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Herr Till Lindemann
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 5:28 pm

I figured... Why not? Ask Rammstein ANYTHING you want! The members will answer! (Of course, it's fake and it's not really Rammstein and this is all in good fun...and the people who play the avatar version of the members will be the ones who answer)

Please submit questions in this form

'This is for ___,

then the question'

Please, limit it to one or two questions per post. Thank you and have fun!

Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 10:21 am

This is for Rammstein (excluding Reesh, Olli, and Doom),

My cat ran away. What shall I do?

Ryo Neko Sama

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Herr Till Lindemann
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:48 am

Till
Paul
Flake
Richard
Oliver
Schneider

Ryo Neko Sama

This is for Rammstein (excluding Reesh, Olli, and Doom),

My cat ran away. What shall I do?

(Ryo! >.< lol!)

Zince I'm stuck at ze computer, I guess I vill anzwer it. Your cat van avay because you are an emo und your dad is a psycho. You vill die alone und vithout a cat.

I zay you buy anozer cat, but zis time, make sure he is a lazy fatass like Till!

*smacks him* Shut up Paul! I'm not fat!

...vatever you zay Till.... you beached vale....

*glares at Flake while he munches on the Halloween candy he stole from Paul* I'm not fat...just because I don't look like an anorexic chick like you Flake, doesn't mean zat I'm fat!

At least people don't try to harpoon me ven I get close to vater!

Zat happen vonce, und it doezn't count!! Ze man vas blinded by Olli's shine from his bald head! He didn't zee me!

Ja, zat's vat he said after he found out you vhere human.

*foams at the mouth, still munching on candy*

Vell, ve anzered the question. Let'z go take a break.

Ja, vatwhere.

MiwSheri

This is for all of Rammstein present:

Can you help me with my German homework?

I would be very happy to help you vith your German!

*stares at Paul* You barely know how to spell your own name, let alone help somevone vith their homevork.

I can too! I am very gut at learning languages!

*silence, followed by intense laughter from Flake and Till*

*huffs*I hate you both.

Ve luff you too Paul.

Now zat ve have the stupid vone gone, I vould be more zen happy to help you vith your homework, if it vasn't cheating to do so.

Cheating? Vat are you, her mozer?

Shut up Till! It's vrong to cheat!

You are just an uptight old man!'

You are older zen me, you fat a**!

I'm not fat!

Then vat's ze huge thing sticking out in front of you? You can't even vear suspenders anymore because zey make you look like Santa Claus!

*Richard pops up out of seemingly nowhere* Did somevone say 'Santa Claus'? Do I get presents?! If I do, I hope it's new nailpolish!

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Vat?

MiwSheri

For all Rammstein members present:

Is is possible to hate Flake?

Of course it's not possible to hate the Flake, because the Flake is pimp!

Vat are you talking about? I hate you!

You can't hate me because I had you hyponized so it vas impossible to hate me.

....You had me VAT?!

I don't zink it's really possible to hate Flake. I mean, he's crazy, spazzy und he looks gut vith blonde hair!

You can't hate a man zat can pull off vearing short-shorts!

Zere you had it! No vone can hate the Flake!

...*grumbles* zat's because you had us hypnotized you crazy b*****d... I luff you.... DAMN YOU DAVID BLADE!!!!

madamecrystal

well I am new here but I should ask this for Till only (you five bad boys but out, I want the opinion of the best looking one) how do you look so good? You are old enough to be my father (no offense) but look more god like everyday, what is your secret?

Vhy don't ve get to answer?

Because I am sex machine and you aren't!

Everyone: ....

Now, I vill anzwer ze question. Zat is very easy. I am a sex machine und I vork out zree times a veek! Not only zat but I eat very healthy foods und only eat ice cream vonce a day. I may be getting older, but I look ze same zince I vas 20!

*Flake coughs*

Shut up Flake!

I never knew you looked like an old foggy ven you vere 20!

All of you, shut up! She zaid zat you all had to butt out! So, shut ze ******** up!

Everyone:...

Much better. Now, vere vas I? Oh yes, I also look gut because I am born vith naturally gut looks! Not only zat but I make sure to clean my face vonce a week vith soap und vater!

You're supposed to do zat EVERY day, Till...

Oh... I vas? ....oh vell.

madamecrystal

ok this is for Richard and Till, 1. How do you keep your voices in good shape, I mean Till alone is a great singer and richard is no slouch there either. 2. Any advice for aspiring poets, since Till is a known one and Richard has written lyrics before, maybe you can give me some tips?

How do I keep my voice zis lovely? I drink Zree glasses of vodka a day und vone shot of whiskey!

Danku for zaying I have a pretty voice!

Reech, she zaid 'good' not pretty.

*ignores Flake's comment* I am very proud of mein voice. I pratice zinging in ze bathroom in ze tub! I also zing my daughters to zleep und try to keep from drinking milk products because zey clog your throat!

I write ven I am inspired by a scenary!

*snorts*

Vat?

You vrite ven you're on ze toilet! Vat kind of 'scenary' is zat?

.... You get inspiration eververe... shut up!

I get inspired by playing vith mein children und walking around in pretty gardens! Loud music or loud noises distract me, zo, I zay you go somevere no one vill distrube you und vrite vatever comes to your mind! Zat's vhat I do.

Also, never listen to your teachers. Just because zey vent to college for years on vriting doesn't mean zey know how to vrite poetry! *nods*

Vat if zey vent to college for poetry?

....Ze still know nozhing! Just trust your own judgement and alvays try to improve!

Ryo

I habe a question...

I have a crab, but I don't know what to name it. Any ideas?

You should name it Till, because Till is a big fatass, crabby, knob gobl- *gets hit with boot*

SHUT UP PAUL!

Oh! I know! Name it Bob!

Vhy bob?

Because zat is vat you name anyvone or anyzing zat you don't know vat to name it vith! Like, Till's invisable friend is named Bob.

Vat?! I do not haff an invisable friend Reech!

Ja Reech. Zey are called 'imaginary' friends.

Oh. OK! Till has Imaginary friend named Bob.

Shut up Flake! I haff no made up friends because everyvone vants to be friends vith me!

*Silence, followed by laughter from the other members*

Shut up or I vill kick all your asses!

I say you name it vhatever you vould name any other pet you could haff. Besides, if it doesn't vork out vith the crab, you can alvays giff it to Till to eat!

SHUT UP PAUL! *hits him again*

In ze end, you name you're pet Flake, as tribute to my greatness.

madamecrystal

This is for everyone but Till because its about Till err well let me just ask... why do you guys keep picking on him? Maybe if you were nicer to him he would be nicer to you in turn. (I couldn't help it, I am a Till fangirl after all, I admit it)

Ve pick on each other all ze time! It's in our nature!

Ja! Ve pick on Till for being fat, Paul for being short, Richard for being metro, Schneider for being an idiot und Olli for being shy.

Ve pick on Flake for vearing glasses. It's hard to pick on somevone who iz zo cynical.

Vonce, Paul hid my nail polish for a whole veek!

Und Reech put super glue on mein chair!! It ruined my favorite pair of pantz!

Till poured honey into my shampoo vonce....

You actually smelled good for vonce too.

SHUT UP PAUL!

Ve pick on each other all ze time because zat is how you show somevone ve luff them in Rammstein.

Ja, just think about vat ve do to people ve DON'T like.

MiwSheri

This is for all of Rammstein present:

Where does the inspiration for certain songs come from? For example, "Du Riescht so Gut," "Rein Raus," "Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen Sehen?," etc?

Ze music comes from vat vere feeling zat day. Ze lyrics comes from Till.

Ja. I vrite all ze time in my notebook. I got ze idea for 'Rein Raus' ven ve vent horse back riding! It vas fun!

Vat are you talking about? You couldn't get your fat a** up on ze horse for ten minutes!

Shut up Paul! Ze horse vas just too tall...

Ja, zey vhere kind of tall....

*snickers* Zo, zat's vhy you made Reech and Schneider help you up!

At least my horse didn't let out a sigh of releif vhen I got off it!

*growls* I'm going to kick your a** Paul!

I'd like to see your fat a** catch me.

I know vhere Till got the lyrics for 'Du Riescht so gut!'

Vhere Reech?

Vhen he put honey in your shampoo! He kept zaying zat to you Flake, remember? Zen he vould come into your room late at night because he liked your smell.

Oh Ja, I remember za- VAT?! Come into my room late at night?!

....Trust me Flake... you don't vant to know.

....Please excuse me vhile I go vomit in ze toilet...

Remember to flush twice Flake. Vonce for ze bulk und vonce for ze remainder!

madamecrystal

Gah I hate my curiostiy sometimes but I have to ask all of rammstein, what do you do to people you don't like? and please tell me I am not on the don't like list

Vell, let me tell you zat Till's flame thrower isn't just for show!
hehe. I vonce burned zis guy's vig!

Zat vasn't very nice Till!

Vat?! He had a really bad comb-over! It deserved to be burned!

Ja Reech. It looked like zomething from the zide of the road ve find on tour!

I know zat Paul vonce bought a pair of big vomen's undervear, smeared it vith stage blood und put it on zis guy's laundry line, zo his neighbors could all zee!

I remember zat! Und zen I took pictures to give to his friends as christmas post cards!

You guys are mean!

Vat Reech? Like you're better! You're ze vorst!

I haff no idea vhat you're talking about.

Reech doesn't like to zay but, he vonce chased zis guys down und strung him up in a tree by his undervear! Zen, he duct taped ze guy's hands to his ankles, zo he couldn't get down without screaming for help!

*Richard sits quietly in the corner*

....Just curious Reech, but vat did ze man do to deserve zat?

...he said I had a big a**...

But you DO have a big a** Reech!

Ja, but, zen he.... *mumbles*

...he vat Reech?

He groped mein a**!

....*everyone bursts out laughing*

Who could resist an a** like zat?!

Shut up Till! *blushes*

Vell, before ve go into detail about ze time ve hung someone from a pole or tied somevone to a chair threatening zem with bodily harm or ze time Olli hit somevone with his guitar, I zink ve should go.

MiwSheri

This one's for all of Rammstein:

Are you guys cat people or dog people? What're your favorite animals?

OH! I like kitties! Zey are so soft und fluffy! I like it ven zey purr after you scratch behind zer ears! Just like Paul!

Vat?! I do not- *Reech suddens scartches behind his ear and a strange purring sound comes from Paul*

Oh, he is zo cute! Just like a kitty!

*continues to purr*

Vell, I don't like cats. Zey make me sneeze. I like dogs. Because zey are manly pets.

Vat are you talking about? You haff a fluffy poddle!

Shut up! He is a manly poddle!

Ja, vith all zos bow ties und prefectly combed hair-

Zat's because my daughters did zat to him! He has never been ze same zince. I had to get him into theorpy because of it!

Vell, while Till does his 'manly' crying over there, I shall answer ze question. I don't like animals zat much, but I do like fish! Zay taste gut.

Zat is mean Flake!

Zo? Ven haff I been nice?

*Walks in randomly* Vhere haff you guys been?!

Vhy, hallo Christoph und Olli!

Hallo. Vat is on zat computer?

Ve are answering questions people send in to us! Vant to answer zis von?

Sure! *reads* Oh, I like dogs. Zey are fun to bring to ze beach.

I don't like dogs. Zey smell like Till after a concert. Und ven zey get vet, zay smell like Till after a shower!

VAT?! I vill kick your a** Christoph!

Vell, ve answered zis question. Let's go out to lunch!

Ja, I'm starving.

xXxHot_ChicxXx

Dear Rammstein,
To Richard

If you had to wear a mowhawk or liberty spikes what one would you choose?
Also would you ever wear make up?

Love,
Your Biggest Fan

Vell, zis is a useless question.

Shut up Till. You're just upset because somevone doesn't vant to ask you somezing for vonce!

Zat's not it! It's just a stupid question! *pouts*

*rolls eyes* Now.. let Reech answer ze question.

Oh! I haff a fan! A big fan! *grins* Vell, I like ze mowhawk on Till but... I've seen some people who look gut in ze spikes too....

Make up your mind Reech! Ve don't haff all day.

Ummm ok! I vould rather haff the mowhawk. It vould make me look better! Oh! Und, I luff the vear make-up! It is fun to put on and know you're looking better! Till should try it some time!

Vat?! Men don't vear make-up Reech!

You do... I've seen you vear foundation a few times.

You must haff been dreaming.... SHUT UP! Men don't vear make-up!

Zen you must be ugly girl zen, because you vear make-up.

Shut up! No I don't! I vill kick your a** Paul!

I zink Till is very beautiful girl.

Shut up Reech! I'm NOT a voman!

I vas just trying to make you feel better.

*huffs* Vell, it vasn't vorking. I am NOT ugly girl nor do I vear make-up! Und if any of you zay another vord, I vill kick your a**!

*everyone sits really quietly*

MiwSheri

Um um um... oh! For all!

How do you feel about annoying fans asking annoying questions, as I'm doing?

I feel like ve're on zat American show 'Jerry Springer'.

Ja, but vizout ze flying chairs

*throws a chair*

erm... nevermind.

I zink it's vonderfull to answer questions from ze fans! Zey finally get to see how ve really are.

For you Reech, zis could be a very bad zing.

*pauses in sticking a fork in the toaster* Vhy?

*sweatdrop* Nevermind Reech.

Oh... ok! *sticks a fork in toaster, gets shocked. Falls to the ground, still clutching the fork but his hair is smoking*

*rolls eyes* Vell, now zat ze idiots are done... I don't mind answering questions. Ve really like taking a break from hearing all the questions from Paul and Reech on everything in the universe for vonce!

ja, and I like answering ze questions. It's fun to see vat our fans zink of us. I never knew so many people cared about their goddamned pets though...

madamecrystal

Dear Rammstein:

Is there any band you would love to try out a new flame thrower on? twisted

Of course! I vould like to try it out on zos 'Boy Bands'! Ze vones vith girly voices.

I like ze Boy Bands. Rammstein ist a boy band.

*everyone glares at Richard*

Vat?

Ve are NOT a boy band Reech! Ve are a manly band.... except fur Paul, who still looks like he's five.

SHUT UP TILL! *hits him with chair* I do NOT look like I'm five!

I vould like to try a flamethrower out on some of ze rap groups. Ze ones who talk about ze same damn zing in EVERY song!

Vell, I vould never try a flamethrower out on any bands. I prerfer to try it out on some interviewers zo!

ikyiky390259

This looks freakin awesome!
For Everyone:
Ok... I love you guys.... a lot... maybe too much. Can this be helped?
If not, can I give Till a hug?

Vell, looks like ve haff anozer crazy fan girl.

Und she's crazy about you Till! I bet she hasn't seen picture of you recently or else she vould run for her life!

Shut up Paul! *twacks him*

Ve control your mind und you cannot resist us! Mwahahaha! Soon, I vill haff mein army ready and ve vill take over ze VORLD! *evil laughter insues*

Everyone: ...

Flake is really starting to scare me.

For vonce Reech, i agree vith you.

*evil chuckle*

Count_Milly

Dear Rammstein,

What do you do when you get the sudden urge to rip one while on stage?

~Milly ;D

Rip vone? Vat does zat mean?

It means you haff to fart.

Oh! I never farted on stage before.

Ja. Vell, I know Till does zometimes. You all zink I fall to mein knees on purpose?

*evil chuckle*

As long as a microphone isn't by you, it's fine to let it go. I just feel sorry for anyvone near vone of us ven ve let it go!

Amster-DAMN

Dear Rammstein,

Why do you guys like being nakie so much?

Oh!! And why is Paul so damn cute? He's like one of those little puppies you see in the pet stores that makes you just want to run up to and snuggle to death because he's so adorable! Do you guys ever wanna just snuggle Paul 'cause he's so cute? Kinda like a "snuggle-the-Paul" party? whee heart

Zat is becauze ve haff big man penises and ve vant to showz zem off!

Ja, everyone but Till haff big p***s.

I haff big man-p***s! He is the standard zat all men vant to be vone day!

Till ist very funny today! He make small joke!

*Till huffs and walks away*

Vell, onto my question!

Paul ist mein favorite kitty-kat in ze whole vorld! I pet him all day und zen I brush his hair, Oooo he likes zat so much! Und zen I give him treats und zen- *babbles on and on*

Vat ze ********?! Paul ist not a kitty-kat Reech!

Ja! I'm not a kitty! I am a manly-man Reech!

*blank stare*

Vell.... I'd still snuggle him.

Ja.... me too.

*Group snuggle on Paul insues*

*Feels the love a little too much*

Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 1:52 pm

xd heart

Ryo Neko Sama

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Herr Till Lindemann
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 2:12 pm

Ryo Neko Sama

xd heart

I'm glad you liked it. ^^

@ Everyone- Anymore questions?

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 2:25 pm

Oh, Gott, there's no way that could be topped... xd

MiwSheri

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Herr Till Lindemann
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:16 pm

MiwSheri

Oh, Gott, there's no way that could be topped... xd

^^ Do you dare to ask a question? lol

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:43 pm

Herr Till Lindemann

MiwSheri

Oh, Gott, there's no way that could be topped... xd

^^ Do you dare to ask a question? lol

That's exactly it... well... oh! I've got one! (Can't think of anything serious after Ryo's question-to-beat-all-questions... xd )

This is for all of Rammstein present:

Can you help me with my German homework?

MiwSheri

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Ryo Neko Sama

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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 7:03 pm

MiwSheri

Herr Till Lindemann

MiwSheri

Oh, Gott, there's no way that could be topped... xd

^^ Do you dare to ask a question? lol

That's exactly it... well... oh! I've got one! (Can't think of anything serious after Ryo's question-to-beat-all-questions... xd )

This is for all of Rammstein present:

Can you help me with my German homework?

Oooh, I'm very tempted to ask another one. But I think I'll let Milly ask it if she ever sees this. ninja MOO HA HA!

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 7:34 pm

MiwSheri

Herr Till Lindemann

MiwSheri

Oh, Gott, there's no way that could be topped... xd

^^ Do you dare to ask a question? lol

That's exactly it... well... oh! I've got one! (Can't think of anything serious after Ryo's question-to-beat-all-questions... xd )

This is for all of Rammstein present:

Can you help me with my German homework?

Answered! xd

Herr Till Lindemann
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MiwSheri

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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 7:48 pm

...okay, seriously, I've had to take a few minutes to calm down from laughing so hard... I almost fell out of my chair...! xd blaugh This thread totally kicks @$$...

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 7:53 pm

MiwSheri

...okay, seriously, I've had to take a few minutes to calm down from laughing so hard... I almost fell out of my chair...! xd blaugh This thread totally kicks @$$...

Have you heard of the site called 'Rammstein behind closed doors'? It was taken down a while ago, but they had an 'Ask Rammstein' section. Some of the funniest things I have ever read came from that. I have it all saved on my computer too. The best one was the whole mother thing someone asked. It made me die laughing when I first heard it! blaugh rofl If I have time, I'll post it somewhere.

Herr Till Lindemann
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MiwSheri

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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 9:57 pm

Herr Till Lindemann

MiwSheri

...okay, seriously, I've had to take a few minutes to calm down from laughing so hard... I almost fell out of my chair...! xd blaugh This thread totally kicks @$$...

Have you heard of the site called 'Rammstein behind closed doors'? It was taken down a while ago, but they had an 'Ask Rammstein' section. Some of the funniest things I have ever read came from that. I have it all saved on my computer too. The best one was the whole mother thing someone asked. It made me die laughing when I first heard it! blaugh rofl If I have time, I'll post it somewhere.

Seriously? Yes, if you ever get the time, I'd appreciate that! 3nodding I've never heard of the site.

Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 2:34 am

This was the BEST one on the thing, IMO. Read it aloud, and you will die. Trust me. 3nodding Till, you can post the rest later if you want... (Tilly is asleep next to me. Freakin' snores so damn loud...)

here are 2 questions for "Rammstein" : My mom is a b***h, what should i do???

PAUL: You could be like Till, and blow her head off with a 4 by 4!

TILL: Vat? No, she died because she tripped over my flamethrower ven she vas going down ze stairs.

PAUL: Vat vas your flame thrower doing on ze stairs?

TILL: Vaiting for her to come along vis ze laundry basket. He He He He.

The others quickly move away from Till

RICHARD: Her mozer iz a dog?? How terrible! Vould zat make her half dog and half person?

Everyone looks at Richard

PAUL: I dont even know vy zis idiot is here.

FLAKE: Tie her up and make her vatch endless hours of Richard Simmons!

CHRISTOPH: Vait you guys, you shouldn't KILL your mozers! Zey gave life to y-

EVERYONE: SHUT UP CHRISTOPH!

CHRISTOPH: ....

Which one of you guys has the bigger p***s??? (Paul does not count in this question)

PAUL: Vy do I not count?

TILL: Because you haff small vinky.

PAUL: I don't! My vinky is as big as telephone pole!

Silence, followed by intense laughter from the other members

PAUL(angrily): I do so haff! I vill show you!

EVERYONE: NO!

TILL: My vinky is biggest. I am sex machine!

CHRISTOPH: I refuse to answer zis question.

PAUL: Because you are pansy a** d**k wanker.

CHRISTOPH: No, because I am mysterious.

PAUL: Mysterious guys are usually knob gobblers!

CHRISTOPH: I am not knob gobbler!

FLAKE: Christoph is just embarassed because his vinky is very small!

RICHARD: I named my vinky! His name is Bob!

Everyone once again looks at Richard

RICHARD: Vat??

Doktor_Flake_Lorenz
Crew

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MiwSheri

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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:32 am

*roflmao* rofl OMG. It is friggin' IMPOSSIBLE to read that and keep a straight face. xd *snickerdies*

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