I was going to try and excerpt this, but I'll just copy it here in its entirety...I don't feel like rewriting everything.
shatterspect
I have issues with schizoaffective disorder, and I think it's acting up right now. The schizophrenia part of that (szaffective is a mixture of depression and schizophrenia) I think is causing me to lose interest in things that I should be doing. I'm also somewhat depressed. Like I woke up to eat lunch today because my parents made me get up, then I went back to sleep at about 2:30 because I felt like I didn't want to stay awake. I stayed in bed having weird dreams until about 6 PM, or after the sun went down.
Yeah, I'm kind of depressed. I haven't cleaned my room in a while, vacuumed, changed the sheets, cleaned my desk (I still have a book up here from last semester). I know that at certain times in my past I've been at risk for suicide and so I'm trying to guard against that. My girlfriend encourages me to do my studies, though...it doesn't really help. I just feel like I'm letting her down in addition to myself. And maybe my family.
Maybe if I get this out it'll be easier for me to write...I also have a 10-page research paper due in about two weeks, I think. Maybe I can get an extension--that teacher knows that I have mental troubles...but yeah, then I have a test in that same class that I haven't read for.
Basically my life is really disorganized right now and I have a lot of things to do and a lot of pressures and often I'd rather stay in bed and escape from all of it rather than get up and actually do it. Which, of course, just makes the work pile up, which makes me want to stay asleep more.
This is hopefully my final semester in college (I'm 23, so I've been in the system for 5 years). I wanted to get out last semester, but had to drop a required class because it was too stressful for me. I even chose my major because it seemed like it was something I could remain being motivated to do even though I had all the mental troubles going on...I'm a Creative Writing major. But it's still work. I don't know, when I remember the pleasure that writing used to give me and sometimes still does, ...it's easier to think of going and writing something. I already know what I want to write...maybe I can entertain myself while I'm doing it, if I can disconnect it from being something that has to be accurate to "reality". That is, I don't have to make the characters conform to the characters I've already got in my mind, they can be different entities...
It seems like a lot of people are having trouble with this. I'm writing this for a class called "Uses of Personal Experience" in which we're supposed to convert a memoir into a fictional piece. I'm going the way that I need to go in order to be able to do this--which is to take the ideas from the personal pieces and rewrite them totally, without sticking too closely to what I had written before. I've done enough rewrites to know that I can do this and it's valid--and it may be the only way I'm able to move forward--so if I can do it, I should do it.
I wonder if I'm going to be up until 3:30 AM again tonight...
Yeah, I'm kind of depressed. I haven't cleaned my room in a while, vacuumed, changed the sheets, cleaned my desk (I still have a book up here from last semester). I know that at certain times in my past I've been at risk for suicide and so I'm trying to guard against that. My girlfriend encourages me to do my studies, though...it doesn't really help. I just feel like I'm letting her down in addition to myself. And maybe my family.
Maybe if I get this out it'll be easier for me to write...I also have a 10-page research paper due in about two weeks, I think. Maybe I can get an extension--that teacher knows that I have mental troubles...but yeah, then I have a test in that same class that I haven't read for.
Basically my life is really disorganized right now and I have a lot of things to do and a lot of pressures and often I'd rather stay in bed and escape from all of it rather than get up and actually do it. Which, of course, just makes the work pile up, which makes me want to stay asleep more.
This is hopefully my final semester in college (I'm 23, so I've been in the system for 5 years). I wanted to get out last semester, but had to drop a required class because it was too stressful for me. I even chose my major because it seemed like it was something I could remain being motivated to do even though I had all the mental troubles going on...I'm a Creative Writing major. But it's still work. I don't know, when I remember the pleasure that writing used to give me and sometimes still does, ...it's easier to think of going and writing something. I already know what I want to write...maybe I can entertain myself while I'm doing it, if I can disconnect it from being something that has to be accurate to "reality". That is, I don't have to make the characters conform to the characters I've already got in my mind, they can be different entities...
It seems like a lot of people are having trouble with this. I'm writing this for a class called "Uses of Personal Experience" in which we're supposed to convert a memoir into a fictional piece. I'm going the way that I need to go in order to be able to do this--which is to take the ideas from the personal pieces and rewrite them totally, without sticking too closely to what I had written before. I've done enough rewrites to know that I can do this and it's valid--and it may be the only way I'm able to move forward--so if I can do it, I should do it.
I wonder if I'm going to be up until 3:30 AM again tonight...
EDIT: original post = http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=11123650
