|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:22 pm
October 14, 2009
Beginning the Journal I've decided that I shall write a Journal. Nothing in Particular, just something to do to keep me on track with God. This way I feel responsible for doing something! I have an issue, a bad one, where I just get side tracked, and I need something to keep me going on track. So I am asking God to help me, and people can be like: PARA GET ON TRACK. So here is a few things I want to do to devote myself to God: Not cutting my hair, I know this one is weird, but when I get bored I will cut my hair. Eating healthy foods. Our body is our temple, and if Jesus is in our hearts, then our body should be clean. I weight 250LBS and eat unhealthy. No more Soda, I am giving up Soda and drinking tea's, water, and other healthy things. Posting here every day! Trying to better myself. Reading my bible, one or more chapters per day! Listening to only christian Music. Even if we don't know it, music effects us a lot. No more fast food. One home cooked meal a day, not something from a box. That is a lot. Not all of it will be happening soon though, I need to get more money to buy healthy foods! The soda one will be hard. So what honestly side tracked me was a game called Second Life. Lots of Sexual things happen on there, and I got caught up into it. Thinking about it makes me feel unpure, I did things I would normally never do. I feel good letting it out though, and I am going to stop now, I shall not do that any more! So after all these promises, I was on the bus from the college on the way home, and I saw a rainbow! Which reminded me that the Rainbow was God's promise never to flood us. And that got me thinking. I made all these Promises, so I think that Rainbow was God's promise to be there with me! It was awesome! Hehe. So for my homemade meal, I made mashed potatoes with butter, milk, ranch, some parsley and some marojam. smile It was good. So those are my thoughts. If you want to comment me, please send me a message via PM. smile
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 10:46 am
October 16, 2009 I completely missed a day in my journal. So I haven't read my bible since I said I would read it daily, bad Para. I am going to go home and read it, well try. It's hard to get me to do things like that. In fact, I completely forgot to turn in an assignment yesterday! So I had to turn it in this morning, and I lied so I wouldn't get in trouble! I feel bad. It feels better to be talking about it though. So anyways, I am still playing that game, but I found nice christian places to go in the game, but thats the reason I forgot the assignment, I was playing that game all day yesterday! I didnt even do some chores, thats how bad it is. There's a guy in that game though... But anyways I decided I wasnt going to be friends with him because he's a bad influence on me, but he talked me into being friends again, now I am all worried about it too. Like what if I made the worst mistake of becoming friends with him again? He's going through a tough time right now though, he needs a friend, and I am a good friend to him because I listen to him, and tell him to talk to me and stuff. Like, I am the person he can tell everything too. But I am still worried, if we become friends again what happens? I think God scares me too. He's trying to get me out of my comfort zone but I am honestly to scared to leave it. I like where things are, even though I have my ups a downs, Of course I can't stay here, and I know that. It's very confusing. Life is confusing actually, well life like this. I bet it would all be less confusing if I just gave everything to Jesus and stopped worrying so much. Wow I am writing like a book here. x_x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 11:35 pm
October 18, 200 Halloween is just around the corner! Wow, I cannot believe that! I may not make posts on the weekends, at least not friday nights to sunday mornings. I am not really sure. Actually the only reason I am up is because I couldnt got sleep. I did my history homework, played my game, forgot to post, then as I was laying down I remembered that I needed to post. So this has been a weird weekend. Although today was amazing. I went to a new church that I really liked, it was amazing! They were all about the spiritual things! And the supernatual, like speaking in tongues and healing. AND there where more people my age there! It was amazing. It's totally in the bible and stuff, and we dont do that anymore! Anyways, I should be going to bed!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:08 pm
October 20, 2009 So I think I officially have an addiction to the internet. Like I feel depressed when I can't get on, and I wish I am on while I am away. Do they have internet annonymous meetings? That would be amazing. I don't think many people see it as a bad issue, but in honesty it is a bad issue. I can't always be there to get on the internet. I mean its bad when you forget to do things or don't do things to get on the internet. I should really do something about that. Also, I wrote October 18, 200 in my last journal entry. How interesting, I don't think they had internet back then. Anyways I should curb this addiction before it ruins my whole life. I haven't been doing so well on the things I said I would be doing, but when I went home yesterday I cooked a home cooked meal, which is good! I feel a little better now that I am on the computer, I really should do something about that addiction. Prayer for the Day: Heavenly Father: We all have addictions here, maybe small ones, maybe big ones. We all have something we don't want to give up for you Lord. I pray that today you can help us curb these addictions and things. So that we may learn to replace them with you, instead of replacing you with them. Lord, there are so many reasons why I should stop. I pray that you give me the courage to stop with this addiction. The faith to stand strong. And the peace to fill the void in my life. In Jesus Christ's name, Amen.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:18 pm
Para's myspace Journal. October 23, 2009 - Friday Realizations So two posts in one day, I know thats a lot. Honestly I have had some realizations. First of all I am afraid. Not only of giving up my sins, but of everything. I am afraid of how others might think about this, and about me? Will they start to call me weird if I start focusing on God again? What about those friends that don't apriciate my feelings for God? What will happen to my life when I give up these sins? When I start following God? Why am I so scared? I've always been considered a shy girl because I am so afraid to speak out. To speak up and tell people my thoughts? Is there a real Para hidden amongst this fear or is my whole like just one big fear? God totally tells me not to be so afraid, yet I am! I cried so much to God just last night about these fears, and as I write this I start to cry yet again. God is giving me the peace though to get through these times. So here are a few verses that will help me. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1 The LORD is for me; I will not fear; What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. Psalm 27:3 Second Timothy speaks to me the most there. Because right now I am fearful and Timid.So for some time now, I will be spending time over coming these fears, and to learn to be exactly the person God wants me to be. Secondly, I realized how much I hope for a Prince Charming. I realized I was hoping for some one to come take these fears away from me so I wouldn't have to. I was waiting for some one to make things better, I was waiting for God. Of course in reality God was waiting for me to stop looking elsewhere and to finally look at him. During all this I realized, I was hurting myself. Letting myself be run by crushes, and dating. I was slowly taking away the things that made me and giving them to others. How many heartbreaks have I been through? Tears? Late nights? Binge Foods? Enough to make a girl think that she is going to be an 80 year old virgin. I've realized that if I keep looking for a future husband, that I will end up hurting myself the most in the long run? Why not let the God of all creation, the one who knows me better then I do, bring me to someone? Thirdly, I am becoming the person I promised myself I would never be. I don't want to turn into my mother, as much as I love her that is not me. I shut myself inside, and tell everyone that I don't need them. I spend to much time on the internet. I don't do the things I need to, and I just let myself go. I don't know how I could do this to myself. I don't have a life, most of the days I go to school, go home, jump on the computer, then go to bed. How is that living? I don't know what to do with this "spare time". I lost all my closest friends due to stupid addictions, and lost the pieces of me that I loved so much. That's to much thinking for me right now. I'm just glad we have a God that loves us no matter how big a hole we dig for ourselves. Also, a God that is willing to bring us out of that hole.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:19 pm
From Para's Myspace, Again. October 24, 2009 - Saturday Hardships - Some things I wish I could tell my mother. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. - James 1:2-3 For those of you who do not know, my mother is a tiny... okay, majorly insane. She does things, and says things a normal mother would never do. She's gone through so many trials in her life, yet she does so without Jesus. One of my biggest fears is my mother dieing before she knows God and Jesus. There are so many times where I try to tell her that God loves her, and she brushes it off, or makes some kind of comment that I don't have a reply to at that moment. Today was one of those days. My mother recently lost her online friends, and is really upset, so I spent some time "with her." Anyways, she reached over and grabbed my hand and told me she loved me, and I told her I loved her. We've never had a strong relationship, so we don't talk. Unless we start yelling. Anyways I felt this strong urge from God to tell her God loves her. So I tell her. She comes back with a comment much like: "God doesn't love me." So I tell her yes he does, and she going on about how God just tries to ruin her life. So I tried explaining that it was God that did that, it was Satan. Well she just brushed me off then. There are so many things I wish I could tell my mother. That God loves her, That Jesus died for her, that I want her and my father to go to heaven. She just won't open her ears to me though. I told her about the bible verse, that we fave trials and hardships in our life ( I cannot quote the verse from memory so I told her that I know a verse that says this. ). I just don't know what to say to my mother. I just want to go hug her and start to cry and tell her how afraid I am that she will not make it to heaven. To tell her that God loves her so much he is crying over her in heaven. That when Jesus was on the cross he was thinking about her. To tell her that God did not do this to her, that Satan did and she just let Satan pull her down. That if she would just ask God for help, he would help her. It may not be the help she wants, and it may hurt at first, but it is better in the long run. God lets these Trials and Harships happen to us so that he can prosper in our time of need. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9 God is so much stronger when we need him. That is when we truly see him, and truly call out to him. I think that is where most people become lost again. They think the moment they become Christians, everything will be better. Yes it will be better, but we will still suffer, and still face trials, but the most amazing thing ever is that we call out to God, and he will be strong and carry us through! "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Luke 11:9-10
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:20 pm
Myspace again, hehe October 25, 2009 - Sunday Conforming to the world. Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:1-2 ""I am ashamed to tell the teacher, or our neighbors," he told me. "Only God, our Children, my Wife and I know the real story. We have no complaints or even unhappiness. We're joyfully and fully content in our service of the Lord. It is a privilege to be counted worthy to suffer for his sake..."" - Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan The verse up top is something we talked about at Valley Christian Center today. I love this verse, both of them actually. They have a great weight, and meaning to me. Firstly, God chose not to live in a temple, or a home. A building on a house, he chose to live in out bodies. If we sacrifice our bodies, and our lives to God, what can we NOT do? If we let God in, we can be transformed, and Renewed! All we have to do is not conform to the world. Easy Right? WRONG. How many of us drive when we can walk? How many of us own more then one tv? How many of us eat more food then we need? How about drinking soda? Or coffee? What about our "collections"? How many of us use hairspray and makeup? How many of us think we need new, better things? How many of us hate to drink water? Oh I know I do most of those. I ask for rides when it's only a 10 block walk. I have my own tv, oh and I have two computers in my room! I have a Camera I never use, two CD players I do not use, I have books I don't read, and clothes I refuse to wear. I eat to much food, and drink to much soda. I leave my lights on, I collect stuffed animal penguins. I use hairspray, and makeup. I always feel like I need new and better things, and I hate to drink water? Yet there are those out there who do not get WATER. Who do not have a home! Who do not sleep in warm blankets on a nice mattress. Those who don't have a TV, or a computer. There are those that have to walk miles a day, and those who don't know what electricity is! How many things do we take for granted? The Lord has put a special spot in my heart for these people. I feel the urge to pray for them, and pray that they get the help the so desperately need. The Lord has shown me that I lead a life where I do not suffer to help others. A life where I am all about me. I'm greedy. I don't know what it truly means to suffer, to go hungry, to not have a home. I don't know what it is like to fall asleep in the cold, shivering. I do know there is something I can do for those others. I can stop being greedy, and start being giving. I can start caring for others, and learning to love others. I can stop over eating, eating out, drinking soda and wasting water. God's shown me how much money can be wasted because I don't feel like cooking. Or because I don't want to drink the water that is so necessary for my existence. I can stop buying things because I feel like I need new and better things. I can stop driving when I can walk. And I can give that extra to those who need it, instead of feeling like I need it. I'm tired of conforming to the world. To think that I need that soda, or I need the Big Mac. I'm tired of wasting this money on things I don't need when there are those out there who have more of a need that I do. I'm tired of being materialistic. I'm not here to convict others. To say that others should do the same. No. I am here to declare to the world that I will not conform to it's "norms." If others feel to do the same, then so be it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:22 pm
October 27, 2009
Bible Study.
"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth" (Deuteronomy 11:18-21). Thank you to those who read my blogs, I hope no one gets annoyed, but a lot has been placed on my heart in the past two weeks. I think God is calling me to take a more leadership role for the moment. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a leader. I am a follower, and a darn good one! Anyways, I've been doing a lot of arguing with myself, and with God, as we all tend to do that a few times. God however thinks I am ready for this responsibility. Who am I to question him? So the shy and timid Kandice will try leading a bible study that so far consists of 3 to 5 people, we are not so sure on the numbers. How ever..... The meeting place is in a public place, the college, where others can hear us. This deals with another issue I have had - Others thoughts. I carry my bible around and stuff, but I never really read it in public. Let alone do I really talk to others. God's killing two birds with one stone in all reality. He wants me to stop being so Shy, and he wants me to stop caring so much about what the World thinks of me. These two things have ran my life for the past 19, almost 20, years. I've always cared about how others perceived me, and I have always been so shy. Thankfully God put people in my life that are willing to help me, and edge me on. He's brought me friends that are willing to deal with what God is trying to shape me into, and friends that can totally help. I think that has really helped in this Bible study. God has helped a lot more then anyone though. To show me that outcome of this bible study God gave me an image. It may not come true, but it may. I had an image of how helpful this study can be to everyone. He helped me realize it's not just about me, anyone who joins in God has put there for a reason. We can all help each other in a way. This has also helped me shape an image of the future husband God is going to send to me. It's weird to explain how it has, it's just shown me that some things I where looking for were not correct, and that I was missing the important things. I realized I want a man who puts God first. Someone who can be just as stubborn as me sometimes, because I need someone who is willing to fight for a relationship. I need someone who won't give up so easily, and who can talk things out. I also need someone with my values. Of course, God and I both know that now is not the time for me to be worrying about my future husband. I still have things I need to change myself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 8:02 am
November 2, 2009 It's amazingly hard to try to stay single is a society like today's. Not only that but having friends tell you that you really should date, and try hooking your up with people. I've come around to telling people I am Asexual to get them off my back about dating. (In a way I kind of am Asexual.) Anyways God and I decided recently, after many bad dates, many nights crying, and to many guys being jerks, that I shall wait for the guy God will bring to me, or me to him, either or. I decided this a while ago in fact, but God and I drifted apart and I got into a few bad relationships. I'm glad myself that I am waiting for God, honestly. I have a few moral values that I just hold high, mostly for myself. Not only that but I am looking for a guy who puts God first in his life, so why not wait for God to bring the right one. However, I seem to be the only person I know waiting for God to bring my future husband around. Anyone who knows me, knows I went cosmic bowling with the Friday Alternative group, from Valley Christian Center. Well the group was huge! I had fun most of the night, but for those who know me and big groups, I eventually had to run and hide for a moment. When I am placed in a huge group, I can get really depressed or extremely lonely. Something I gathered from my mother that I wish I didn't. I have this ability to think that everyone hates me, or no one likes me. Another thing I gathered from my mother. I was proud of myself, and really glad God was there with me. I only needed a few moments away before I stopped feeling Lonely.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
