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I liked the poem "Like girls should be" nicely done, some what moving too. I like how it empowers the woman to be strong. Good job Luna.

Like Girls Should Be
I love the word play that you use in the poem; it gives the poem a definite structure without the structure choking the poem. It allows to poem to change and still have a definite form (which I adore).

I love the transition in the poem. It starts of on a "something's wrong with me" vibe and moves to a "something's wrong with them" vibe, coming full-circle assuring that the narrator is "elegant, intelligent, beautiful" even though she isn't "small, petite, dainty."

I also think that ending the poem with "This is me" is a really good touch. It reasserts the narrator's individuality and how that's the best part of the narrator. It also helps intensify the circular nature of the poem with the whole coming back on itself.

I don't know what sort of spacing you were thinking about using (Are the words indented further than the original claims? That would look cool), but I think that what you have on here is good as well. As I haven't seen what you originally conceived, I can't say if it is better or worse, but if you want to share it, PM me and I'll give you my email so you can attach another version of it. I'd be more than willing to look at it.

The Session
I really got a surreal feeling about the poem, and I think it was brought on by all of the silences in the poem better the girl and the therapists’ comments. However, it wasn’t so surreal that I had problems following; it was just surreal enough to make me stop and pay attention to the poem. I also wanted to congratulate you on your ability to force the girls’ emotions home. The lines that I think really show this is, “No words could be spoken to describe/The emptiness floating inside her head.” I really enjoyed those lines.

I really like the alliteration (I think that's the word) in the poem. Tap, tap of the pen, and then the tick, tock of the clock really show the awkwardness of the scene. It also helps to length of the silences in the poem and gives the audience to read between the dialogue. Besides, it just amuses me.

I enjoyed the way you worded the therapist (I think it's a therapist) starting to write in the beginning of the poem, "The pen in his teeth dropped to his paper." It is a really interesting way of wording it that made me think (but not too hard) about what it meant. It was just abstract enough to blend with the almost-surreal quality of the poem but direct enough that it tells you what’s happening.

The whole smoking scene is really poignant, but I’m not sure how well it fits into the poem. Yes, it fills in some silence in the poem/dialogue, and it makes us dislike the therapist more, but it almost struck me as completely irrelevant. The rest of the poem is completely on her inability to write and the therapist’s ability to do so, and the smoking thing is never brought up again. It seems a little off-topic. Not distracting off-topic, but I did notice it. I do like the snide comment on the act of smoking by the author though. wink

I kind of wanted the girl to comment about the therapist’s ability to write but unwillingness to help her do so. I just wanted a snide comment from her about it, but I’m not sure if I would disrupt the poem. Or maybe not even a snide comment, just an observation of the fact that he is writing, but she can’t. I don’t know if it would work since it might be too obvious for the poem, and the tap, tap could very well cover that. I don’t know; I’m ambiguous about this comment.

I love the cliff hanger, unfulfilling ending. Does she even get over her writer’s block? We don’t know because the session is over. It made me happy that it made me unhappy. I don’t know if that makes any sort of sense, but that’s my comment.

Ribbons
First of all, let me say that I love this poem despite how negative my critique sounds. heart

The enjambment in this poem is amazing, but it’s a little overwhelming. There isn’t a place in the poem for the reader to breathe. In some ways, it enhances the poem; in some ways, it detracts from the poem. About the line, “when really they are the apple” I had to step back from the poem, tear my eyes away from a second, get a mental breath in, and then to back to the poem. I had to do this again about the line “Enough to taste.” On one hand, I love the way all of the lines evolve into something else; on the other hand, it made it rather hard to read.

Speaking about the evolution of the images, I want to say how fascinating it was for the poem to go from the innocence of “beautiful hues” to the disturbing “Leaving bruises on those little” to “cotton-candy dreams” to “makes them feel grey and dull” all the way back to rainbows coming from hands. It was a wonderful journey, and I really liked it (I know I just broke my own rule of always use because, but I don’t have one here).

Some of the images that really stayed with me are the ladies with steel tongues, the men that bruise, and cotton-candy dreams.

Really great poem! And I really mean that.

BTW, I’m sorry about being away so long and not commenting before. sweatdrop