Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok mines long so here it goes...


I attempted to commit suicide 3 times and might have succeeded the 4 time and died. anywas went to an out of body experiance and saw a guy i never saw before. He asked " Why i wanted to die?"
I said, " Cause no one loved me."
He replied, " I have always Loved you and always will."
So I ask him, " Where the hell(sorry its wat i said) have you been for the last 11 years of my life?"
He touched my chest and said, " I've been here."
i awoke and threw up but the pills didn't come up. i took 35 pills of strong meds and a heroine like drug and washed it down with a screwdriver. Anyways i went to church the next day, or Easter Sunday, and saw the man that said he loved me on the cross. That is wat lead me to christ and ever sence i have only survied because of him.

That is my story call it what you will.

well i don't believe very strongly in god. but what did me turn to god was when my grandmother and grandfather died. they were both christian and i loved them (i still love them). somethimes i pray for those who i loved and who died.

i dont really have an amazing one. but here goes. i went to youth america this past a year (its a church camp in oklahoma city, ok) and i had gone there for every summer for 3 years. and i was living from spirtual high to spirtual high. and earlier this year i was having battles with it all. i mean i believed in god but i didnt really show my faith. this year when i went down there i really wanted something to happen. and every night we would go to service and i would try and get into god but i couldnt. finally on the last night there i connected with god. i gave my life over to christ and have been pretty faithful and such ever since. thats basically my testimony.

so according to u... heroin is not a drug... because as i have said before... my dad is a police officer and he has arrested people who had heroine...

mmmmhmmmm...

Well, since I'm new to the guild, I figure this is a good place to somewhat introduce myself >w<

Like Sam, I didn't really have one single terrible/miraculous/"hallelujah" event in my life.
My Dad is a pastor ((Assistant pastor technically)) so you could say that I've been around church and the Bible all my life. Although I knew pretty much everything there was to know factually, I never made the step of confessing and believing.
During my 8th grade year of school, I had just transfered into a public school after 5 years of homeschooling. I quickly discovered how different the outside world was compared to my sheltered little bubble.
I began to think about how just going to church and knowing about God didn't make me a Christian. In November of my 8th grade year I went to a guest speaking by the brother of Rachel Joy Scott -- the murdered Christian at Columbine High School. That message really made it final for me, and I decided that I was through with being a Christian poser and that I wanted to experiance the real thing. I prayed with my Dad on the Car ride home.
Although I've only been a Christian for a couple of years, I have noted a (positive) difference in my outlook on life and my actions. heart

I've never really told anyone my testimony or really gave it much thought but here it is so far... (Note: It's kinda long but all these details are important.)
I grew up in a Christian family. Pretty much everyone I knew was a follower of Christ, but I didn't know that until my parents had deicded it was time to tell me about God.
They told me how great He was and what He did. I was so excited and wanted to become a Christian like my parents and so I kept asking Him into my heart several times in a very hyper tone.
I loved my life as a Christian and wanted to spread His word to everyone. I loved going to church and seeing my church friends.
I got baptized by my dad and it was one of the most thriller events I've ever gone through.
Up until... maybe 4th or 5th grade I was beginning to have struggles. I trusted God in almost everything as a kid but when I was just beginning to experience things like media, books, art, and a bunch of other 'harmless' seeming things that all my other friends were into. It wasn't anything bad like drugs, cutting, or whatever. I didn't know about half that stuff and the other half just seemed pointless and stupid to do.
But in 4th grade I was freaking out about school and the tests. I actually LIKED them and then came the crushes... I've been crushing on guys ever isnce preschool but this was different. I liked a guy who didn't like me back and I kinda began to put him in the center of my life, but then I got over him by the end of the year.
5th grade came rolling along and I was living in a nightmare. Everyone made fun of my friends and I and I felt like I didn't belong anywhere anymore. I kept lying to myself and wanted to die more than anything. My family and friends kept me alive somehow. I wasn't ready to leave them yet.
As 6th grade came, I totally flipped. Life was tough, people were cruel, I even extended my vocab by a few nasty words. (Strong word for angry and dung... My parents didn't like it.) Everyone swore in my face, I was paranoid of smokers and my life revolved around my computer and imaginary world. I began to idolize anime without realizing it and was completely taken away from God. Yet, I still sung songs saying that I'd never be taken away from Him. I had several thoughts about suicide. I watched the movie Luther about a couple days before this. It was the first night of spring break and I was crying. "Save me, I am Yours. Save me, I am Yours." was what I kept repeating until I fell asleep. I had a dream about everything and everyone I loved that night. The whole world was about to be turned to stone for 100 years and we were trying to get to safety. All these things... if I died, I may never get to feel complete again.... I'd never reach Heaven because I had turned away. (I hadn't realized that part yet.) I told my friends during Sunday School and they prayed for me. We all knew it was God's work that saved me.
I never realized that I had been sturggling for years without realizing it.... it scared me but once I had joined the Youth Group last year, I realized that I wasn't feeling God's presence as I worshipped anymore and it scared me. I loved being able to tell He was right there with me, smiling at me and loving me.
About two weeks ago, during the sermon, my best friend had said she was leaving church, mmy brother was calling me a moron, I was being ignored by my friends on Gaia, my other church friends made fun of me and said I wasn't their friend as a 'joke' and I was all alone in the sermon. No friends to sit by, no one to help me feel loved, I wanted to cry. I knew I was living a lie for so much of my life... too long without knowing it. I listened to the sermon, took two pagges of notes and sung the songs. I almost cried during the last song. The song that completely changed my life. In Christ Alone. That's my favorite hymn.
I was pretty grumpy in the car on the way home because I was trying to hide my guilt and depression. My brother's friend was annoying me, too.
When we got home I grabbed my Bible and Devotional (More E-mail from God) and read about 10 pages. I cried so much because I had been hearing nothing but negative things until the sermon. And then it was all positive. It was as if God was speaking right to me. I can hear His voice even now, telling me that He loves me.
I recommited my life that night and now I'm a new Christian again, but with a lot of knowledge of my religion.
Here's something helpful that really helped bring me back to the light: Your boyfriend/girlfriend may leave you, your friends may reject you, your internet may be taken away, you may be fired, your spouse may divorce you, anything on earth can and will leave you some point in your life. But God never will leave you. He will always love you and be there for you. All He asks for in return is that you love and honor and worship Him.