I actually ready??"

You consider that last question
As the pain is causing more contention
Closing your eyes you feel this is the end
And your life after death has begun

But bittersweet death
Isn't such a bad thing
At least death has now freed you
From lifes venomess sting

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:37 pm

That is a very good poem. It has a set rythm pattern and it flows well. It's well written and interesting to read. There were a few punctuation mistakes (lifes should be life's) but other then that it sounds very good. Nice job.

Merenwen99
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Amyane

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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 4:22 pm

I really liked it. It was nicely creative and rhymed well. The only part that kinda was... eh was the few lines that didn't rhyme. It kinda broke it up.

Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 12:11 pm

Wow, that was a very interesting poem. It had to die with a very interesting theme and you wrote it well. However, without periods and commas, the rhythm of the piece was very hard to determine, which can distract the reader from the meaning of the piece. Also, you changed the rhyme scheme to aabb from abab in the fourth stanza, which also can cause the reader to stop focusing on the piece's meaning and focus more on wondering 'what happened?'. Overall, good job!

Cereah
Crew

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[.Dark.Rose.]

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Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:35 pm

Very creative and it has a nice flow and cadence to it. Nice job. 3nodding

Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 9:27 am

I like it.. it could improve on the flow a little bit but it's great.

Kesna

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mizuuko

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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:24 am

I suppose I like short forms better. How a venom works is a stike. Sudden. It's dark and painful in it's nature. It kills. Hence, making a story out of it is good for prose I suppose, not for poetry. Poetry about that has to sting, if you catch my drift.

Work written between 2003 - 2006

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