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 Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 4:43 pm
Lately I have been feeling like nothing matters anymore. Nothing does matter. I cut myself every night and sew them my cuts up in the morning. I've been in the hospital countless times for trying to kill myself. No matter how many times I try I never die. Maybe there is a reason I am here. All I feel is pain, sadness, and depression. I want out. I need to find my way out. My body is torn up. I don't care. I care about one thing, one person and that is Nicole. I love her so much but, all I do is bring her down. I bring here into my Sea of Pain. She deserves better. I know she does. If I leave, yeah she would be sad but she will soon forget. I'll be forgotten forever in this world. A lost memories. That is what I would be.
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Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:56 pm
I'm going to say right off the bat here that... I believe that you should seek professional help. I think you should talk to an adult that you trust who already knows you.
I can understand what you are going though. I have been there before. Sometimes it seems that the only way out of your own head and all of those negative thoughts is to kill yourself or cut yourself... But it's not. Straight up... Life sucks when you are a teenager... and even into your early 20's. But heres the thing... realizing how many people really do rely on you... makes a big difference. Your mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings... friends... lovers... co-workers... everyone in your life right now... if you were to die it would have a huge and profound impact on them. There would be a hole there in their life that you once filled. Believe it or not... anyone you have ever shared a laugh with will notice that you are gone.
It sounds like you care about Nicole a lot. If you care about someone, don't be selfish and take your own life. Life is about giving as much as it is about receiving... Every encounter you have with someone... you are sharing a part of your life, and they are giving you a part of theirs as well. You carry so much history with you. It would be a shame to have that history die with you. Every situation you encounter... you take away a new piece of knowledge... knowledge that you use in making all future decisions... One day, someone you care about may need your advice... and If you are not there to give it to them then they could make a wrong decision.
Don't make a decision about your life that will result in holes in other peoples lifes.
I hope that what I have said here is helpful. And I hope that you get the help that you both need and deserve.
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Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 6:19 pm
You need to keep a journal. Your emotions are very unstable right now and I beleive that writing down your feelings will help give you some of that stability. Aslo you need to see a real counsler. This is a serious problem baseed on your perception.
You need to open your eyes and see the people that love you. And if you want to hurt them by killing yoourself than grow some courage and live for them and for yourself.
My uncle tried to commit suicide, and my half brother was more successful, and I love them both dearly because they're family, but I hate them as cowards. They were selfish and self centered only thinking about themselves and their own 'pain'. My uncle was found by his wife who was crying and banging on the bathroom door, screaming for him to answer. My half brother was found by my father. I don't even know the details but it was gruesome.
Suicide is horrible and till now I haven't forgiven either of them. I can't describe enough how much hate I have towards people that want to die in such a selfish and weak way.
Grow up.
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 1:37 pm
If you love her don't think about hurting her better yet think about how much she would want you to live same goes for parents, family and friends. You think no one likes you when the truth is sometimes you just push away help and cut yourself again. Cutting will get you no where in life but talking about it will so it is very good that you are asking for help and hopefully accepting it yourself. Good luck and always remember someone always loves you.(God smile )
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