|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 9:05 pm
Old:
In a brave new world
Where my love was free,
My dreams glowed bright,
And my heart desired thee.
Like wine,
My dreams improved with age.
But my cup overflowed
And around my dreams built a cage.
Like unloved hearts,
The cage rusted with time.
And when the drums of fate pulsed,
The shattering was nothing but a mime.
Entrapping boundaries still grip me
But my dreams have turned to dust.
Whisked away by the wind,
My heart still throbs with lust.
My love for you is immeasurable
For its reach toward you is infinite.
Forever to drift on as ashes,
The flame from my heart will never quit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New:
In a brave new world
Where my love was free,
My dreams glowed bright,
And my heart desired thee.
Like wine,
My dreams improved with age.
But my cup overflowed;
Around my dreams built a cage.
Like unloved hearts,
The cage rusted with time.
And when the drums of fate pulsed,
I found my dreams were past their prime.
My cage has crumbled and I am free,
But my dreams have turned to dust.
Whisked away by the summer wind,
My heart still throbs with lust.
My love for you is immeasurable
For its reach toward you is infinite.
Forever to drift on as ashes,
The flame in my heart will always be lit.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:44 pm
feels rough for you.....something must have gotten lost. i do think it's good tho! i like the idea that you presented. feels rather familiar actually. makes you wonder why we put ourselves thru the pain of it all, ne? i luv anything that incorporates all things fire related! the ashes, the burning, i liked the shattering too! and the cage theme....i've used that too. ish good!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 10:58 pm
Dragons Willow feels rough for you.....something must have gotten lost. i do think it's good tho! i like the idea that you presented. feels rather familiar actually. makes you wonder why we put ourselves thru the pain of it all, ne? i luv anything that incorporates all things fire related! the ashes, the burning, i liked the shattering too! and the cage theme....i've used that too. ish good! Hmm...But at least I still have love, and that's the dream that matters the most, right?
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. :3 I'm going to fix it up later though. I'll add -UPDATED to the thread title when it's fixed. xD ¤::::: Because you asked me to. :::::¤
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:18 pm
¤::::: I knew it was Jim's house. "...Well, then why'd you do it?" :::::¤ Edited and updated! ¤::::: Because you asked me to. :::::¤
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:59 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:06 pm
yays on the update!!! right, it flows much better now! 3nodding and i still luv it!!!! i dunno what was amiss the first go round, but now it's.....what's the word....hmmm....well whatever it was that was missing, it's no longer lost! heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:14 pm
Thanks! ^^ I'm glad it's fixed. xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 7:15 pm
Wow. This is a great piece of work! I could tell how you changed the mood from sadness to happiness. Which is always good in the end.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 7:21 pm
TrueBlood319 Wow. This is a great piece of work! I could tell how you changed the mood from sadness to happiness. Which is always good in the end. Thank you so much!
Yeah, I tried to make a balance of sadness and happiness.
I'm glad I succeeded. :3
Thanks again! ¤::::: Because you asked me to. :::::¤
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
