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Tags: BDSM, Bondage, Sadism, Masochism, Sadomasochism

The Torture Chamber Club

I'm actually not entirely sure if I belong here or not...

Valgaror

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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:49 am

Maybe I'm closer to a negative stereotype that you sane-seeming people would prefer to avoid. XD

I know it says "No matter your fetish you will not be looked down upon" but I'm actually not entirely sure if it's really a "fetish" with me... not sure how to explain it.
Hmm.

I'm 20 years old, and have spent my life up until now assuming I'm asexual. I've just never been interested. Physically everything's fine, mentally... everything just left me anywhere from bored to vaguely disgusted. I've never been good at interpersonal relationships, anyway, which didn't help.

Then a friend of mine in a different forum made a thread complaining about becoming desensitized to too many things, and having to look for more and more extremes in order for something to have an impact. Gore, decapitation, torture, all of that. I thought "Well, I've never really been 'sensitized' to it in the first place, but maybe I've been thinking of this in the wrong way, now I'm interested, maybe I should give this a try," and so I start wandering around some guro sites...

...And suddenly this s**t is getting through to me in a way that nothing ever did before. XD

I'm slightly concerned, as a result, that somehow the proverbial wires in my brain were crossed somewhere, and aggression and all that causes pleasure where nothing else seems to do so. It's not anything I have done or could do IRL, so now I'm understand where my friend was coming from with the concern of becoming too desensitized and fear of going to extremes.

I guess I'm just curious if my mentality is something completely different or what- whether this guild is more people who view it as 'sex perhaps with some violence on the side" while I'm just "VIOLENCE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE" or something, hah. Know what I mean?

Our frozen hearts, our frozen minds, can't feel compassion
We breed our sons to live their lives behind a gasmask
Why seek the sun? Why should I care?
We're all immortal

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:35 am

do not fear, your condition is completely reasonable. your "fetish" is just taking the word on in a much more literal sense. many many many people use the word fetish in the proper sense, witch is basically that there is no arousal if the fetish is not respected. personally, i dident have my first orgasm until i was 18 due to the fact that i was afraid to voice my fetish

jamjam163

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Lime Kiss

Versatile Lover

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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:20 pm

A lot of submission/domination has absolutely nothing to do with sex. Some of the most fun I can have sadistically involves no sex. It's just about terror and blood and control.

If you start abducting people and forcing them into it... then I'd be worried. But otherwise, you're just a sadist.

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 3:30 pm

you belong. O-o here's your celebratory muffin *hands out the muffin*

personally i don't get guro but if you like it then good for you razz

anyways, yeah you are pretty much a sadist. ;3 congrats. find yourself a nice submissive and go to town. just remember to keep things SSC.

YoukaiAlchemist

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Dystopia Lycanthropia

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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 3:51 pm

Yeah, I'm basically just gonna voice what everyone else did. For the most part. There's nothing wrong with having some out there fetishes; such as watersports or scat, for example. Neither of those is attractive to me, but that doesn't mean you can't indulge in them. You just have to be safe and, well.. sanitary about it.

You'll just have to keep a clear head about all of it. Since I do agree that you're just a sadist, why don't you try less dangerous forms of pain -- figging is one of my favorites. It involves an intense burning sensation but no breaking of the skin, etc. Flogs, crops, and other similar things are another good option. Just be sure you can keep fantasy separate from reality; you may enjoy watching this stuff, but it would be unrealistic to actually enact it... Not to mention illegal.

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:17 pm

Good idea, Brit-- focus on creative, non-dangerous ways to cause pain.

Anyway... I've been stewing on my answer.

I'm very similar in that I thought I was asexual until I discovered BDSM. Even a while after I had identity issues. Sex just isn't appealing without some aspect of power exchange-- I crave an element of volnerability or I'm just not interested. And like you, my fantasies often become darker over time.

And on a note similar to another one of Brit's, remember that reality and fantasy don't always agree. smile

Mors Doll
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Lady Sabattica

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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:08 pm

Just to start, I want to agree and just state that more than likely you are simply a sadist with a few wild fantasies and you are more than welcome here.

I do want to mention though, that BDSM isn't violence or abuse, it is the exchange of power and the indulging in sadism/masochism. Despite some fetishes seeming violent or dark, they are very very different from abuse.

Depending on how severe the things you are discussing are, you may want to look up the various psychological definitions of sociopathy (Sociopath/APD/DPD). Many symptoms of such have to do with the inability to feel any emotion, etc. I think it is highly unlikely that this is the case, but it is an important thing to mention.

Going back to the case of you simply being a sadist, I believe that you have nothing to worry about as long as your scenes are consensual and not moving beyond what is safe and or logical for the reality of the situation.

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:20 pm

((very late reply))

Don.t know why I didn't post for this sooner....

While I'm sure it's something many have gone through... I was just as worried about the whole desensitized thing myself. It seemed like I just couldn't get into the whole sexual feelings that everyone else seemed to be getting as I was growing up. I wanted boyfriends because my friends had them, not because of the attraction. Then I would quickly become bored with the whole thing, going as far as 'faking' it to please whoever I was with at the time. It bothered me a lot for a long time. My only real attraction being the fantasies in my head.

Then a friend told me about 'The scene'.... And it all clicked. It was like a big "Duh!" For me once I started putting the pieces together. (I'm a very bright girl but seem to get lost on my own from point a to z without a road map sometimes.)

LadyJ86

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