The BK Story #77: Tech Wars #15: That Sinking Feeling | Page 1 | The Barely-Knowns | Guild Forums

cheesy nipples

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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 1:21 pm

Welcome to the Barely Knowns Story.

This story is all about everyone's favorite subject, themselves. Well, sort of. It's based on our very own Barely Knowns guild.

The story will tell the tale of all the events in our little guild here. Each one will stick as close to actual events as possible, with a little creative fiction from your truly.

I hope to introduce everyone into the story at some point. The more you post in the guild, the more likely you are to appear in the story.

This thread has been split up into different posts, so I hope it makes things easier for people to read.

UPDATE: 15/08/09: The number of chapters up is limited by the character limit to a post, therefore, I have set up a blog and will provide links to each chapter as it is posted.
Hopefully this will make it easier to read. If not, let me know and I'll figure something else for you.

UPDATE 25/10/09: I've rearranged a few of the chapters since I decided to do the Halloween story. But I'll say this as a warning too, anything in the chapter list provided is subject to change. I may rearrange the chapters if one person is appearing too much in one go. I may also add chapters in here and there too to space things out.

Post Layout

Post one: This one, introduction
Post Two: Chapter Summaries
Post Three: Links to Chapters
Post Four: Latest Chapter
Post Five: Coming Soon/ Other Stuff

Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 1:25 pm

Chapter Summaries
An Idea of what's to come.

Chapter 01 .................... Chapter 05 .................... Chapter 09 .................... Chapter 13 .................... Chapter 17 .................... Chapter 21
Chapter 02 .................... Chapter 06 .................... Chapter 10 .................... Chapter 14 .................... Chapter 18 .................... Chapter 22
Chapter 03 .................... Chapter 07 .................... Chapter 11 .................... Chapter 15 .................... Chapter 19 .................... Chapter 23
Chapter 04 .................... Chapter 08 .................... Chapter 12 .................... Chapter 16 .................... Chapter 20 .................... Chapter 24

Halloween 2009

Chapter 25 Halloween 2009 Part 01 .................... Chapter 28 Halloween 2009 Part 04
Chapter 26 Halloween 2009 Part 02 .................... Chapter 29 Halloween 2009 Part 05
Chapter 27 Halloween 2009 Part 03 ....................

Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34

The BK Picnic

Chapter 35 The BK Picnic part one
Chapter 36 The BK Picnic part two
Chapter 37 The BK Picnic part three
Chapter 38 The BK Picnic part four
Chapter 39 The BK Picnic part five
Chapter 40 The BK Picnic part six

Chapter 41 .................... Chapter 45
Chapter 42 .................... Chapter 46
Chapter 43 .................... Chapter 47
Chapter 44 ....................

The BK Team

Chapter 48 The BK Team part one
Chapter 49 The BK Team part two
Chapter 50 The BK Team part three

Chapter 51 .................... Chapter 55
Chapter 52 .................... Chapter 56
Chapter 53 .................... Chapter 57
Chapter 54 .................... Chapter 58

Halloween Story

Chapter 59 .................... Chapter 62
Chapter 60 .................... Chapter 63
Chapter 61

Chapter 64 Nu and Nukuu argue again ........................................Chapter 71 Christmas 2010
Chapter 65 Ribbish Tries to get a job ...........................................Chapter 72 New Year 2010
Chapter 66 The Annual Take Things Literally Day .........................Chapter 73 Introducing Doctor Lurve
Chapter 67 Prank-a-Thon .............................................................Chapter 74 The Russian Sleeper Agent
Chapter 68 There is a Problem With Your Brain ........................... Chapter 75 The Amazing NogginDew and Friends
Chapter 69 Let The Gamez Begin!1! ............................................Chapter 76 1930's BK takeover bid.
Chapter 70 Space, It's Really Big

The Barely Knowns: Tech Wars

Chapter 01 Log In
Chapter 02 The Construct
Chapter 03 Exploration Mode
Chapter 04 Level One
Chapter 05 Level Two
Chapter 06 The Face Off
Chapter 07 The Unknown
Chapter 08 Level Three
Chapter 09 Knights of the Barely Knowns.
Chapter 10 The Fire Bringer Commeth
Chapter 11 Got a Headache
Chapter 12 The Briefing
Chapter 13 The Attack
Chapter 14 Planet: Unknown
Chapter 15 That Sinking Feeling
Chapter 16 Attack on the Construct
Chapter 17 The Traitor Revealed
Chapter 18 The Final Battle

cheesy nipples

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cheesy nipples

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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 1:27 pm

~ Reserved ~

Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 1:28 pm

The Barely Knowns: Tech Wars

Chapter Fifteen

As the earth fell down on top of them, the Barely Knowns lost all hope. The beasts that had attacked them had all disappeared back into the ground from whence they had come. The sand was weighing down heavy on top of the group. All seemed hopeless. Escape impossible.

Ribbish pushed up against the sand. He was pinned face down, his arms outstretched in front of him as if preparing to do push ups. It was taking all his strength to stop himself from being crushed under the weight. Still, he had to get out. Not sure where from, he managed to find some extra strength. He pushed with all his might. He didn’t move.

Reeves was curled up, stuck between two other Bkers. He didn’t know who, his eyes were held tightly closed to stop the sand over his face blinding him. His thoughts wandered to the others. A simple game was going to cost them all their lives. Cheesy Nipples had already perished in the fight for escape. Now they all were going to meet their ends, buried alive on an unnamed planet in a virtual reality game.

Couture Debonair refused to believe what was happening. She struggled with all her strength, pushing and pulling against the sands burying her, trying to fight her way out. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t move more than an inch. She felt tears in her eyes, wished she could open them and let her frustrations pour out. It couldn’t end like this.

Theodra was frantic. Not good with enclosed spaces, being buried alive was a nightmare for her after her earlier experiences in the game. She would be breathing deeply, trying to calm herself down, if only she could breathe without getting a mouthful of sand. She decided not to struggle, to save her energy.

Violacious Vertigo could feel the sand getting into every nook and cranny. She hated it. She twisted left and right trying to wriggle free towards what she hopec was the surface. She didn’t have to strength to carry on. She was finding it hard to breathe; with so much sand around she was fighting back the urge to choke. If she opened her mouth the sand would pour in and it would certainly be her end.

Nu Lucrezia had never stopped fighting. He struggle against the beasts’ and continued to struggle now. He had managed to make a small space in front of his face, allowing him to breathe. He could feel his strength leaving him as he continued to fight, yet he refused to stop. He had to carry on, he wouldn’t die like this. He would get out.

Meacorme had struggled for as long as she could, but soon tired out. Now she lay still, covered in the sands, surrounded by her friends. NogginDew had no idea that Mea was only a couple of inches away from him. He had tried to fight against the weight of the sand, but after a while, decided it was better to just try to stay alive.

That was when the arm grabbed him. Coming from out of nowhere, he felt the sands move first. Believing the monsters had reformed, Noggin began to struggle, to try and get away from the arm. After a couple of seconds, the arm was wrapped securely around his chest. He tried to pull away, but had no where to go. He felt himself being pulled further into the sands.

Then his head breached the surface. Feeling the warm air of the desert on his face, he opened his eyes and took in a deep breath while his rescuer continued to pull him out of the sand. Once he was on the ground, Noggin turned to see his savior, to see who had managed to get out and save them.

To see Cheesy Nipples, digging in the sand and shouting at him.

At first NogginDew didn’t realize what Cheesy was shouting at him. It took a few seconds for it to dawn on him that he and Cheesy were the only two on the surface. Cheesy wanted him to dig. So he dug.

After scrabbling around with sand up to his arms, NogginDew hit something solid. Fumbling around, he managed to grab hold of the Bkers chest and drag them through the sand. It took all his might to pull them up to the surface. It was Couture Debonair. She threw her arms around him and they embraced for a long time. Noggin managed to pull away from the embrace and asked Deb to help find the others.

Twenty minutes later, all the Bkers bar one, were on the surface, either catching their breath or digging for the last member of their group, Meacorme. Even with most of the group digging through the sands, it took another five minutes before Nu Lucrezia found her. It took only seconds to pull her out with a few of the group working together. But she wasn’t moving.

At first it appeared that Mea was gone. She wasn’t moving and didn’t appear to be breathing, but she still had a heartbeat. No one knew what to do. They tried to wake her but it didn’t work. Just as they were about to give up, she sat bolt upright and looked around at the group.

“Hey, we’re out,” she said, sounding slightly puzzled. She looked around the group and spotted Cheesy Nipples, “Oh, I suppose we should have expected that huh,” she asked as she embraced the Brit.

“We thought you were a goner,” commented Nu, Cheesy and Mea looked at each other, not sure which one he was addressing. Cheesy decided to let Mea explain herself before he began his tale.

“It was simple really. While we were buried under the sand, I realized that this is a game right? It’s all in our minds. Well, if it’s all in our minds, and it’s not real, why do we need to breathe? There’s no air. So, I stopped,” The Bkers looked at each other in disbelief. No one had thought about that. No one believed they could do the same thing that Mea had done. It took too much of a disciplined mind.

“Well, what about you Nips, how’d you do it? How’d you manage to survive,” asked Ribbish, looking at the exhausted and battered Cheesy Nipples, now leaning against a sand dune.

“Yeah, we saw you blow up in the atmosphere. You’ve got to tell us how you’re here. You know, not that we’re ungrateful,” added Theodra as she wiped the sand off her.

“Well, you’re not going to believe this,” began Cheesy as he lay down on the sand, his muscles ached and he needed to rest for a moment.

The ship was badly damaged. It was falling apart around me. The controls were fried, but there was still some power. I remember bashing my fists off the console in front of me and shouting a few choice verbals. I say a few, I think the air in the cockpit turned blue.

Anyway, after a second or two, the computer announced that it was ‘initiating emergency ejection sequence’. I had no idea what was happening, but it sounded good to me. There were a few small bangs and clanks from behind me and then a hiss of air. The whole cockpit had been turned into an escape pod.

It started to move away from the ship and that was when I saw all the damage. Some of the systems in the cockpit had come online, emergency systems I guess. Well, there was a thruster online, so I fired it, hoping to make it away from the ship before it blew. Didn’t happen. As soon as I fired the thrusters, the ship blew. I don’t remember what happened there, but I guess the shockwave knocked me off into the atmosphere.

Well, I was woken up by a siren. The cockpit was in free fall and I was going to burn up in the atmosphere. I tried some of the controls, but they didn’t work. The thrusters had been knocked offline in the explosion, so I couldn’t control the ship. I tried everything, but nothing worked.

I was falling out of control into the atmosphere, the ship was burning up and it was getting a little hot in that little pod. I thought I was a goner. Some systems had power, but they weren’t any good to me. I found the computer still responded to me so I got it to reroute power, hoping to get the engines back. Instead, I got the emergency thrusters. I tried them out and all I got was a puff of air from the engines. I could fart stronger than those things.

Well, I fired them again; it helped to level out the descent. Not soon enough though. I was already in the air, only a few hundred feet above the ground. Checked the readouts and the damn thrusters were failing, I could fire them twice more.

Fat lot of good that was going to do. I was about to fire them when the pod was hit. The computer said we were under fire and I didn’t need to ask where from. I could see the Construct ahead.

Well, I fired the thrusters and managed to avoid the next hit. But the third streaked the side, setting off another alarm telling me I was about to blow up. ‘Three seconds until fuel ignites’, it said. Well, that was that. I was a hundred feet up, with no where to go.

I pulled the canopy release and struggled out the seat. The air stung my face as I climbed out the cockpit. Two seconds to go, I jumped. Over the side, nothing but sand below. I closed my eyes, and waited for the fuel to ignite. Another shot hit at the moment of the explosion. I was hit by the shockwave and sent plummeting to the ground. Last thing I remember is hitting a sand dune.

When I woke up, I could barely move. I was half buried in the sand, which must have cushioned my fall. I saw your ships come in to land, then a minute or two later heard the explosion. I had to get to you. It killed me, but I made it here just in time to see those things drag you into the sand. I got to you as fast as I could and started digging.

“Dude, that’s unbelievable,” blurted Ribbish shaking his head. It seemed that Cheesy had had an adventure all on his own while they had been separated. After talking for a little while amongst themselves and resting, the Bkers turned back to business.

“We’ve got to get to the Construct and put an end to this. We’re so close,” commented Reeves. The others all agreed and started to formulate a plan. After another half an hour of discussion, they moved out in the direction of The Construct.

It took forty five minutes of walking before the Bkers reached the Construct. They were in awe of the size of the building. It was clearly visible above the sand dunes for miles around. Made of shining metal, it left an imposing impression on all that approached.

As they ducked down and hid behind a dune not far from the huge door to the Construct, the Bkers watched carefully for any sign of the enemy.

“I can’t see anyone,” whispered Couture Deboniar.

“Doesn’t mean they’re not there, remember the last lot,” replied Nu, looking off to the right of the doors.

“I can’t see any other way in. It’ll take days to walk all around this place. We don’t have the time,” added Theodra. They all agreed. They couldn’t risk staying there for too long. If some of those sand monsters came back, they may not survive.

“We’ve got to chance it. On three we run for the door,” said Reeves, making the decision no one wanted to. He paused for a couple of seconds and began to count down. Just before he could utter ‘three’, Violacious Vertigo called out.

“Over there, to the right. Can you see it, in the sand,” The Bkers looked in the direction Vi was pointing. Hidden just on the other side of a sand dune, the group could see a silver plate half buried in the sand.

“I’ll go check it out,” whispered Nu Lucrezia as he jumped up and darted across the sands towards the plate. All the way over to the dunes, he looked about in case those creatures reappeared. The Bkers watched as Nu dived over the dune and landed next to the plate. After a minute or so, they watched as the piece of metal disappeared to be replaced by a hole.

Nu jumped down into the new opening in the ground and completely vanished from sight. Tense minutes passed as the Bkers watched for Nu’s return. Five minutes passed and there was no sign of him. Just as the Bkers were beginning to fear the worst, Nu’s head shot up out of the hole. As the Barely Knowns breathed a sigh of relief, Nu motioned for them to join him.

“One at a time, there doesn’t look like there’s a lot of cover over there,” warned Ribbish before the first of the group moved off. He was right; there would not be enough room for the whole group to hide. So one by one they ran. Meacorme went first, followed by Violacious Vertigo and Theodra. Ribbish went third with Couture Debonair, Cheesy Nipples and NogginDew following. Reeves was the last to run.

As Reeves reached the hole, he could see a set of steps set into the ground leading down into a long dark tunnel. At the bottom of the stairs, the others Bkers stood waiting, deciding not to move off until they were all together. Once Reeves was inside, Nu pulled the hatch closed and turned to join the others.

“I haven’t been all the way down, but it seems to lead into the Construct. We can follow the tunnel all the way there,” reported Nu as he reached the bottom of the stairs. As one the Bkers set off down the tunnel, walking slowly and carefully; their assault on The Construct about tobegin

cheesy nipples

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cheesy nipples

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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 1:29 pm

Coming Soon

The BK Bond Story

Quote:

He was bustled into the large office space by two well built men in dark suits. As he was thrown forward he couldn’t stop himself from falling to the floor. He took a moment to look around the room. The wall to his left had an amazing view overlooking Gold Beach on the shores of Gaia, he could tell they were now at least twenty stories up.

In front of him was a large oak wood desk. Piled on the top of the desk was a stack of old books. They looked as if they were older than he was. On the other end of the desk stood a solid gold desk lamp and telephone. The large leather swivel chair behind the desk was unoccupied.

To his right the wall was lined with book case after bookcase. Shelves reaching up from the floor all the way to the ceiling. They spanned the entire length of the room, but his gaze was drawn to the gold ladder about half way down. On top of the ladder stood his captor. As the man climbed down the ladder he picked up a white fluffy cat, cradling it in his arms and stroking it as he made his way over to the chair.

He couldn’t help but watch as his captor walked majestically over and sat down behind the desk. For what felt like an eternity no one spoke. Then the two men that had thrown him into the room grabbed his arms and threw him down into the wooden chair on this side of the desk, before they moved away to stand by the door.

“I’m glad you accepted my invitation to meet here, Ribbish.” Said the man. He was sat with his back to Ribbish, hidden behind the large back of his leather chair.

“I didn’t have much choice.” Mumbled Ribbish as he glanced back to the two men stood by the door, rubbing the bruise on the back of his head where the one had hit him, knocking him unconscious.

“They were necessary to ensure your continued cooperation.” Stated the man. There was a moments silence again, making Ribbish uncomfortable, causing him to shift nervously in the chair.

“Do you have the item?” Asked the man, still obscured behind the high back of his chair.

“No. No I don’t have it.” Gulped Ribbish, staring at the chair. He had heard tales of what had happened to those that disappointed his captor. It was enough to scare any man.

“That is, unfortunate.” Said the man, flatly. Ribbish saw the cat come walking around the side of the desk and watched as it made it’s way passed him towards the door of the office. Once out of sight, Ribbish’s gaze fixed back on the chair in front of him.

“You assured me you could get the item within the allotted time. Now I find you have failed me.” Ribbish didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. He choked back the lump that was rising in his throat as his heart began to pound away in his chest.

Suddenly the chair swung around and Ribbish was now staring at the face of his captor. The one eyed man was dressed in a white suit, his blond hair resting on his shoulders. As Ribbish stared at his face, he couldn’t see any sign of emotion.

“Please, I just need a little more time. I’ve found it, but, I just haven’t had enough time to be able to retrieve it.” Stammered Ribbish. He watched as the man opposite him bought his hands up under his chin and laced his glove covered fingers together.

“I have given you all the time I can, Ribbish. You assured me you could have the item in your possession in a week. It has now been two.” Ribbish went to speak but the man continued, ignoring him.

“Not only have you failed to obtain the item, but I find you attempting to flee the city. This information did not please me at all. After everything I have done for you. The money I have paid you, you attempt to leave without procuring the item, or even attempting to. I’m afraid this cannot go unpunished.”

Ribbish froze. He tried to speak, to protest and explain himself but found the words could not be found. He watched as the one eyed man pulled his hand apart and reached to a set of buttons on a panel built into the top of the oak wood desk.

“Please, no.” He whimpered, finally finding some words. His plea fell on deaf ears. He stared at the black gloved hand as it floated over the panel until he pressed one of the five buttons.

Ribbish felt the chair jerk under him, causing him to grip the edges tightly. A second later the floor beneath opened up and sent Ribbish and the chair plummeting into the darkness below.

The one eyed man pressed another button on his desk and watched as a new chair, one that looked exactly like the one falling with his doomed employee, was lowered out of the ceiling onto the same spot in front of his desk. The trap door in the floor snapped shut a split second before the new chair landed.

“We need to find ourselves a new associate. One that can complete the task at hand.” Stated the one eyed man to the two men who were still stood at the door. They nodded to their boss and walked out of the office. As they left, the cat walked back in and immediately jumped up onto the mans lap.

He sat staring out of his window, stroking his cat before swivelling around in his chair to face the rear of his office. The wall was covered in schematics and blueprints for the device he was building. He mulled over all the diagrams before his attention was drawn to one in particular. The one that outlined the function of the missing piece, the piece Ribbish had been contracted to collect.

“Soon, my pet.” He whispered as he stroked his cat, staring at the diagram.

Chapter One

He had been lying in bed when he had got the call, his conquest from the previous night still wrapped in his bed sheets in his hotel room. She had barely stirred when he had moved from the bed to answer. It was only when he had gone for a shower that she had been woken. He walked back into the bedroom to see her lying there looking up at him.

“Where are you going so early?” She asked him as he began to get dressed. He smiled a sorrowful smile.

“I have to go to work. Something’s come up.” He answered, the British accent seemed to soften to blow for her slightly. She had always liked the English accent, add to that the fact this man had a way with words that made almost any woman swoon and she was smitten.

“So early?” She moved across the bed, the sheet falling away to reveal her ample bosom, “Can’t you stay a little longer?” She wrapped her arms gently around his chest and began to caress his body as she kissed his along his shoulder and neck.

He had only managed to pull on his trousers before she had entangled him, enticing him to stay. He knew he had to go to work.

“Well, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if I’m a little late.” He replied with a sly smile on his face before turning to kiss her passionately. They fell back onto the bed together to repeat the activities of the previous night.

Two hours later he arrived at the office in London. He smiled at his boss’s secretary as he entered the office, his long raincoat over one arm, his fedora in his left hand. With one swift movement, he sent it sailing across the office, landing softly on top of the hat rack in the corner.

“And I suppose you think that’s impressive do you?” Asked the young lady sat at her desk in the office.

“Not as impressive as other things I can do.” Replied the man as he moved to sit on the corner of her desk.

“I’m sure. Do you win over many ladies with that line, James?” She asked him, looking up from her computer screen to meet his gaze.

“It’s not intended to win anyone over, merely a conversation starter.” A coy smile crossed James face as he sat there looking down at the young secretary.

“Hmm, and I wonder where those conversations lead to.” She replied, “Go on, she’s waiting for you.” She continued before James could respond. He smiled at her once more before moving off the desk and heading to his boss’s door.

The young secretary, out of the corner of her eye, watched James go. She knew how James was with the ladies and although she made out she disapproved, she couldn’t help but find herself attracted to him.

“James Bond here for you M.” She said into her desk intercom, letting her boss know that James had finally arrived for the meeting he had been summoned for.

As James entered the office, he looked around to see his boss standing looking out of her office window. The view of the River Thames was magnificent. He couldn’t help but admire it every time he looked entered the office.

“You wanted to see me, M?” He asked as he moved over towards her. She turned to face him as he approached.

“Take a seat, James.” She motioned to the leather arm chair on the opposite side of the office as she walked towards another a little closer. James moved over to the chair and sat down.

“I have an assignment that needs your immediate attention. That is, if you’re not too tired from your,” She paused as if searching for the correct phrase, “your extra curricular activities.” James had no doubt she was referring to the young brunette he had left to sleep in his hotel room. Although she was the head of the agency, it always surprised James just how much M knew about her agents activities outside of office hours.

“We have a problem occurring in Gaia. A new nation, just of the coast of the United States. They’ve only been established for a few years now and have grown considerably both economically and physically.” She paused as she took a sip of a glass of water she had been cradling since James had entered the room.

“I’ve heard of them. Just off the coast of the U.S, but a separate nation. They don’t have the resources for their own intelligence agencies and often call on the assistance of others to help them out. But surely, the F.B.I or the C.I.A, one of America’s agencies would be better suited to help them out than we are?” Said James.

“Well, this time they’ve requested our help. They are having problems with a citizen there who has managed to gain considerable power in the nation. They believe he is up to something and after a series of thefts and disappearances across Gaia, they don’t think it’s anything good.” M moved out of her chair and over to her desk where she picked up a file. She handed it to James to read before sitting back down. James hummed as he read through the list of items that had been stolen.

“As you can see it’s a rather extensive shopping list. Those items aren’t much on their own, but once they are put together, it can be a bit of a problem.” Added M. James flipped over the list of items to look at a list of people that had mysteriously disappeared from Gaia over the last few weeks.

“Looks like these people all have some scientific experience; I can see why their government would be worried.” James closed the file before continuing,

“Do we know who this individual is?” He asked. M looked down at the ground before answering James.

“Yes. He was a British citizen before emigrating to Gaia four years ago. His name is Newton Lucrezia, although he goes by Nu nowadays.” James made no effort to hide his surprise at hearing that name.

A few years ago, when James had just been starting out in this line of work, he had a run in with an up and coming scientist, Newton Lucrezia. The British born man had graduated with honours from Oxford University and was looking to be one of the greatest scientific minds of the century, that was until his funding was cut.

After a series of accidents, Nu had his research grant cancelled. Nu then turned to crime to get the funds he needed to build, what he referred to as the greatest weapon mankind would ever see. James was the agent sent to put a stop to Nu Lucrezia’s crime wave.

After infiltrating Nu’s crime syndicate, he was forced into one on one battle with the scientist. James put a stop to Nu Lucrezia’s work and left the mad scientist severely injured after an explosion in the building.

Nu Lucrezia’s hands were severely burned and his right eye was badly damaged. Nu had to have his eye removed to prevent any further damage to the socket and his hands were left so badly scarred that he took to wearing gloves all the time. After a short stay in hospital he disappeared. No one knew what had happened to him, until now.

There had been rumours that the injuries and the defeat he suffered had sent him mad, but since he wasn’t around long enough for anyone to assess his mental condition, no one knows the extent of the damage to his mind.

“We’re sending you, James. You are to find Nu Lucrezia, find out what he is up to and if it is as we fear, stop him at any cost. If he is building his weapon, it would be a threat to the entire world. We cannot let him do it.” Continued M. She stood up from her chair and moved to stand in front of the fire place that was on the wall opposite her office door.

“Are you coming, 007?” She asked impatiently. James threw the file down onto the small table between the two chairs and moved over to stand by the fireplace. Once he was stood in front of the fire place, M twisted the candelabra closest to her. After a second the fireplace and the floor immediately in front began to spin. As they were taken out of M’s office, an exact copy of the fireplace moved into position.

James and M stood now in the agencies technology lab. James had been here many times in the past. Every mission he had been on had seen him make a stop or two at this laboratory to collect a number of gadgets that would help him in his endeavours.

“Ah Bond, good to see you again.” Said a frail looking man as he slowly approached the pair. James nodded courteously toward the man as he moved down from the fireplace, following M into the lab.

“James, you already know Q, well we’d like you to meet Gaia’s technology expert.” She paused as she motioned to a man standing a little further into the lab. He had his back to James, but James could see that he was well built, not what you would expect for a scientist. His black hair stretched all the way down his back to meet the bottom of the white lab coat he wore.

“This is Professor Awesome McGee.” stated M as the man turned around to greet them. Only it wasn’t a man. Stood in front of them was a hulk of a man. His skin, although pale was a shade of green. His fingernails so long they looked like claws. James was slightly taken aback by McGee’s appearance.

“Och. Nice to meet you Mr. Bond. I’ve heard all about you.” His Scottish accent was quite strong. McGee stretched out his hand to shake James’, who did so if a little reluctantly.

“So you’re our help from Gaia then? Well, I can see this is going to be one of my more,” James paused, “interesting outings.” He concluded as if unsure of what else to say.

“Ay, that it is laddy. Gaia is full of all sorts’a folk. Ye better get used to seeing strange sights.” Replied McGee before moving off into the lab to continue working on whatever device he had been before the introductions.

“Strange fellow isn’t he?” Commented James to M. She looked at him disapprovingly, as she had done many times in the past.

“James, these people come from all walks of life. You should expect to find many strange people when you arrive in Gaia. I hope you’ll conduct yourself with proper respect for them and their customs.” James smiled.

“I’ll be on my best behaviour.” Answered James.

“Yes, that’s what I’m afraid of.” replied M as she turned to address Q, “I trust I can leave him in your capable hands from here on, Q.” She concluded. Q nodded his response and M moved back to the fireplace and disappeared as it revolved, returning her to her office.

“Come on then 007, let’s get you ready for your trip.” Said Q as he walked further into the lab, James following a few steps behind him. As they moved along the lab, James couldn’t help but look around at some of the older devices he had used such as the Jet pack.

“Right 007, here you go.” Said Q as he handed James a silver Timex watch. James took the time piece from Q and studied for a moment before putting it on his wrist.

“Very nice Q, Did they cut your budget again? I’m sure I could go get one of these from Argos if it will save you the money.” Stated James sarcastically. Q looked at him, obviously not amused by his humour.

“That watch may look cheap, but it could save your life. If you remove the watch from your wrist and pull the pin out, you’ll find the strap hardens and that the wire extends out for forty feet. The wire is strong enough to hold up to five hundred kilograms.” Explained Q as James studied the watch. It always amazed him what Q could come up with.

“Here.” James looked up from the watch as Q handed him a Fedora hat. This hat however was slightly larger than a regular Fedora. As James took the hat he spun it around on his hand.

“Going into the fashion business now are we Q?” Asked James as he smiled. Awesome McGee approached as he saw Q hand James the Fedora.

“Ah, I believe I’d be best to tell you about that one laddy.” He began, “Y’see in Gaia we have these items, that one is the Vampire Hunters Hat. Looks like a regular Fedora but has some excellent advantages.” James looked at the hat. As he ran his finger along the tip of the hat, it glowed and transformed into a bladed glove and attached to his wrist.

“That’d be the first pose laddy, the bladed glove. Excellent for hand to hand combat.” Explained McGee. James looked at the long black blade now protruding from a leather cuff on his left wrist, looking impressed with the device.

McGee explained how to get the glove off and as James followed his instructions the blade returned to the shape of the hat.

“Y’see it has several poses th’hat does, but the only other one that might be of use to you is the crossbow. Just press on the band of the hat for that.” As McGee finished speaking, James did just what he was told. As he pressed against the band around the hat, he watched as it transformed in his hand into an impressive looking crossbow.

“Not my usual accessories.” smirked James as he placed the crossbow down on the table.

“Ay laddy, well Gaia isn’t your usual place.” Stated McGee as he motioned for James to follow him to another table in the lab. For another hour McGee introduced James to several other items he had bought with him from Gaia, all of which, he explained are everyday items on the continent.

James, for once, listened to everything the professor had to say, he was intrigued by the range of items being offered to him. Usually he would have several small gadgets that he would hide away easily. From what he was being offered here, he could tell this was going to be a unique experience for himself. After an hour James and McGee were joined once more by Q.

“Well 007, if only you would listen to me that intently. Maybe I would get some of my things back in one piece.” Stated Q flatly. James looked at him with a smile on his face.

“But Q, I know you enjoy fixing these things. I have to keep you happy now don’t I?” He replied. Q didn’t look impressed.

“Yes, well, come on it’s time to get you underway.” Said Q as he walked towards a door at the rear of the lab. James followed behind him while one of the technicians in the lab gathered the items from Gaia up and placed them into a suitcase, ready for the agents’ flight to Gaia.

As James stood on the private airstrip just outside of London, preparing to board the jet to Gaia he could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket. As he answered it he heard the familiar voice of M on the other end.

“There are just a couple things before you go James.” She began, “We’ll be assigning you to a Gaian Representative when you get there, someone who knows the case and can help you out.” James didn’t like this idea. Whenever he was assigned an agent from another department he always felt like M was organizing a babysitter for him.

He didn’t like to have the responsibility of looking out for another agent. His track record for partners was less than encouraging. Still, he knew there would be no point in arguing with M, it was already set up.

“She’ll be meeting you when you land in Gaia, she knows who you are and will be looking out for you when you arrive.” continued M, “And the last thing. Gaians don’t follow the same social guidelines we do, their names are not the same as ours, therefore for this mission you will have to go by an alias to fit in. While you are on Gaia, you are to go by the name Cheesy Nipples.”

James was stunned. What an unusual and provocative name. He’d been on plenty of missions where a countries customs differed from that of his own, but this was the first time he was told to go by a different name. But he would follow his orders. As he agreed and snapped his flip phone shut, his mind dwelled on the thought of James Bond, One of Britain’s top agents, going by the name Cheesy Nipples.

He boarded the plane while his luggage was being loaded into the hold. One suitcase of his own belongings and one of the items he had been given by McGee back in the lab. He sat reading through the files regarding Gaia and the countries workings as the plane took off and headed for the small nation.