I started treadmilling nearly two years ago when I became chronically constipated
From some unusually hot weather and possibly an altered prescription med:
When a trip around my block proved to be the only fix, I did it more often,
And I eventually realized I only worked when I walked every day.
As months passed, issues would keep coming back, but then I'd tack on another mile,
And then the Olympics on the TV led my ego to lead me even further than that,
And, before I know it, I'm walking first thing every morning,
Trudging through the peaceful breezes of Fall and the beauty of Winter
For eight miles around my block every day, always back home hours before dinner.

Summer rolled around again and my body proved to only work with eight miles;
Fortunately, my folks found me a cheap yet fine quality treadmill.
I wish anything else had happened since now, if I wasn't before, I am completely screwed:
My parents had been begging me to cut down on my mileage for a long time,
And for a while I was doing that, but then I realized the new benefits
Of a set speed of four-and-a-half miles-per-hour, then I discovered and raised the incline to five.
I burnt more calories and got used to eating all the time, so I figured why not
And when one feels up to doing more of a healthy thing one always should
So more miles were added sometimes, and then eventually every time
And then every 'Why not' morphed into 'How am I justified not to?'
When it comes to the four-half miles-per-hour speed and the five incline I'm so used to
And, more importantly, can obviously do just as easily as slower and without incline.

Bruises and blisters started forming on my feet thanks to my best pair of shoes,
But as long as I take half an hour extra, or two hours, or five hours, sometimes ten,
I'll be able to wrap each injury on my foot in ways that allow them to heal
As new ones form where I have
Or am I just taking so many hours because I don't want to treadmill today?
How about tomorrow? and next week and next month?
Leisurely walks that burnt nearly no calories can't make up for my newest eating habits,
My eating my entire day's worth of calories for breakfast as I "piddle," as my dad calls it,
Around my foot-bandaging station; and I spend each daylight prepping for that treadmill
Since I must treadmill to get my intestines to work and since I now eat too much,
And, most of all, what reason do I really have to not treadmill for a day?
I ask that question numerous times each and every day, as people forget about the old me,
The one who talked about and was about more, more respectable things than treadmill-prepping,
Bandaging my shoes-- as well as tying my hair back, putting on my sports bra, etc.
I now am isolated, bored, empty, robbed of all life, left in purgatory, hell, dying slowly inside.
If treadmill-prep takes this long, shouldn't my actual treadmilling be at least a little longer?

After all, who likes exercise, kinda like who likes jobs and homework?
There's no justification for not doing it.
Though those other things sure felt more productive,
So just where do I get off whining again?
Though I felt happiness when I did those other things.
There's no justification, no justification;
The feeling is fading and I'm often wishing I were dead,
But then again that's my problem, another obligation.

It used to be seconds that separated my from my walks, but the faster, more vigorous,
And certainly more beneficial version
I listen to the same few cruddy fast songs to help me keep from getting tired,
Missing the quiet, peaceful songs I love most, but rarely get the time to listen to
Which I listened to during those sedentary-natured walks outside around my block that I miss.

I miss when I had a small chance at life, but treadmilling seems to have killed me, all hope.
I mean, what else is there to expect in my future except myself decades from now, still alone,
Prepping for that treadmill in the basement? I wish I never got that treadmill.

I've always been sickly, I'm not much of a sleeper, so of course I'm never up to it;
That isn't an excuse for me not to exercise today.
After all, who likes exercise, kinda like who likes jobs and homework?
There's no justification for not doing it.
Though those other things sure felt more productive,
So just where do I get off whining again?
Though I felt happiness when I did those other things.
I'm being lazily slow again, and now it is dark out again,
But I've been sick more frequently since Summer's sicknesses have arrived,
And there's still no justification for not doing it;
The feeling is fading and I'm often wishing I were dead.
There's no justification for not doing it.

I'm not justified to beg somebody to bash that treadmill to pieces
And when I feel at least five percent up to it I really should get to my exercising;
This is the highest justification. But justice is killing me so slowly.

I read in many places that I NEED MY TEN-THOUSAND STEPS EVERY DAY;
How am I justified to obtain them in an easier way than on a fast speed on my treadmill,
Ya know, as opposed to going back outside to walk slower now that its cooling off again?
I'm not; that would be pointless, since I don't have to do that.

I don't feel like treadmilling tomorrow,
I can't ever relax anymore and don't have time for anything else unrelated to treadmilling
But ONLY things that aren't DIRECTLY from treadmilling too much
Could justify that day that might never come,
Unless, of course, I break a leg bone.. which I hope will happen sometimes this year.
I miss the days when I was better than some freak who dreams about preparing for treadmills every night that she sleeps.
Help.

It's looking like my treadmill will be sucking the life out of me until the day I (am a ripe old age.. the age I feel inside) die.


5:30 AM, here.. I better head to bed and TRY to sleep, despite all my ear & gastro & etc. issues.

By the way, today was my first day of halving my dosage of Welbutrin; can anybody tell me about what I might be expecting?