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 Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:54 am
✖✖✖Well, this is going to sound idiotic I'm sure, but it's really just something I need to see down in words.
I used to be kind of emoish, mainly just cutting myself. I could never come up with a reason for it except that it was some sort of sick punishment for myself that I deserved for not being perfect.
My friends helped me to break the habit though, and I've got scars to show for it.
And I haven't done it in so long, but lately, the urge keeps creeping up on me. I feel like I'm getting back in the state where I need to punish myself for all my wrongs. Everytime I see a blade, I'm tempted. I just don't really know what to do.
You don't have to worry about responding to this, just needed to... get some thought out.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:12 am
I know you said you need responses, but if I can offer some advice, try finding something that makes you feel good, like a hobby or something, that should help you get over the urges, sorry about not being able to help more, but hope it helps somewhat.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:39 am
I don't think this is idiotic, because I've been through the same thing.
I used to cut too.
My first was a little blade. But then I found out it wasn't good enough. And one quick little slice wasnt enough for me.
I moved on to other things.
I started using things to dig into my skin back and forth. Took longer to draw blood, and gave me more time to calm down. More like scratching, than cutting. But I ended up with the same scars in the end, so I consider them the same.
It was a coping method for me.
All the while, I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it.
I hate feeling certain emotions, and as silly as it sounds, when I mutilated myself... It was like I could feel that emotion leaving me.
> ~ >;
I stopped, not wanting to draw anymore attention to the scars than I already have. But when I found out about my mom's tumor, I ended up doing one more time.
I can honestly say that talking about it has made me stop.
Justin (Martyr) helped me to realize that it isn't a good way to handle anything. And I promised him and myself that I wouldn't do it again.
Likewise, it was good to come out with that.
Now;
TBH the main thing that allowed me to "officially" quit was to throw away my "tools", if you can, that's what I recommend. When I got sudden urges, I would walk around the house, outside, anywhere to clear my mind. As soon as you feel the need to do it, I would try and occupy yourself with something else. I found that if I just sat there and kept my mind on it, I was more likely to do it. Easier said than done, but it did help me somewhat. Also, just talking about it with other people helps so much.
D;
<3
I know what you're going through. Been there done that.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to IM me (if you have msn)
cheerleader_kitty@hotmail.com
Or just send a PM.
I promise I will drop everything to help you if you just need a distraction or if you want to talk about anything.
You aren't alone in this.
And I'm here for you if you need me. <3
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 11:33 am
*hugs* just felt like it =(
*hugs Dasily too*
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LightninConventionMastery
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:53 pm
Ruisu Serude *hugs* just felt like it =(
*hugs Dasily too*
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Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 2:42 pm
I'm too chicken to actually cut myself, but I've injured myself before. Hit my head against the wall, stabbed my head repeatedly with a pen cap, dragged a metal scraper across my feet.
It was a long time ago, though, and things have improved with me to the point where I don't get the urge to hurt myself comes up as often. I did things that wouldn't result in scars, because I'm adamantly against it. I don't think any different or any less of you because you used to cut, but there's no need for it. (:
You're a very beautiful young girl, with your whole life ahead of you. Happiness comes in many forms, and you just have to find a little of it in everything around you. Like the silver lining on a cloud.
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