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 Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 8:49 am
Overall, chapter one of Government and Police by Patriotic Police is very grabbing, and has quite the interesting plot behind it. But it seems like it's moving a little too fast, having too many different thoughts together in one paragraph. It just runs a little off, but in general, it is not badly written. Some sentences could be combined to make it flow a little more smoothly.
I did, though, enjoy reading it, and I hope that I can read more soon. I like the plot so far and the twist with our main character Matt having an interest in Elizabeth. Romance put into plots always spices things up a bit.
Very nice job, Patriotic Police. I hope to read more soon.
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 8:53 am
It's only the first chapter. Though thanks for the feedback. I'll try and take things slow in the next one.
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