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 Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 9:43 pm
So I'm incredibly stressed out about this exam I'm studying for. It's not entirely unfounded, because I am behind in my reading and it isn't subject matter that I'm intimately familar with or particularly care to be, but I'm taking things to extremes. I'm stressing over the issue of grad school (and I'm only a sophomore in uni) and what degree to get, whether I'll be able to make it into a grad progam, if I'll be able to stick it out in a research-oriented program when what I really want to do is clinical work... etc.
But anyway.
My boyfriend really doesn't understand my mental illness. I don't like telling him that I'm not doing well because he just worries (which makes things worse) and really doesn't understand how to handle me when I'm in a depressive down-swing. In return, I snap at him and I know he can tell that I'm on-edge all the time, but he doesn't know what to do.
I can tell him the various symptoms of depression until I'm blue in the face, but he just hasn't BEEN there, so he has trouble comprehending. Moreover, I can't tell him how to deal with me when I'm depressed... hell, I don't know how to deal with me when I'm depressed.
So... any pointers? Support groups (either online or irl) I can point him at? Words of comfort and/or advice?
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:22 pm
Well, you have to know your own ways of coping so you can give him concrete pointers on how he can best support you. He'll have to figure out his own best way of coping, though offering him resources is a good idea. My suggestion is to just say "I'm not feeling well" instead of trying to detail symptoms that frustrate him, and then proceed to tell him exactly how you want him to act during the unwell time (i.e. if you want to be left alone, hugged, see a crappy movie, etc.)
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 8:28 am
It is difficult when your parttner can not relate to what youre going through, my husband and i both suffer from mental illness so at least when one of us is having issues the other understands " hey listen im a little messed up right now so dont be too upset with me ok?" you can only do your best to educate him. thier are groups taht offer support for loved ones of patients and i think if hed be willing to participate in one itd be largly benificial. And if maybe you could have one session with your dr he comes to, that was helpful for my husband and i. We talked about methods to work through theese things togethor. Alot of our loved ones frustration is not being able to help. So if he feels more empowered to help you he may feel better and in turn place less stress on you.
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 9:22 am
Thanks, guys. These are good suggestions.
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