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I'm in a very sticky situation.

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend has been making advances on him for the past several months. It's been very hard dealing with all of this... especially when it feels like nobody is really on your side.

In January, she had gotten into an art school on the other side of the city and wanted to move into my boyfriend's apartment with him in the spare bedroom. At that time, we had been going out for a couple of months and were getting serious. Naturally, I had a problem with this. I was against it. For one thing, I'm over there a majority of the time anyway. It would be very awkward, especially when we wanted privacy together, which I have a strong feeling she would interfere with any chance she got. Luckily she can't move in now that he found a roommate to occupy the spare bedroom, but even so. The whole situation made me completely distrustful of her... What's worse is that my boyfriend actually asked me, as a go-between, if it was okay if she could. Even though I convinced him to see things from my perspective, it made me start to question his fidelity. It was especially hard considering a few days before all of this happen, I had lost my virginity to him...

Things got sticky after that. I was a nervous wreck all the time. Paranoid. I couldn't really trust him or his friends when they assured me that she was just an idiot and has no filter. How am I supposed to believe that? It certainly didn't seem that way, especially since she has such a grip on him that right after I rejected the idea and he negated the offer, she went out with him for the day in the city and then came back to his apartment with him that night. He said that she was just playing video games but... the fact that she was sitting on our bed doing that, the fact that he didn't tell me she'd be coming back with him. He left her at the apartment and went to my dorm room to reassure me nothing was happening, but I couldn't stop crying. I was so upset... You'd think that this would have been the point where I would have called it quits, but it wasn't. I also heard that half the time she had been bad mouthing me. You'd think that my boyfriend would have stuck up for me. He probably did, but didn't make a big deal out of it, so of course she got away with it.

I met her in person before their little "date" by the way. She was very rude to me. Not that I was too keen on meeting her anyway. He and his good friend who was also there at the time said "That's just the way she is, don't take it personally." But honestly? I can't stand to be around people I don't like. I don't have any patience for people like her. I won't waste my time being used and trampled over.

The reason why he seemingly "can't escape her" is because of his family. They're another issue. His parents, particularly. They have an iron grip on him. They are resistant to change, and naturally his mother wasn't thrilled when she learned about me. And they like the ex better. Naturally she's been around for years, coming to their house everyday because she's friends with his little sister. So me coming into the picture disrupts all of that. He has to put up with her because everybody else likes having her around. He can't tell her off because he risks their disapproval. You see, they never have his best interest at heart. If he resists, they take everything from him. They would seperate us and pull him out of college if he disagreed with some trivial matter.. He can't stand up to them, which honestly frustrates me because at times it feels like I'm dating a 14 year old boy instead of a 21 year old man.

So she's glued to him.

Oh, here's another kicker: She's a "lesbian" now. Yeah. Magically. She "likes" this girl but she's never been in a relationship with one. And she's clinging to my boyfriend. Honestly, I don't believe a word of it.

And now that fall semester has started, she wants to come over on Wednesday nights and make dinner for him. How it doesn't even cross her mind that I live there with him is what amazes me. How she conveniently doesn't even mention me even moreso. Naturally, once I heard about all of this I got the, "Oh, don't worry, she's just beng an idiot again" shpell. I can't trust that excuse.

I'm really hurt over the whole thing, it's killing me. I've suffered and ulcer and frequent stomach pains over worrying so much.

I love my boyfriend so much and I swear he doesn't seem like the type that would cheat. I'm certain that he isn't. But he's surrounded by people that constantly push him around that he can't stand on his own two feet, meaning that I am pretty much fending for myself. It hurts that I can't rely on him. I'm tired of him playing devil's advocate when I need him the most!

But I didn't come here for a "You should trust him more" speech. Honestly, I have an arsenal of instances where my trust has been shaken. I also didn't come here for the "He's a player, break up with him" because I want that to be a last resort.

I need advice. I need help. I'm fragile in my own way and in reality, when I'm faced with a situation, I stutter and have trouble getting my point across. I'm trying so hard to become stronger but I feel just as lost as I did in January.

I can't rely on the life issues for their brunt advice and trollish antics anymore, I need help. Please, help me!

Thank you very much for replying.

I know the answers to most of those questions already so there isn't really a shocker of any sort to find out.. I've already gotten past the questions I don't like too. And I found out why she doesn't like me because she wrote it down to me in a hate note once.

For one thing... she has a very eccentric and off-put personality and doesn't have many friends because she drives people away. This is not my assumption, it is fact. The reason why my boyfriend be-friended her is because she started hanging out with his little sister who he is close to and who is generally nice to everybody. I'm sure there are things that they like and dislike about each other but.. she is very dependent also, so when his little sister reached out to her, she went for it.

Apparently their relationship revolved around convenience, but my boyfriend says that he had feelings for her at the time. It was in high school. They were the same age at the time, he was awkward around other girls and they went out. How it ended was that she broke up with him because she realized she didn't love him. Now this is the part where I should breathe easy, right?

Well, true they aren't going out anymore but aside from eliminating the intimacy, things didn't really change between them. She's forceful and controlling when she doesn't get her way, and has been spreading lies to his family particularly that I'm an emotionally abusive girlfriend and that I'm "too much like other girls." She claims that she's unique and that I'm just "another normal girl." She's on some kind of high horse over the whole thing, and thinks that she's saving him by turning everybody else against me..

I haven't done anything to her though. In fact, as much as it hurts, I've been trying to see this from her perspective too.

The day that I met her she barely said two words to me, except when she was criticizing something that I said. That night she grabbed my boyfriend by the hand and said, "You can sit up front with me in the car!" And then turned to me and squeezed me into the back seat with all her stuff. The whole ride to the train station where she was letting us off she was chatting with him the whole time, and when we got out and I thanked her she snapped and said, "Whatever, just get out of my car."

This was me trying to be civil after the whole moving in fiasco. He had already turned down her offer by then, but didn't mention that I had flipped out over the whole thing.

So yes, she does want me to break up with him or else she wouldn't be spreading these rumors.. She also wants dibs on him, but doesn't seem to want a romantic relationship of any kind. From her perspective, she doesn't have anybody else. Nobody can really stand having her around while my boyfriend tends to be indifferent about things so she doesn't want to lose him.

From my boyfriend's perspective, I have no idea if this is how he truly feels or if it's because of me, but when she comes over to hang out with his little sister, he avoids her. He says he's grown tired of her because she takes advantage of his passive nature. Most of the time all she does is complain about something or other and they never really talk about anything. He says that the feelings he had for her are gone and it was just another "high school relationship."

Now she wants to come over to his apartment in the city and hang out and cook him dinner, which my boyfriend thinks is "to make amends to him." Yeah, HIM. But not to me... she's not stupid enough to assume that I wouldn't be there. I've pretty much moved in with him. And after she left me that lovely little hate letter, I know she doesn't want to resolve things any time soon. She just doesn't want to be left behind I guess.

I really didn't mind their friendship until she tried interfering. And now (although I've gotten better) it hurts too much to even think about her, let alone be around her. My ulcer... it's unbearable at times, but I usually try not to mention it even when its hurting the most. My boyfriend understands how I feel and says that he'll turn her away at the door if she stops by, regardless of whether or not I'm there. I trust him, and after talking this over with him, I don't feel like I'm forcing him to do anything he doesn't want to do. I think that he really wants to turn her away as well.

It's really his family that's the reason she hangs around. And they don't particularly like me because I'm not familiar to them. And I want to be, I want to get to know them, but she's always around and has probably brainwashed them against me by now... I don't want to confront her, I don't want to be in pain doing so, I don't want her to make me more nervous than I am, especially since his mother is not to thrilled about me. I want to show them that all her accusations are false but how can I do that when I can't be myself? And like I said, my boyfriend is so passive that... it's not like he's really there to hold my hand. I'm really fending for myself. I wish he'd man up a bit and stick up for me but it doesn't look like that'll be the case. And I don't want there to be a cat fight. I'm not opposed to making amends either but I don't think she feels the same, nor do I feel physically able enough to initiate this. And I'm a bit unforgiving myself. I don't think I'm ready to fully forgive her just yet, especially since a lot of her interference has been very recent.

Honestly, I work and go to school full time, the last thing I want to do is spend my only time off in a far away place with everyone against me writhing in pain because I can't deal with this.

So I'm at a loss. You've heard mine, my boyfriend's and her sides. I tried to be as unbiased as possible.

I also hope things get better. And a lot of this is really pouring out, since I can't talk to anybody about this. I'm sure it would be a lot easier if I did. If I had an ally aside from my boyfriend... I'm sure I wouldn't be such a weakling.