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Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 9:02 pm
The Long Road Home (Chapter One)
I just stood there; five dead bodies lay before me. My trigger finger ached, my knife stained red, still dripping with blood of the lead guard. My red bandana was soaked in the cold sweat that poured off my head. The floor was splattered with red. Then from the intercom came a noise. “I give up, this war is over. But, solider of the Megrel army, I place a curse on you. Hence forth the one’s you hold dear to you shall leave you and soon despise you to the very soul just as I. And so with my last breathe place this curse upon your life!” And then the sound of a gunshot was heard. The leader of the Legreer nation had taken his own life.
My receiver was ringing. “Nero, it’s over, time to come home.” I left the palace behind me and headed for the camp site posted just a few miles away. While I was walking back to base, when I came across a small cavern I decided to rest there for a while. Inside the cavern was statue of a giant face in the wall. I walked up to it and said out loud “Whoever put this here has one heck of an imagination.” Then out of nowhere the face’s eyes opened. I was startled by the next thing it had done, IT SPOKE!
“Evil has cursed you with the pain of loneliness, solider of another land. This curse will be a burden that not even you will be able bear. I offer you in exchange for blood, a way to lighten the load and loosen the curse’s hold on your soul.” The whole story sounded unreal. I didn’t believe in such horrific fairy tales such as curses, but then again I don’t like taking chances with stone heads that can talk either! But how was I supposed to sacrifice blood when my knife was stained with dried blood, plus I didn’t want to get a disease. I looked over to the corner of the cave, there was skeleton of a solider still clothed in battle fatigues with a small stiletto in its hand. The blade looked clean enough; I was surprise to see no rust was on it, a bit of a small miracle I guess.
I took the stiletto and cut my hand, a small wince of pain came over me but nothing I couldn’t handle. The stone face then again awoke and said “very well, the price has been met; I shall show you your freedom.” The face then sank away into the stone wall and then opened. Beyond the opening was a small platform with a large brown oak chest in the middle. I walked over to the chest. Upon opening the chest I saw I sword inside. The sheath of the sword was cover in a strange and almost holy design. The covering on the sheath was a golden orange, guarded by intriguing display of steel casing. “So this is it? My freedom lies within a simple broadsword?” Upon further examination of the blade’s hilt I discovered that on the back of it was sort of relief carving of the stone face from before. “What are you, some kind of agent of mercy?” I left the cave when my receiver buzzed. “Nero,” said the voice “what is your location?” “I’m about half an hour away from the base.” I replied. “Stay there, we’re sending someone out to get you.” In matter of minutes someone from HQ was here and I was back at camp. On the way back to HQ, I was asked where I had found that sword. I told them they would believe me. But I told them anyway. I said that I took a breather in a nearby cave, and saw a stone statue head. To my amazement, they believed me. They said it was called a “Guardian Head”. I had never heard of such a thing, and my father studied everything from monsters of the unknown to legends of yore.
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Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 9:21 pm
Eh, I don't think it's... Particularily great. You kinda get some skippy sentences. Mostly at the beginning. You kind of just list a lot of descriptions of the situation. And within 4 Paragraphs quite a lot happened. You might be rushing just a tad.
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