Well its been a while, perhaps 3 years? I don't remember. Either way Its good to be back in one of the places I fine I can be free to talk about. I never been one to blurt things out, or asked for a shoulder to cry on, that's why i love this place, I can do what I need to, want to do. But enough about that.

I don't remember when was the last time I talked on here, but Im sure it was before I went to Hawaii (which was good). Before Hawaii I got a job at this pizza place, and in the meantime I decide that it be fine. You know wait to transition and such. Well if people remember, at some point during this time, my mom started questioning why my hair was so long, and if i wanted to be a girl. Then one night at TGIF I told her the truth, I was transgendered and everything. She didn't take it well, and after a long talk, she tip toed around the topic ever since. A couple of months later, my dad died. It was very upsetting, and although I didn't have to tell him, I was still absent one parent. After that I was able to get a job at walmart, and there I met a very beautiful girl, she was tall, and was strong personality wise, I developed a crush on her, and I was trying to move on. However, my dad's passing was and still is very hard for me to regain my footing. Unfortunately i had to go to hawaii for school.

So I went to hawaii, and there I might a lot of interesting people, but for the most part I was very lonely, I have always been kind of lonely. And with out advice from a caring father, friends out of reach, and a somewhat distant family, I was somewhat more out on my own then I would have liked. So during this time I got into a play and started to learn acting, and found out it was for me. I loved Hawaii and everyone there, I was starting to feel at home, however due to money problems, I couldn't stay. Knowing my mother wouldn't be able to do it, even with what effort she tried, it was to late. I knew I had to bring anything I could to the mainland, or it be lost. So I said good bye to my friends, and was sent back home, knowing I couldn't come back.

Coming back was fun for a while, met my friends again, and they all asked if I was going back I said I couldn't, and once again I got stuck. During this time I was in a slump. I couldn't go to school, I didn't have a job (still don't) and my friends are getting on with their lives. And what am i doing? on the internet, looking up things. I wasn't progressing. Soon enough one of my friends came back and helped me get back in gear, I started going to community college, and looked for a job. Although my efforts failed at finding a job, I was doing well in school. So I went to school for another 2 semesters, and Im currently on my 3rd right now.

Although my schooling is going better, Im still rather lost in what to do. I have only been growing out my hair as far as transitioning goes, as a reminder of what I want to be, what I feel to be, and urge to be. I still don't have a job, and my luck in relationships is still null and void. Sigh, I always look to the future for something better, I hope it comes soon. Because Im lost.