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I don't mean that lightly - I've always been against suicide because I've always thought that suicide is never the solution to anything, never solves anything. I've always pushed myself no matter what life threw at me, made myself get up and try again. It never got easier, and only made me bitter.

It seems like the more I try to live and find reasons to live, the more I get disillusioned with the world, its people, and the s**t in my life in particular. Stuff like love and true friendship seems to be only the stuff of fairytales. In real life nobody ever seems to unconditionally care about another person. The harder I try to make deep connections with people, the worse I get hurt. Everybody backstabs and betrays sooner or later.

I may be successful in other areas of my life, but it all looses meaning when I have nobody to share it with. I hate the idea of suicide because it is just giving up on life, but is a life where I wouldn't be missed really that horrible to give up on? Am I not just prolonging my misery by forcing myself to keep trying to live? I've always been very proactive about trying to fix any problems in my life, but I wonder if I just need to admit defeat since none of my efforts seem to make a difference.

I don't know what to do. I'm tired of dealing with life, and tired of always being so alone in the world.

Be strong. Take care of yourself. There will always be friends. I'll be your friend. And if they are backstabbers then they really weren't friends at all.