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 Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 6:56 pm
I have noticed that there are some members here that either have teen children or take care (or help take care) of teen siblings. Some of you have heard the problems that I have gone through with my 14 year old and I am sure that you also go through similar troubles. I wanted to make a place where we could talk about it, even if it is just to get it off your chests. Anyone can chime in on the topic, even if you don't have kids (yet twisted ).
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 6:46 pm
Maybe I will start with a little background. I am divorced and have a 14 year old daughter ( who happens to be a Gaian ) and recently experienced what it is like to have your only child, whom you have given every bit of your attention to, run away from home and be taken in by the salvation army who put her in a "safe" house in the middle of the slums. I freaked to say the least. To make a real long story short, she was only there a week when the director of the program told her that 9 out of 10 parents of kids in that place drop them at the door and never look back. I was the 1 that did not. I fought tooth and nail to get her out of there, it is still bumpy and I am beginning to think that she has some legit hormonal issues (mood swings beyond the normal teen extremes). Working on this daily.
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:01 pm
Sorry to hear it has been rough. I don't have kids, so can't really offer any advice here other than sometimes children do run away and they end up fine. I know friends of mine did too, and they grew up to be fine. It's something that happens sometimes.
I hope it all works out for you both.
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 11:06 pm
polkaroo79 Sorry to hear it has been rough. I don't have kids, so can't really offer any advice here other than sometimes children do run away and they end up fine. I know friends of mine did too, and they grew up to be fine. It's something that happens sometimes. I hope it all works out for you both.
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 6:18 am
That's cool biggrin I can imagine it would be quite the shock. But sometimes kids do things and make mistakes and learn from them. You can't always understand why they do the things they do, cuz sometimes they don't even understand the things they do rofl
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 8:38 am
I suppose you are right. I guess when she says " You will never understand me!" I should just say "you're right, so what do we do now?" She wants someone to "get" her and understand, maybe that can't be me, no matter how much I want it to be. I am just terrified that the one that does fit that mold will be a bad influence and give her the wrong advice (not that her current friends have done any better rofl )Never thought parenting would be like gambling, you roll the dice not knowing what the outcome will be. eek HOLY COW, I am sorry, if I keep on like this you are going to never want to have kids xd I will say that you should wish for boys, they don't get so emotional and usually a good kick in the bum straightens them out.
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:46 am
rofl I wonder what she'd say if you actually said that wink
I can understand the way she feels. I'm not going into a huge rant about all things, but lets just say society has made a lot of younger people feel disconnected. As for the solution, I'm at a loss to tell you. It is gambling in a way, you never really know what will happen. But you're doing fine, just being there for her trying to work through it all.
rofl about boys. Yeah, they do seem a bit more low maintenance whee But I bet you wouldn't trade your daughter for anything 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:05 am
polkaroo79 rofl about boys. Yeah, they do seem a bit more low maintenance whee But I bet you wouldn't trade your daughter for anything 3nodding No, not trade, but at the moment that sex change surgery is lookin prrettty good. xd
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:22 pm
jailai polkaroo79 rofl about boys. Yeah, they do seem a bit more low maintenance whee But I bet you wouldn't trade your daughter for anything 3nodding No, not trade, but at the moment that sex change surgery is lookin prrettty good. xd Could you really deal with a huge increase of testosterone though? blaugh
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:38 pm
polkaroo79 jailai polkaroo79 rofl about boys. Yeah, they do seem a bit more low maintenance whee But I bet you wouldn't trade your daughter for anything 3nodding No, not trade, but at the moment that sex change surgery is lookin prrettty good. xd Could you really deal with a huge increase of testosterone though? blaugh NOT FOR ME YOU GOOF! For my daughter, oh wait, or is that what you meant redface but you have to admit, it would keep her occupied for quite some time, she(he) would probably be locked in the bathroom for days at a time rofl
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:19 am
jailai polkaroo79 jailai polkaroo79 rofl about boys. Yeah, they do seem a bit more low maintenance whee But I bet you wouldn't trade your daughter for anything 3nodding No, not trade, but at the moment that sex change surgery is lookin prrettty good. xd Could you really deal with a huge increase of testosterone though? blaugh NOT FOR ME YOU GOOF! For my daughter, oh wait, or is that what you meant redface but you have to admit, it would keep her occupied for quite some time, she(he) would probably be locked in the bathroom for days at a time rofl
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:34 pm
Wow, Polkaroo is speechless on that one. xd
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:04 am
jailai Wow, Polkaroo is speechless on that one. xd Can't say much to that whee
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 6:43 pm
Aw, I see, you remember those years do you? You know, girls spend tons of time in the bathroom too! Just that they come out with something to show for it. Beauty has it's price.
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Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:15 pm
Good lord the conversations I missed out on while I was gone!!!
Hun, before I give you any advice on your daughter's...need for an operation let me tell you a little bit about my teen years-- I realize Im not that far out of them stare
Let me clear this fact out first so it helps you understand a bit. My mom has been married 8 times. Yes. 8. Granted, most of those "unions" were not as most would consider marriage but the legality remains the same. So for argumental purposes if we say 5 times she has been actually wed, wed that is still quite a bit. In any event, Im sure you can slightly imagine what growing up in such an environment might have been like. Now dont get me wrong, I would never consider my mother "loose" or otherwise, but she had many guy "friends." Now that Ive gotten that chunk of info out of the way it will make my story slightly easier.
My mom has three children from two seperate fathers. It is I against my two younger brothers, Drew and Roby. There is a 3 year age gap between Drew and I, and a 5 year age gap between Roby and I. I was the product of her second "marriage" which was more truely not a marriage at all, but more a common law document which was made up and divorced under so child support could be obtained for me. (One of the few technicality marriages I mentioned) so there is no bond between my biological father and I. However, my brothers were both products of my mom's third marriage. (An actual wedding-you-may-now-kiss-the-bride type)
Where does all this info lead? Well my Mom divorced her third husband about two years.. give or take after Roby was born, thus he was really too young to understand the difference, but Drew... it was an entirely a different world. Growing up in the Weekly-Mom's Weekend-Dad's routine wasnt easy on him and became progressively uglier. He was young still, yes, but he was a Daddy's boy. It didnt matter that his father had left my Mom for another woman, it was still my mother he villianized. He blamed her for not being "Woman Enough to Keep Him" when a more mature perspective would have told him that such was just wishful thinking. Thus because he loved his Dad and blamed Mom for the rift and split, he was continuously moody, had violent bouts of temper and overall seemed to court reckless behavior that had him in Juvy for a brief stint in juniorhigh as well as other pettier things. My Mom tried many things to get through to him, she didnt speak bad about his father in front of him, let him vent his frustrations against her verbally (despite the language that would have had me skinned and unable to move for months) and as a last resort he was even taken to the Doctor to look for a chemical solution. He was diagnosed with ODD which is a Defiance Disorder.
The medicine, as far as Im concerned was a placebo to make my mother feel better because it didnt really change my brother's behavior one iota, so she did the only thing she could think of-- she gave into the one thing she had denied him all childhood when he turned 15-- she let him move in with his father. It was only after my brother went there and realized that the grass wasnt greener that alot of his attitude toward my mother and his tantrum outbursts eased (they will never go fully away, but Im afraid thats part genetic-- mother's a redhead).
My mom very carefully tried to be patient with him throughout and tried to "humor" his tantrums and that didnt help him. I on the other hand who was with him day to day when she work, used a different method-- I out muscled him (worked until he grew taller and broader-- damn genetics) not that Im telling you to muscle around your daughter, but dont just take the outbursts, explain if she wants to talk then to talk, but if she wants to throw an outrageous moody fit shes going to have to take it up with her gym coach.
Thats just my view, I realize Im not a mother yet and due to that my views might end up changing, but I dont think they will alter by drastic measures.
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