Second Chances
Nothing had been the same since he had heard that bloody prophecy. He truly despised with every fiber of his being that moment in time when he had eavesdropped on Trelawney’s interview and had heard the beginning of the blasted prediction. He was fairly sure it had been the only time that crazy old bag had actually been “graced” with the power of the foresight, and he had the misfortune to be there to listen to it. He wished he had also been given the sight, at least for that brief period, maybe then he would not have committed the mistake that he did. He remembered that stupid prophesy that had told him about The Dark Lord and the child that would bring him down and he cursed his pathetic existence for the hundredth time that night. Had he known whose child the Lord would choose he would have never told him in the first place.
Yes that blasted child, the root of plenty of his suffering. Not only the reason he now feared for the life of the only woman he considered his friend, and the only one he ever loved, but also the son of his most hated rival. A constant reminder that he had not only lost the love of his live, but that he had lost her to the man he most fervently hated. And yet deep down inside of him he felt hurt, because that child also represented what he could never have, he could never have her, and he could never have a family with her… That child was everything he had ever wanted and everything he had ever hated in one package and it was threatening not only his emotional stability, but also his mental status and his loyalties. He wondered how such a creature could be the cause of so many problems and changes in his life.
He stood waiting at the edge of the forest, waiting like so many times he had waited ever since he had realized the horrible error he had committed and had seek help from an alternative source. He knew something had happened the moment the dark mark in his arm suddenly exploded with pain and then almost as suddenly disappeared. This could only mean something had happened to The Dark Lord. He wished that this somehow meant the Order had found a way to defeat Voldemort; because even if he had been one of the Lord’s followers he much rather have his Lord dead than have her leave this world forever. And even if he had asked his master to spare her live, he knew her and knew she was a Gryffindor, and all Gryffindors were known for their high levels of courage. He knew enough of her to be sure that she would not stand to have her child die without putting up a fight and surely not without, if necessary, dying trying to protect him.
He desperately wished for her safety and fought to keep his hopes that somehow Dumbledore and the Order had managed to protect the family from The Dark Lord’s plan. But he didn’t think, or rather knew, that anyone in the Order was strong enough to defeat the Dark Lord and his followers. Therefore something else must have happened and deep down inside of him, he knew it must have been something really horrible, disastrous, probably even catastrophic…
He tried his best to keep his composure, even when his world was crumbling around him. As he sought ways to keep calmed someone apparated in front of him. Albus Dumbledore’s face did not calm his spirit. The old man’s usually sparkling blue eyes, seemed dull and gray, filled with pain, the kind which can only be felt when someone really dear has gone forever. Even before Albus started to talk Severus already knew what was going to be said, she was gone and there was nothing to do. And even if his entire being had spent hours, even days preparing for this news, it still hit him with the full force of a hurricane.
“Lily and James are dead…” were the words that came out of Albus mouth with great sorrow and he place his hand upon Severus shoulder in a consoling manner.
Snape was aware that the old man kept talking, because he could see his mouth moving, but he could no longer hear any of it. His mind was in turmoil as the words sank in. She was gone, her smile never to grace the earth again, her enchanting laugh to never be heard by human ears again, her beautiful green eyes never to shine again. And everything was his fault, his fault entirely, he could never live like this, not without her, knowing that it was his fault that she was gone and that no man will ever hear her sweat voice or see her sparkling eyes again. His soul and mind were shattering and all he could see was her face slowly fading away, all he could hear was her sweet voice calling his name, “Sevvy!” Just like when they were kids, just like before he had turn to the Dark Arts and lost her friendship.
“She is gone… her smile… her eyes…”
“Did you hear me, Severus? Severus!” Albus Doumbledore shook the younger man, trying to get him to react, to wake from his pain induced shock.
Snape looked at Albus, still lost in his pain, but acknowledging, that the older man was speaking to him.
“Their child, Harry, is still alive.”
Snape still looked at him bewildered, was this somehow supposed to bring some kind of comfort to him? He couldn’t understand how the news that the brat, who had caused this whole mess, was still alive was meant to make him feel better.
“But she is not… she’s gone… forever…” he could feel pain with every word.
“Not everything of her is gone, her son, he has her eyes, yes her very eyes.”
“Not the same… never… lost…”
“Severus, listen to me! Not everything is lost. We must protect her child, so her sacrifice won’t be in vain.”
“But the Dark Lord is gone!”
“You know as well as I do, that there will be a day in which Lord Voldemort will return, and we must keep Harry safe so Lily’s death will mean something.”
Snape still wasn’t completely convinced of what Doumbledore wanted from him. To him the child meant nothing, only a remainder of the pain and the losses suffered trough the years. But if it meant so much for Lily… he would try, try to feel beyond what he felt.
Just before Albus left for the Dursleys’ house, he brought the child to Severus. He looked at the child with disdain, the death of Lily still too fresh and painful in his memory. This child, he consider, was not worth the death of such a wonderful woman. Everything about the boy reminded him of James Potter, until the child opened his eyes and he could see the emerald sparkle of Lily’s eyes. For a brief moment he could see her eyes, her sweet caring gaze, her strong willed look and he knew that this child was worth protecting, if only to keep those eyes, her eyes, shinning in this world.
Doumbledore had always had this uncanny ability to convince people to do things, even when they really didn’t believe in his cause. And it was so that he convinced Severus Snape to protect Harry Potter, because that way he would also protect what little was left of Lily on this world.
Unfortunately Severus Snape was not one to give up and he also was known for not accepting mistakes, not even his own. So, also on that night, he bowed that somehow, he would bring her back. Because he could not live knowing that she was gone and that her early departure from the world of the living had been his fault. He just had to find a way to bring her back and his knowledge and connections in the world of the Dark Arts would help him, one way or another. He knew there were plenty of ways to bring people back from the death, potions and spells to make inferi and ghosts, but this was not what he wanted. He wanted to have her back, entirely, her soul and body as they were and at the moment he knew of no such magic. Research would have to be made, before he could attempt anything, he would have to be more than careful, because it would not only require considerable amounts of dark magic, but it also would mean playing with her soul, which would probably mean he would only have one chance, at best, to get things right.
Years passed slowly…
Yes that blasted child, the root of plenty of his suffering. Not only the reason he now feared for the life of the only woman he considered his friend, and the only one he ever loved, but also the son of his most hated rival. A constant reminder that he had not only lost the love of his live, but that he had lost her to the man he most fervently hated. And yet deep down inside of him he felt hurt, because that child also represented what he could never have, he could never have her, and he could never have a family with her… That child was everything he had ever wanted and everything he had ever hated in one package and it was threatening not only his emotional stability, but also his mental status and his loyalties. He wondered how such a creature could be the cause of so many problems and changes in his life.
He stood waiting at the edge of the forest, waiting like so many times he had waited ever since he had realized the horrible error he had committed and had seek help from an alternative source. He knew something had happened the moment the dark mark in his arm suddenly exploded with pain and then almost as suddenly disappeared. This could only mean something had happened to The Dark Lord. He wished that this somehow meant the Order had found a way to defeat Voldemort; because even if he had been one of the Lord’s followers he much rather have his Lord dead than have her leave this world forever. And even if he had asked his master to spare her live, he knew her and knew she was a Gryffindor, and all Gryffindors were known for their high levels of courage. He knew enough of her to be sure that she would not stand to have her child die without putting up a fight and surely not without, if necessary, dying trying to protect him.
He desperately wished for her safety and fought to keep his hopes that somehow Dumbledore and the Order had managed to protect the family from The Dark Lord’s plan. But he didn’t think, or rather knew, that anyone in the Order was strong enough to defeat the Dark Lord and his followers. Therefore something else must have happened and deep down inside of him, he knew it must have been something really horrible, disastrous, probably even catastrophic…
He tried his best to keep his composure, even when his world was crumbling around him. As he sought ways to keep calmed someone apparated in front of him. Albus Dumbledore’s face did not calm his spirit. The old man’s usually sparkling blue eyes, seemed dull and gray, filled with pain, the kind which can only be felt when someone really dear has gone forever. Even before Albus started to talk Severus already knew what was going to be said, she was gone and there was nothing to do. And even if his entire being had spent hours, even days preparing for this news, it still hit him with the full force of a hurricane.
“Lily and James are dead…” were the words that came out of Albus mouth with great sorrow and he place his hand upon Severus shoulder in a consoling manner.
Snape was aware that the old man kept talking, because he could see his mouth moving, but he could no longer hear any of it. His mind was in turmoil as the words sank in. She was gone, her smile never to grace the earth again, her enchanting laugh to never be heard by human ears again, her beautiful green eyes never to shine again. And everything was his fault, his fault entirely, he could never live like this, not without her, knowing that it was his fault that she was gone and that no man will ever hear her sweat voice or see her sparkling eyes again. His soul and mind were shattering and all he could see was her face slowly fading away, all he could hear was her sweet voice calling his name, “Sevvy!” Just like when they were kids, just like before he had turn to the Dark Arts and lost her friendship.
“She is gone… her smile… her eyes…”
“Did you hear me, Severus? Severus!” Albus Doumbledore shook the younger man, trying to get him to react, to wake from his pain induced shock.
Snape looked at Albus, still lost in his pain, but acknowledging, that the older man was speaking to him.
“Their child, Harry, is still alive.”
Snape still looked at him bewildered, was this somehow supposed to bring some kind of comfort to him? He couldn’t understand how the news that the brat, who had caused this whole mess, was still alive was meant to make him feel better.
“But she is not… she’s gone… forever…” he could feel pain with every word.
“Not everything of her is gone, her son, he has her eyes, yes her very eyes.”
“Not the same… never… lost…”
“Severus, listen to me! Not everything is lost. We must protect her child, so her sacrifice won’t be in vain.”
“But the Dark Lord is gone!”
“You know as well as I do, that there will be a day in which Lord Voldemort will return, and we must keep Harry safe so Lily’s death will mean something.”
Snape still wasn’t completely convinced of what Doumbledore wanted from him. To him the child meant nothing, only a remainder of the pain and the losses suffered trough the years. But if it meant so much for Lily… he would try, try to feel beyond what he felt.
Just before Albus left for the Dursleys’ house, he brought the child to Severus. He looked at the child with disdain, the death of Lily still too fresh and painful in his memory. This child, he consider, was not worth the death of such a wonderful woman. Everything about the boy reminded him of James Potter, until the child opened his eyes and he could see the emerald sparkle of Lily’s eyes. For a brief moment he could see her eyes, her sweet caring gaze, her strong willed look and he knew that this child was worth protecting, if only to keep those eyes, her eyes, shinning in this world.
Doumbledore had always had this uncanny ability to convince people to do things, even when they really didn’t believe in his cause. And it was so that he convinced Severus Snape to protect Harry Potter, because that way he would also protect what little was left of Lily on this world.
Unfortunately Severus Snape was not one to give up and he also was known for not accepting mistakes, not even his own. So, also on that night, he bowed that somehow, he would bring her back. Because he could not live knowing that she was gone and that her early departure from the world of the living had been his fault. He just had to find a way to bring her back and his knowledge and connections in the world of the Dark Arts would help him, one way or another. He knew there were plenty of ways to bring people back from the death, potions and spells to make inferi and ghosts, but this was not what he wanted. He wanted to have her back, entirely, her soul and body as they were and at the moment he knew of no such magic. Research would have to be made, before he could attempt anything, he would have to be more than careful, because it would not only require considerable amounts of dark magic, but it also would mean playing with her soul, which would probably mean he would only have one chance, at best, to get things right.
Years passed slowly…
