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Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 7:50 am
Mistake:
who do you think you're fooling? as u stand there on the track who do you think you're fooling? as you stab me in the back who do u think you're fooling? when i stare you in the eye who do you think you're fooling? i know you want to cry who do u think you're fooling? hiding your tear stained face who do you think you're fooling? as you leave without a trace who do you think you're fooling? with you painful heartache but who am i really fooling? hurting you was my mistake
New Prayer:
The devil loved me this i know because last night he told me so he took my soul and ate my heart he ripped my belief in god apart i will worship him until my death hoping he will welcome me with his fiery breath i need no savior, no salvation no time to waste with contemplation as i walk cautiously into his palace the walls are covered in destruction and malice and in his chambers i find out that heaven and hell are the same thing each in its own perspective to some pain is pleasure and some pleasure is pain to some paradise is torture and some torture is paradise
Skeleton:
i cannot sleep i cannot dream my eyes wide open as i scream my heart has stopped and my skin is cold my mind is empty and full of mold and as I sit full of sorrow my bones are empty and have no marrow my pupils blank as stare straight into the monsters glare my soul is lost and can not be found due to the creature upon the ground and from the sky I hear a call as clear as if it came from the hall I slowly stand up off the ground but then I hear a snapping sound and in my mind I realize my bones bones are made up of all my lies so i'm actually glad that im here and happy that I stare... straight into the monsters glare
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Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 8:38 am
Your poems are very good,just that I can't really tell if the first poem is an elegy or an epic.... However,you made a few spelling errors: In Control,you spelled "essance',the correct spelling is "essence". In Mistake,it's not "your",it's "you're". And in New Prayer,you made a small typo,you added 2 l's to "until". Hope you keep up the good work!
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