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 Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 10:16 pm
There is a small story behind this poem that i will post under so it doesn't bore you and make you wonder off. Here it is =)
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She carried many hopes and many smiles
Many dreams and many promises
Pure of mind and kind of heart
Her achievements known to the world
But how long can such purity last?
For fate is fickle, mischievous
It twists and turns
Our minds, our lives
In the life of a girl so pure
Entered a cloud of malice and chaos
So violent inward and out
Seeking power, self-worth
By destroying others
She changed under the pressure
Slowly, painfully, but not entirely
True personalities inverting
Her world had turned
Dreams dashed and promises broken
Hopes vanquished and smiles contorted
Her pure soul tainted and physique left to whither
She was now a different person
How easily purity may be stained
How easily darkness may cling
To souls and minds once insulated by the world
What is to come of this one?
Who once held so much, that now holds so little
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The story: originally it was a story. The beggining and end paragraphs were made in a story like format. Then i sent it to my friend who told me to put it into a poem format, which she did for me and in doing so became my editor. The middle was added later when i lost my good writing mood (which is very hard to get to but usually worth it) and she had a tough time making it sound like it was, somewhat, part of the overal poem style. It is for an anti-violence contest and is not entirely complete (more editing required) and at the end of the contest sheet i'll put some more detailed things about violence and my opinions. Tell me what you think of it and anything i should add, subtract, or alter. Thank you. (sorry for the longness of my supposedly "small" story)
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 5:59 am
I'm really not seeing anything violence related in the poem. If it's a theme, you might want to work that into the poem some how. It alludes, in a way, that perhaps something violent has happened, but to me it sounds very much like a girl going through a massive teen anghst phase... redface
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:03 pm
The words were good, but the change in the rhythm through-out the poem made it less interesting. I can see how violence plays a part, but it could be stronger. Still, I liked it, and it provided an interesting, thought-provoking read.
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Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:10 pm
thank you for all of your opinions 3nodding i'm gonna send it in to the contest tommorow.
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