Knight in Shining Armor | Page 1 | Writing: Poetry | Guild Forums

Silaina Fae

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Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 7:54 pm

He's not my knight in shining armor anymore
His armor has dulled
His helmet has fallen,
His sword has been broken
His shield has been dented
He is no longer worthy to be a knight
His armor may has dulled
His helmet may have fallen,
His sword may be broken
His shield may be dented
He may not be a knight now
His armor can be polished
His helmet can be replaced,
His sword can be fixed
His shield can be mended
He is still my knight whether his armor shines or not

Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:10 am

I would split up your poem into stanzas to show different ideas.

And I can kind of see that the poem should "loop" (could be read over and over again without a beginning or end), but it is a little confusing in my opinion. This may ruin the flow of your poem, but I would change the ending half to start with but's and and's so that you're kind of building intrigue before the end when you say "He is stil my knight . . ."

Kasi Karra
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Rosey_Champagne

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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 3:38 pm

ElvenKittyFoxEmirii

He's not my knight in shining armor anymore
His armor has dulled
His helmet has fallen,
His sword has been broken
His shield has been dented
He is no longer worthy to be a knight
His armor may has dulled
His helmet may have fallen,
His sword may be broken
His shield may be dented
He may not be a knight now
His armor can be polished
His helmet can be replaced,
His sword can be fixed
His shield can be mended
He is still my knight whether his armor shines or not

If I wrote that poem I would have done it like this:

He's not my knight in shining armor anymore
His armor has dulled
His helmet has fallen,
His sword has been broken
His shield has been dented
He is no longer worthy to be a knight

His armor may has dulled
His helmet may have fallen,
His sword may be broken
His shield may be dented
He may not be a knight now

His armor can be polished
His helmet can be replaced,
His sword can be fixed
His shield can be mended
He is still my knight..........

Just a suggestion. Otherwise a great poem.

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