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 Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 12:22 am
...Dedicated to those who Know...
"Inhale The Scent of Crumpled Rose"
a doll of porcelain, childish dreams
breaks the soul, gives way to screams
spooned out hollows once held hope
seeping crimson, they dare to cope
hear their piercing, dying cries
like sweetened honey, murderous lies
cling with desparate, broken claws
too laughable these blasphemed laws
rip the pain from withered hearts
defiling life before it starts
absent of breath, the wounded rests
a beaten sigh upon their chests
inhale the festering stench of those
living life as a crumpled rose
bereft of joy and loves embrace
lain to rest in soiled lace
~END~
A/N: if you don't understand this poem, please contact me. i want no misinterpretation. it is for those who do understand the meaning of the poem and what it stands for. it is NOT a happy poem. it is merely a way for me to express to those who Know and/or understand that i am with them and send my whole heart to them tho i am not with them in terms of completely understanding. punctuation is what it is...or isn't. thank you.
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Wow, I LOVE this poem! @____@
It has a wonderful theme and you capture the tone amazingly and the poem is so captivating! I don't think you have to worry about the poem being misinterpreted. You describe the emotions very well and you make it clear what your theme and what the point of the poem are.
I know I constantly mention flow, and I'm sure YOU know I constantly mention flow.
Well, the least I can say is that your flow is amazing. Without breaking your poem into stanzas, the "break" is very obvious. As I read this poem, I also whispered it under my breath to hear it aloud. (I often do this with poems. xD) The poem sounds so great read aloud. Your beat and rhythm is consistent with each line and it never falters.
On the subject of typos and/or misspellings:
Line 5: You put "thier" instead of "their"; This might've been a typo or a misspelling.
Line 6: You spelled "murderous" as "muderous"; Probably just a typo.
Line 11: "Breathe" should be "breath"; This is an easily-made mistake. "Breath" is the noun, "breathe" is the verb. This could have been a typo or just a mistake. xD
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:57 pm
boooo!! stupid typos....okay, thanks for pointing those out! i'm gonna fix right now! mrgreen
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:59 pm
Dragons Willow boooo!! stupid typos....okay, thanks for pointing those out! i'm gonna fix right now! mrgreen
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:20 pm
Dragons Willow Dragons Willow boooo!! stupid typos....okay, thanks for pointing those out! i'm gonna fix right now! mrgreen Haha, aw, it's okay, I've done the exact same thing. xD
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:35 pm
i put up a new story in "Horror and Macabre" called "Around the Bend" if you wanna read/beta it?....do ya?.... mrgreen i always luv getting your critiques!
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:21 pm
Dragons Willow i put up a new story in "Horror and Macabre" called "Around the Bend" if you wanna read/beta it?....do ya?.... mrgreen i always luv getting your critiques! Okay, thanks for letting me know you posted! I'l check it out now. :3 ¤::::: Because you asked me to. :::::¤
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Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:46 pm
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Reply
