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 Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:45 pm
My Beloved and I have recently been discussing marriage, a topic that is very uncomfortable for me. We have also been discussing children, yet another difficult thing for me to discuss.
The reason these topics are so difficult for me is that I am pagan, and he is not. He is a cynic who doesn't believe in a god, goddess, or any other 'higher power.' Which poses a problem for me, as I don't know how to bring up the topic of a handfasting with him. He wants a traditional marriage, minus the church and priest. I want to be able to follow my heart and my chosen path. I just don't know how to talk to him about it without having him feel as if I'm pushing my beliefs on to him, and I don't want it to lead to some huge discussion about religion and faith and all that...
I would also like to teach my child(ren) of my path, and teach them to revere the Mother and her gifts. I am just not sure if he would disapprove of it or not. And again, I am afraid to bring it up, because I don't want it to lead into a big discussion...
So yeah, any advice would be much appreciated...
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Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:24 pm
I may greatly seems out of place for saying this but it is only my OPINION. *takes a deep breath* If your significant other cannot accept ALL parts of you they don't really deserve to be your significant other. I was in a very serious relationship with a nonpagan but he accepted my faith and celebrated my holidays knowing full and well if we had had anychildren they'd be raised in my religion only because he had none. I've also held a serious relationship with a nonpagan who was like "ya ya whatever I don't care" and when he wanted to take our relationship farther I sat him down and told him how very important my religion was to me, he could not seem to find it in his heart to participate even enough to say "happy ostara" and understand the importance of families celebrating together even in a very toned down way so I told him it couldn't go any further. And as I searched for a love who would understand (which I had a lot of when I was younger that I screwed up LOL) I eventually gave up and STUMMBLES across my husband. He was a non practicing wiccan, who didn't even know all the sabbaths O.o but was raised wiccan.. very poorly but still he was accepting and quickly became fully active understanding that religion was a very important factor ina relationship for me as I am studying hard to become a wiccan priestess. So in my personal opinion most of us can ALWAYS do better but we choice not to when someone isn't worth the risk of that "maybe". But do you think spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn;t fully accept/support you is a good idea? or will make you happy? last thing you need is fighting while your children are in bed over how to raise your children... odds are your children will notice and it will effect them in a negative way. You need to make it clear the level of importance your religion is to you especially in family living and then decide what to do from there. sorry if you disliked anything I said *bows head repeatively* I know I can be too blunt but I think thats for the best... GOOD LUCK in whatever choice you make!
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Danae Song Moonchild Crew
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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 4:15 am
No worries about being blunt, I am the same way, and I appreciate the advice. I would not have posted this online in a public place had I not been prepared for anything anyone might have had to say.
I guess I'm just scared to bring it up, because I am afraid that he will say no, and that I will have to move on. I am very happy with my Beloved, and do not ever want to lose him.
But I suppose it is something we will have to discuss if I want to be truely happy. Thank you Miss Danae.
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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:02 am
I'd do it casually, like "hey love mayday's coming up, do you want to -insert activitie here-" I'd say some good activities to suggest are, plant something, or make a mini may pole to twirl together (romantic ne?) I'd say make flower crowns but that might be too fem, it's something I;d do with a girlfriend not a boyfriend lol ^_^ Best of luck I'll glad you help you out with more tips if you want/need them ^_^
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Danae Song Moonchild Crew
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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:32 pm
Well, doing things casually has never worked for me.... I always come across too blunt. So I sat him down and we talked after he got home. He is not completely thrilled over the ideas, but he is accepting. His only request is that while I teach any children we have about my path, and of the Mother, that I make it known to them they do not have to believe as I do. They can choose their own faith, and what they believe in. It is a reasonable request, and one I had planned on doing anyways.
He has accepted the handfasting completely, as it will bind us together spiritually, but not legally. It is something we would have done a year or so before a legal marriage.
And I think some of those ideas are wonderful, but I doubt we would be able to plant anything, or twirl a maypole... we live in a very tiny apartment. And yeah, he would deffinately not be into flower crowns.... I might be able to convince him to take his holidays then so we can go away camping or something for it. That would be rather fun.
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 11:47 am
well maybe seeing me and eric raising anastasia in the craft may help him grasp a better understanding of everything and make him more comfortable. And thast what my husband and I did a handfasting about 1 year prior to the wedding, it was only a 1 year handfasting. we had to move the original wedding for medical reasons though. ^^; so instead of this year it's next so until nov first my facebook says married and then from nov 2-june 21 it'll say engaged LOL I'm gonna confuse the people on my friends list so bad LOL
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Danae Song Moonchild Crew
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Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 12:02 pm
I have been blessed. My husband is Druid, and I am an eclectic. Our families, however, are a different story. His is Mormon, and mine is Protestant. We decided on a kind of compromise for our wedding. We signed our certificate at the court house then went to a park, where we had a friend read vows that she found online and we added in a rose ceremony on top of it. As far as our children go, we've decided to wait until they're old enough to let them decide what religion they want to be.
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