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He sat down, tired, in one of the chairs, his chair, put his hands in his hair, and cried. He hadn't let himself believe that he had actually loved someone. Hid the fact from himself for so many years he almost forgot, almost. Quietly, he reached for the bottle in the back of the small cabinet.

He had been 21, once a very long time ago, and he had fallen in love with his instructor. The man had taught him every thing he knew about guns, swords, and other miscellaneous weapons, as well as quite a bit about life. Cephaceus had been training for over a year by the time that it happened. He had mastery of both pistols, and short swords, and was close to mastery on short bows. In those days, he thought he could do it all.

The bottle popped open after a small argument, and Cephaceus drank deeply. He didn't want to remember again. The sound played back in his head over and over, not stopping, and he knew that as soon as he shut his eyes he would see it again.

The gun He had cleaned the night before, the bullet, backfiring into the Master's heart. Blood drained quickly from the man, and Cephaceus didn't even have time to comprehend what had happened before the man was dead. He knelt, cradling his love's lifeless body in his arms begging for a miracle that would never come. The burial was short, simple and afterwards, Cephaceus laid a solitary red rose on the ground before the headstone. One last momento before he swore to disappear and never lay finger on a gun again.

Eight months later, he entered the Academy eager to escape the memory of death. He did well, except for graduation. They placed a gun in his hands, and told him he was now an officer. The pain that seared through his heart made him wish that he had never graduated, never heard of the sea. He managed to keep it hidden though, despite the burning of tears behind his cat-eyes.

When he finally got his ship, the Lady Copernicus, the first thing he did was dismantle the damn thing then he put it into his desk drawer. Now, it was all he could do to keep from throwing it overboard. Training and respect were the only things holding him back.

The bottle emptied, and Cephaceus begged for there to be one last drop, one last chance for the memory to fade into oblivion. Then he recapped the bottle, set it down and reached into the cabinet again for anything he could find. Damn Bernicus, he had drank the last of the rum a week ago, and there was only a little Jack left. Cephaceus's ears laid back, and he slammed the rest of the bottle down. It didn't take long. Blissfully, the memory of death began to fade, as the lights around him dimmed even more. His eyes shut, and his body went limp in the chair.

~~~

It had been a long day for Bernicus. The Captain had seemed to be in some sort of horriffic mood all day long, screaming at anyone and everyone he saw. Padded feet made their way down the officer's bearthing hall, trying not to awaken too many people. He stopped at Cephaceus's door, and with a deep breath knocked gently. The door opened on it's own, and instantly Bernicus was on guard. This was not normal.

"Captain?" The word was cautious. Best not to let any other officers see him like this, with his head in the captain's cabin at the late hours of the night. He had been on board about 8 years, and although his position was rather secure, today had been odd enough to have him worried. "Captain Cephaceus? Are you in there" The words were a little louder, with concern growing in his voice. He stepped into the room, and shut the door behind him. The captain's room was empty, but the door to his private quarters was cracked, leaving a small glimpse of what appeared to be a boot on the floor. "Captain, I am sorry to barge in on you like ----" The words stopped as Bernicus saw his captain limp and lifeless.

Instantly, he picked the slender man up and brought him into the bathroom.
"Captain? It's Chief Engineer Bernicus, can you hear me?" The words were sharp, clipped and above all loud. There was no response. With what little magic he possessed, Bernicus tried to save the man, for his efforts, he recieved a weak cough. "Captain Can you hear me?" His voice was almost in panic, when suddenly, Cephaceus bolted up.

"What are you doing in my personal quarters" The roaring snarl shook the rings on the shower curtain. Cephaceus's ears were laid back flat, and his eyes were slits in his head. "Tell me what possessed you to sneak in here, without announcing yourself." Suddenly, he swooned, and fell to his knees. Confusion spread across his face, and slowly memories began to return.

"Captain, I did announce myself, you were passed out on your chair. I brought you in here, and by the smell of your breath, I'd say not a moment too soon Sir." Bernicus kept his voice calm, it wasn't as easy dealing with a drunken and belligerant cat than he had thought.

"Put me back by my bottle Damn You. I invited you into this room once a few weeks ago and you drank ALL my rum. This day has been rough, and all I want is to BE LEFT ALONE!" Hair stood on Cephaceus's neck as he shouted, and his tail whipped violently back and forth on the floor.

Bernicus studied the man and saw a pain he hadn't seen before in his eyes. "Captain, I will not put you back in your chair, or back by your bottle. It's a crutch that you shouldn't be using for whatever it is that you're trying to forget." The words were stern, and his hand slowly lifted to Cephaceus's face. "Cephaceus, I don't know what hurts you this badly, and I've seen you have bad days before, but none like this. Never like this. Using the Scotch, and Whiskey, and Rum is only going to hide the situation for a moment, and then it's back in your face again, screaming louder than ever before." His voice became gentle, and quiet. Then it happened, the captain, the man most known for being a hard assed, raging animal shattered.

"Bernicus, don't worry about me" Cephaceus collapsed into the strong man's arms. "It's just...been...a long day. I'll be alright. And I'm sorry for being so harsh, I had no right." He couldn't bring himself to look Bernicus in the eyes, and instead tried desperatly to lift himself up off the comfortable lap.

Slowly, arms rested on the cat's shoulders, pushing gently down. "Captain, rest. I shut the door to your room when I entered, so no one will know what is going on. Tomorrow when you wake up you can just tell the men that you caught me on my way to bed and had to have an emergancy conversation about the engines. They won't question you. I'll stay here, with you for tonight, just to make sure you're ok." A work-worn hand reached up and began stroking Cephaceus's ears and the cat purred.

"Bernicus, I do not wish to be an inconvience to you, go to bed, I will be alright believe me. This isn't the first time that I've drank this much." While his voice had quieted down, Cephaceus was in no shape to fight.

"Nice try Captain, but in all 8 years that I've been aboard you've never acted like this. Come on, we'll put you in your bed and let you get to sleep."

Cephaceus went, without too much struggle, helpless against the stronger Engineer. "Bernicus, make sure the ship runs smoothly tonight, I don't want to imagine what I would do if there were problems." The captain's voice was weak, and tired as Bernicus laid him down.

"Aye Aye Captain, I'll make sure" With that, Bernicus took up watch at Cephaceus's desk. "Berny....I just wanted to say....thank you," and with those final words the Captain fell asleep, and Bernicus went back to the engine room.