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Ears / Sleep
The last doctor I saw was for my constant, insomnia-inducing tinnitus, a condition characterized by a pitch in the ears, which, for me, seems to be unexplainable (I got an above-average bill of ear-health) and likely incurable. My dad tells me his never went away.

Teeth
The ones I saw earlier were my dentist, who had my next cleaning appointment canceled since he couldn't make my teeth any cleaner if he were to use every tool he had there, as his words went; this worried him since, as his words also went, I keep getting these unexplainable, very unusually placed "craters" in my teeth. Four more cavities to to so far.
My favorite candy used to be banana-strawberry laughy-taffy, the low-calorie, delicious, chewy candy that always managed to make me happy no matter what shape my life currently was in, but I'm forbidden to have taffy now; my mom is sickened by the fact that I start to cry (like now) every time this fact is brought up- it is reason enough to kill myself, in my secret pathetic opinion.

Intestines
Before the dentist was my intestinal doctor, who, referencing my colonoscopy results, informed me that my intestines are much worse off than I had originally thought( and that I'm NOT as hysterical as first thought). He looked very worried, my mom admitted, and I detected even desperation, as he kept asking things like whether or not I took drugs, stating that my colon is unexplainably "sluggish." The "skitsmarker" capsule I took like a week before the x-ray of my intestines was nearly entirely still deep inside of my large intestines, though none of the contents of the capsule shouldn't have been in me.
I had earlier gotten through the ordeal of the gallon of prep-drink with softener & the following colonoscopy, when the doctor who had dug around and snipped at my intestines (a.k.a. the doctor who operated on me) ordered me to take this stool softener every day(, which I'm still taking, weeks/months? later). This is the third night that I've taken not only that laxative but another one, which I absolutely hate since the capsules containing the stool-softening pills are made of a glycerin-sorbital blend that has been irritating my already five-day constipated intestines.
I walk seven miles daily (trying to cut down to six due to wasting time, accidental weight-lose sometimes, and most of all anxiety and daily structure being ruined by preparing my battered feet every day for my hamster-wheeling(, a.k.a. tread-milling) and I eat an average of 40 grams of fiber each day (according to my daily close counting) this is unexplainable. I'm getting pretty tired of the weird insomnia-inducing crud these issues are inducing, the pain, the restrictions and control my life has choked on months/a year ago on, the constant flow of flat crap that I keep having to finger-probe out of myself for minimum comfort to be even a little bit HAPPY (oh, how I miss that notion), and the constant flow of clear/charcoal-dotted water that dribbles out of my @ss that requires frequent, unsexy wiping. I'm always in pain, and have been for years, and it all started with an ulcer, a wound in my large intestines that never healed, or more likely healed too tightly. I also hate always being smelly and having to burp/fart all the time or else I might be risking being kept awake all night from gas surging up and down my digestive system behind my ulcer.
Every morning, I waste hours lying in specific ways on my bed in order for the crap in my intestines to pass through the ulcered turn in my intestines; I have no choice, other than pain (which is currently keeping me up, and I know it is all my fault; yawn).

Uterus
I haven't had my period since last year, and it's late May of this year, now; three days ago, I ran out of hormone-pills, and my mom tells me she started hers three days after she ran out of her hormone-pills, so I'm having worse issues than her, though she's old and I'm barely nineteen.

Urinary tract
I just about always have the urge to pee, and it gets worse week by week.

Mind
I should be asleep, now- it is once again 3:01 AM, and I'm procrastinating on that bathroom attempt before another attempt at some sleep.
I've always been prone to waking up numerous times every night, now the high pitch (tinnitus), cramping/moving gas, chronic peeing, nightmares, etc., etc., have been making it a lot harder to return to sleep. and my autistic brother makes these frequent screaming noises yet we love him too much to keep him in his room (far from my own room) like a caged animal rather than with us, so I can no longer rely on evening naps.

My mom went on vacation again, this evening, this time to a different state, with her friends; my dad's wigging out and I'm also missing her, however not as loudly.
Good- she needs a break from the miserable vibes that I give off, at least every now and then; I hope she e-mails, soon. I hope I don't complain too much in my reply.

Muscles
I've NEVER been prone to muscle-aches, but my muscles randomly ache and tremble nowadays, even though they didn't when I first started building the muscle-mass I now have.

I must wonder, what body-part will be next??

My life..

Every day, I spend sometimes hours just getting ready for my hamster-wheeling (tread-milling) and it bends everybody else's day-to-day lives worse than it bends my own.
It is tedious.
I'm always week, sickly, TIRED, miserable, and not up to it. I don't much care about all the extra high-fiber foods I get to eat after I get it over with; freedom, which my mom admitted I'm lacking thanks to my current state of health, is hard enough to come by in my life, it seems.
When I don't tread-mill, I don't poop. at all.

My mom is burnt out, my dad is drugged up (with painkillers,) I'm not sure if I even have aquiantances/friends, and my mom won't enroll me into college until my health gets better and my ulcer/tread-milling gets better.
Both parents are too sickly to help me much, and they always have been, and I'm sickly too.

My nineteenth birthday is in a couple months and I've considered a suicidal vow for that day for in case my life becomes even more empty and hellish.
My life is painful, REPETITIVE, tedious, tiring, harmful to those I care most about, ugly, pathetic, and most of all completely and utterly empty; I just want it to end- this past year and a half of my body falling apart on me is really too much for my sanity and hope, now, so help.

It all started last summer, when I scratched my intestines by mistake, and then gradually my body started wigging out on me from there.

but my life was already empty before. Now, I am just about powerless to do something about it. Even though I'm not sure what I'd do about it, in the first place.
I KNEW I had it good, always I knew, regardless of how hellish my mom sometimes says my life used to be; I was always happy really deep inside. But it's like my little light has finally burnt out completely and sometimes I wonder if I am even capable of happiness anymore.. and now I'm crying again.

I read every ingredient on every food-item that I eat, avoiding trans fats, sorbitol, glycerin, high amounts of spices that don't agree with me & artificial sugars, etc. I take a multi-vitamin and sometimes other vitamins.
I'm 107 LBs, 5"2, 19 years of age, trying to maintain my weight, eating an average of 40 grams of fiber and 90 grams of protein daily, walking between 6-8 miles every day and lifting about a thousand times with my five-LB dumbbell arm-weights every odd day.
Before the ulcer, I yo-yo dieted, ate nothing but candy and sugary cereal and McFlurries/DQ blizzards, and rarely moved from my bed/computer unless I was going to public school. Life was very empty back then, too, but at least I still felt I had a chance. My life isn't controlled by me; it used to be controlled by something, and now my body is controlling my life. How can I have a chance now that my body has given up or is giving up? It is almost as if it figured out I already have. It happened over-night.

I should (try to) use the bathroom, eat something, use the bathroom again, and try to get a little sleep, now; I got like an hour last night, as per usual.

Help... Help, PLEASE.

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Now playing: Linkin Park - Breaking the Habit
via FoxyTunes

Well, I think most people in GAMI wouldn't feel comfortable with giving you any medical advice, since it's not our place. We could be wrong, and cause you more harm than good.

That said, on the sleep issue, you need some sort of sleep clinic/expert to look into that. I know some sleep clinics make you spend the night at least once so they can observe you trying to fall asleep with the lil electrodes on your head. Worth a try anyway. Start by checking out the major hospitals and universities in your area for clinics, then try private ones if that doesnt work.

Nobody on GAMI or anyone where else wants you hurt yourself on your 19th bday. People do care. We may not understand your pain, but we all care. Can you remember the good times? Hold to those memories. You're so young, that you have the time to change things around and get back a happy time for yourself. I'm not saying it's easy, or like it's just going to happen, but it's doable. It wont be easy, everything worth having is HARD to get.

I really think that you need to tell someone not in cyberspace about what you're thinking of doing. A therapist, a doctor, your family, someone. Anyone. Call 877-727-4747. It's a great hotline for people that just need someone to talk to. Promise me you'll call at least once. OK?