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 Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:47 am
I Wish
There's not much to say,
After such a long day,
And to my dismay,
I won't see you today.
I wish you knew me,
And you could see,
I wish you didn't leave,
And that you could believe.
If you know that I care,
And that I'm always there,
You catch my stare,
And you take my air.
You put me under a spell,
And I heard the chime of a bell,
And I always dwell,
Cuz I wish to tell.
I love you,
And I've never been through,
I don't know what to do.
I wish you knew...
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:47 am
Untitled
I'm in such a real pain,
I try to get over my fears,
But the rain,
Doesn't wash away my tears.
You knew how to finish it.
And I'm hurting so,
If only you could have used a little bit.
Making it easier to let go.
Your always around,
Making me feel the pain,
Without a sound,
What do you gain?
I thought I grew strong,
But it's been so tough,
And I know I'm wrong,
But it's been enough.
I'm tired of trying,
My empty void needed to fill,
But I'm only crying,
And I'm losing my will.
I still have my fears,
But they're something new,
Cuz it's been years,
I was scared of you.
But now I'm scared of,
Letting my guard down,
And falling in love,
To only be another clown.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:42 pm
This is gonna sound a bit cheesy but...
Your poetry makes my heart break when I read it. I like the way you put a lot of meaning into each word. I was never really into writing romantic poetry myself but it's obvious in your writing that you enjoy it. ^^
I also like that every line fits in the rhyme scheme, I usually find it hard to write a structured poem about such a meaningful and emotional topic. Most of my poems end up with a halfhearted hint of rhyme, or some unrecognizable rhythm that I made up on the spot. xd
Of the two I liked the untitled one the best, it sounded like there was a long story there that I was only seeing part of. My hyper imagination likes that sort of stuff. rolleyes
The first one was good too, It strikes me with a sort of ephemeral, magic, sparkly light feeling, toned with wistful thoughts and a long yearning if that makes any sense. sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:48 pm
Thystle Thorn This is gonna sound a bit cheesy but...
Your poetry makes my heart break when I read it. I like the way you put a lot of meaning into each word. I was never really into writing romantic poetry myself but it's obvious in your writing that you enjoy it. ^^
I also like that every line fits in the rhyme scheme, I usually find it hard to write a structured poem about such a meaningful and emotional topic. Most of my poems end up with a halfhearted hint of rhyme, or some unrecognizable rhythm that I made up on the spot. xd
Of the two I liked the untitled one the best, it sounded like there was a long story there that I was only seeing part of. My hyper imagination likes that sort of stuff. rolleyes
The first one was good too, It strikes me with a sort of ephemeral, magic, sparkly light feeling, toned with wistful thoughts and a long yearning if that makes any sense. sweatdrop thnx ^^ i really try to put myself into my poems
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:24 pm
Where to start?
First off, I really like your new style. The rhythm is sort of upbeat in a depressing, hopeless romantic sort of way. I guess I'm kind of up there with Thystle Thorn when I say...does that make any sense?
I'd have to say my favorite is probably the first, it's very sort of fantasy like, kind of this fairy tale feeling.
The second is more like what you usually send me, more hopeless romantic then story book. It's a little bit more realistic and darker then the first. Which I like.
All in all it rocks, like usual.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:38 pm
Oh Flying I bet your tired of my sam old same old. I try to put lines in each poem for you to like. its a difficult task too.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:14 pm
BEWARE: Language and Description its at a PG13 level tho
When It Ends (Vampire)
My life is coming to its end.
Immortal always seemed long,
it came around the bend,
I thought I was so strong.
Living by night,
Sleeping all day,
I cause a fright,
Almost everyday.
For 500 years,
I lived with my curse,
And I survived all my fears,
But it only got worse.
Blood so tempting,
And I tried to fight it,
Its so revolting,
Even if I drank a little bit.
I've seen the world fall,
Wars take place,
Too much of it all,
People losing their face.
I've seen so much gore,
People screaming when I come near,
Even the lousy street whore,
When I came here.
After all this time,
I've been looking for the one,
But they never came,
What have I done,
To never find my dame?
I'm looking back in these final moments,
The stake entering my heart,
If they must leave their comments,
By taking me apart.
In those 500 years,
I did nothing but kill,
All of their tears,
Made me lose my will.
There shouldn't be my kind,
I should have helped my friends,
Instead of live in my mind,
It all matters when it ends.
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 2:53 pm
Very nice, very nice indeed.
I loved the first two, and the third was awesome as well. I'm just sorta mad at vampires at the moment, so that one didn't speak to me as much. :/
Nice rhythm, for the most part. The only thing is that it's hard to follow the beat sometimes; merely watch the length and flow of the lines. Read them out loud to yourself and sometimes you'll catch mistakes. After that, read it out loud to yourself backwards line by line. That's a good way to catch mistakes in the writing, as well.
Great poems overall, though! ^^
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:10 pm
The World
What is the meaning?
As I stare into the stars,
Things become demeaning,
Just look at the scars.
All things seem small,
In a world so big,
The ones who seemed tall,
Have lost their gig.
How can we understand?
This place is just a speck,
Where we stand,
Is a huge wreck.
How can we comprehend?
It's like a giant smoothie,
We all blend,
But where is the "me?"
You never know what you're gonna get,
Cuz we know nothing,
Of what might be a threat,
Cuz it's everything.
If you look at the stars,
And you see mars,
Then look at the passing cars,
You see it's just a bunch of scars.
Cuz the world is bigger than us,
Cuz we are so small,
And thus,
We must crawl.
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Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:37 pm
I love your poems. It's obvious you have a talent for writing them. But like Melodicanth said, I had a little trouble with the flow and the beat. Most of the time it would be going smoothly, then there would be a line or two that didn't flow right with the rest. I think you should keep writing though. The World and I Wish are my favorites. ^.^
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Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:01 pm
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Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:02 am
Shun
As I try to look around,
I see that I'm alone,
No one but me,
I can feel the tone.
The light of day,
Has tried to shun,
I still walk amongst it,
For I am not done.
Time keeps moving,
And I see no one,
I'm all alone,
This is no fun.
I see their masks,
And hear their laughs,
What did I do,
To be the center of it all?
It may be dark,
Cuz the light of day can be so bright,
Its so blindingly dark,
Because its so light.
I hate to be shunned,
For I did nothing wrong,
There's only one thing to do,
And thats come out strong.
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