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 Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 1:14 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 6:30 am
Its really good.Only now I might have a fear of angels with daggers!!
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:09 pm
Wow, that was good. Psycho angels are creepy...
The rhythm seemed a little awkward at times, but the imagery in the poem really made up for it.
Bottom line is, it's good qualites definately out-weighed the bad ones.
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:13 pm
-nods- thank you.
i actually don't know what i was going for with the Angel, i guess just a new take on the whole "fallen angel/lucifer" deal. thanks for the comments, guys, much appreciated.
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Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 8:01 pm
Quote: His presence held peace that radiate Did you mean "radiates"? Quote: In this moment I saw the world weep to, "too", not "to". Quote: But instead he sung a song without any words, This totally disrupts the flow. Too many syllables. Quote: And with one quick movement he cut his wings, He smiled as they hung beside him broken, Thetransition between these lines is a little weird. Normally a break would work, but that doesn't follow your style so you'd need a conjunction or something. Quote: In my dreams he jumped from Heavens gates, Nit pick, "Heavens" should be "Heaven's", since it is possessive. It's probably been a while since you looked at it. I hope that now that I've brought it to your attention you'll find things you can improve on. ^^ Over all it is a good poem with an interesting subject and startling ending.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:45 am
awsome although I can probalby understand why he went a bit baserk... verry nice...
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:17 pm
wow, Angel pPresure problems. My shrink would say he has a complex. Cool poem, I liked it. Make youwonder, don it?
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 1:10 pm
That was quite interesting. I liked it; it was a little odd, but in a cool sort of way biggrin .
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:55 pm
That was really good I liked the kind of character you gave the angels. I also enjoyed your imagery the descriptoin of angel using the dagger is excellent...
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:24 pm
That was fun to read, I could really see it happening in my head. And the first POV gave a nice personal touch. Did you really dream this? Heh.
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 4:16 pm
0_o Creepy psycho angels.
Brilliant. I could really see it in my mind's eyes and it flowed really well. Plus it'll make me remember it for a while. I never did like angels with daggers anyway xD
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 7:16 am
Interesting. It was really good, but all of the commas kinda scared me. Though I'm not good with poetry punctuation. I have no idea how that works.. Soo... Yeah. Awesome poem! <3
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 2:13 pm
pretty good. Serieve pointed out some errors there and i agree with most of what was said. i think this poem is interesting in the fact that alot of people see angels as these holy and perfect beings that reside in heaven along side the all-mighty god and spend their days singing and playing guardian angel in our lives. but here in this poem, we see a glimpse of an angel different from such a describition. i loved the way you ended it, that last line. "And I swear, he was laughing as he fell"
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