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 Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:16 am
Introduction:
Hi there, if you were a part of SuWriMos then you should be pretty familiar with me and my novel. As a disclaimer, I will be starting this thread off with chapter 8 and will provide a link to my SuWriMos thread so that you, as the reader, can be updated on all of the plots and such. Sadly, I am one of those people that have absolutely no time for anything. I work full time, go to college, volunteer at church, and I am the graphic artists for many clubs that I am in not to mention the editor for my school's literary magazine. But I will schedule time to write. I must, this story needs to finish soon! This November I will be meeting publishers and editors in Chicago and I would like to give them promise of its completion. So anyways, I will not be starting a new story but rather continuing one. I hope to here constructive feedback and I hope you enjoy the story.
Contents:
Introduction
Characters
Map
Summary of Previous Chapters
Synopsis
Soundtrack
Graphics
Critiquing Info
Rating
Chapters 8-???
Blog (post13)
Progress: 
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:17 am
Characters:
The Henner Family:
Erid Henner (deceased)- Father, was abusive to some of the children, though had favorites. His children have mixed feelings about him.
Leial Henner-Grail- (deceased)- Daughter of one of the most famed houses in all of the nobility, Leial married down from her station and was stripped of her noble title. She died giving birth to her twelfth child.
Rose Henner/Nyson- She is the first born and one of her father's favorites. She is the village, Etny, beauty with blond hair and doe brown eyes. She is 22 when the story begins and his a mother-figure to her siblings.
Kelen Nyson- He is Rose's husband that lives with her family to help out raising and taking care of the others. He is 23
Braeg Henner- The second eldest of the Henners. He was beaten the most from Erid and puts his family's care above his own. He is 21 years old.
Maelyn Henner - She is Braeg's wife and helps Rose with motherly duties. Often she is calm and has an optimistic perspective. She too is 21.
Robin Henner - is the cousin to the Henners. Erid was his uncle and therefore, unlike the others, is not half noble. He joined his cousins seven years ago when his parents died of fevers. He is 21 as well.
Terron Henner - The third eldest Henner and the most misunderstood. Though he comes off as pig headed and uncaring, he is tortured inside. More than anything he had wished to be a favorite of his father's but only saw the backside of his hand. He is 19.
Jasmine Henner - is the fourth born. Like Rose, she is considered a village beauty but with darker looks. Jasmine is often self centered, and wants the life of a noblewoman. She is 18.
Anar and Jacsen Henner - Are the fifth and sixth born. They are the first set of twins. Both were born sick and the physicians said that they would not live past thirty. Jacsen tries to deny his sickness, while Anar takes advantage of it. Anar was the only son Erid favored. Both are 17.
Lillie and Iris Henner- Are the 7th and 8th born and the second set of twins. Unlike Jacsen and Anar, Lillie and Iris are identical save for the color of their eyes. Iris with blue and Lillie with green. Lillie is more reserved and timid, while Iris is outspoken and get into a lot of trouble. Iris was a favorite of her father's. Iris is the Main Character and the story is told in her pov. She disguises herself as a male and a noble to become a knight.
Camilla Henner - the 9th born. Unlike her sisters, Camilla is considered to be plain. Like Lillie she is shy, but unlike her sisters she is clumsy and awkward. She is 15.
Wryn Henner - The 10th born. Like his brother Jacsen, Wryn is a recluse that rarely like to be a apart of the family fun. Though kinder than Jacsen, Wryn reminds Iris of their father. He is 13.
Ixia Henner - the 11th born. She looks more like Leial than any member of her family with long red hair and blue eyes. She also has her mother's personality, driven, and longing to be educated. She starts out as 8 years old.
Marc Henner- the 12th born. He never knew his parents for they died before he could talk. He considers his elder sibling to be his parents and, like Iris, has a knack for trouble. He is 5.
Other Characters:
Princess Lyress - befriends Iris and encourages her to peruse knighthood in order to save Iris' sick brothers Anar and Jacsen. She is 18 years old.
Lairoe - A beautiful maid to Lyress' friend Lady Fara. Orphaned, she came into her lady's service at a young age. She is 14 years old.
Lady Fara of the house of Valea- Lyress' best noble friend and confidant. She is 18.
Shalice- orphaned at birth, Shalice was raised by thieves and abusers. She gets caught by the Henners when trying to steal one of Rose's dresses. Instead of turning her into the authorities, Rose has her work in the fields with the men. Jacsen and she have feelings for each other that Iris doesn't approve of. Shalice is 16.
King Lyr - King of all of Nyress. He hates his brother, the king of the neighboring country, and taxes everything to raise money for war. He likes to put people on the spot, and is not liked by Iris. He is 63.
Sir Wrider of the house of Ent - when Iris did not bow to him, Wrider, instead of throwing her into prison, puts Iris in the service of the princess. Later he becomes her knightmaster. He is 20.
Sir Kye of the house of Yavore - Best friend of Sir Wrider and Gregg's knightmaster. He is also 20.
Gregg of the house of Grail- He is the Henner's cousin, but doesn't know of Iris' real identity. He becomes her best friend. Like Iris he is 16.
Serra, Meial, and Donven of the house of Grail - are Gregg's twin sister, mother and father. Meial and Donven are cousins and married young. Meial is Leial's younger sister. Serra is considered as a spoiled socialite and isn't well liked like her brother.
Graiken of the house of Ent- Wrider's father and scholar of statistics.
Cam, Crevan, Calleb, and Cane of the house of Buelell- are the four most handsome noblemen at court. Cam is widowed with three young daughters and is a knightmaster. He is the most skilled in hand to hand combat. He is 32. Crevan is the court's ladies man and is newly knighted. He is 18. Calleb is like Crevan but wears his heart on his sleeve. He is 17. Cane is the youngest and is nothing like his brothers. He tends to like music and the arts more than knighthood. He is 16.
Lady Jess of the house of Yavore - Kye's younger and only sister. She has a bad attitude towards people, but this is because she feels she has been betrayed many times. She is 17 years old.
Lady Nina of the house of Buelell- Mother of the Buelell brothers and is very open minded. She is 48.
Lady Zoe of the house of Wynn/Buelell- Zoe is the second child of the Buelell house. She is married to Joden Wynn, a literature scholar for Nyress' school. She is kind and witty, and unlike her brothers she has a humanitarian's heart.
Joden Wynn- is a literary scholar and teaches Iris in her next semester.
Leger- considered the Master of the thieves, Leger steals the heart of Serra,though their love must be kept secret. He is 25.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:19 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:20 am
Summary of chapters 1-5
Chapter 1:
We meet Iris Henner as she is talking about how much she dislikes the village women. It is before dawn, and she is getting water from the well. Every morning she sets out to get there before the other village women do. After this whole set up, we meet her family of 15. Her brothers, sisters, cousin, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. We find out that this family has a multitude of jobs. Her brother in law Kelen works for the local smith (not as an apprentice though) while the rest of her brothers work in the fields as sharecroppers. Her family owns a chicken farm which they sell the chickens (both dead and skinned, and alive) to the market once a week. We also find out that Iris is the village sheep herdess and often uses her twin sister to cover for her when Iris is asked to buy things from the market. We also find out that Iris' brothers, Anar and Jacsen, are very sick and rely on a certain medicine to keep them from becoming in danger of dying.
When Iris comes home from buying the medicine for her brothers, she goes to the local pub and spies on her brothers' coversation. The boys are talking about setting up marriages in the family. When a woman gets married it often occures that her husband helps her family financially. Since the Henner sisters are considered the village beauties (all except Camilla) the boys figure that the sisters would marry wealthy men (noble or rich merchant) Iris is hearing all of this and is enjoying hearing "man's talk" until they start talking about her prospects of marriage. All of them start thinking grimly. Her brother Terron calls her soiled (which means that a girl isn't a virgin anymore, whether it was her choice or not) and they quickly become silent knowing that she had no hope for marriage.
Enraged, Iris reveals herself to them and runs home with bitter tears. She locks herself in her's and her sisters' room not letting anyone see her crying. She feels that by crying and feeling sorry for herself that she is somehow letting her family down. Her brother Jacsen, who is the rogue of the family, comes in to comfort while also giving her the hard truth, which is that she would never marry. Following this, he tells her that he would take care of her. The chapter ends with Iris telling how Jacsen's out-of-character comforting would eventually allow her to see her own happiness differanntly than she idealized.
Chapter 2:
Everyone treats Iris nicely since she had cried the night before. Everyone, that is, except Terron who doesn't even apologize to her. Jasmine and Maelyn ask Iris to get potatoes at the market, so once again Iris asks Lillie to take over the sheep later. Both Braeg and Kelen ask her to promise that Iris doesn't get herself in trouble, specifically because of what happened the night before. She does so and leaves for the captital of Mirasa for the market.
There we meet a very annoying, cursing parrtot that Iris hates. He's not that important to the story, but I thought a comic relief would be a nice way to distract from the set up of the knight.
After she gets the potatoes, Iris watches nobles walking by. Unlike every other commoner, she doesn't bow to the first knight. He calls her out on that, but instead of obeying she talks back to him. Her logic? None except that she felt that since she is half noble she shouldn't have to bow to this knight. She doesn't tell him that she is half noble, and it wouldn't hav mattered if she did. He takes her on his horse, and Iris knows that her fate will be prison or worse. She feels sorry that she didn't keep her promise to her eldest brothers, and feels stupid and embarressed.
Chapter 3.
The knight takes her passed the prison to the servant's workroom. Confused, Iris doesn't understand why she was spared. Later the head servant tells her that she was lucky because Sir Wrider found her pretty. In this culture, beauty is well appreciated. Knowing that princess Lyress needed a new maid, Sir Wrider suggested for Iris to work for her. When Iris meets the princess, both like each other immediatly.
When Iris gets home, very late, everyone is really upset. Rose, seemingly, more so than anyone. She lets Iris know how disappointed she is with her by bringing up the fact that last time Iris came home this late she had been raped. Feeling like a jerk, Iris tries to ease Rose's nerves. When the boys, who had all been looking for her, get home she explains her story.
Furious that she broke her promise, Kelen changes. Instead of the light hearted big kid, he is more touchy and obviously upset. Her and her family argue over the switching of jobs. Now it is Lillie who has to take over the sheep and this means less help for Rose around the house and with the chickens. However, they are glad that Iris would be making quite a bit of money.
Chapter 4:
It's the first day for Iris being a maid. But before she gets the water from the well she peeks in on Rose and Kelen making love and discussing their futures. Now Iris didn't see anything inappropriate but she did see their secretive moments. Kelen discovers her and when she gets back with the buckets they have it out. Iris pulls out her low blows and Kelen takes them to heart.
While she walks to the castle she remembers the first time she met Kelen. She tells the story of how Rose and he fell in love. Kelen had been walking in the woods (a week after Erid's (the henners's father) suicide) when he got , in so many words, gang raped. Rose was there crying in the woods because of her father's death. She sees Kelen fighting them off and skeaks up on one of them and hits him on the side of the head. The both of them beat the bad guys, but Kelen is seriously hurt. So Rose takes him in and uses her own money (that she had saved up since she was young to marry above her station) to pay for Kelen's health.
Iris takes all of this into account and feels like the biggest jerk for what she said to Kelen ealier that moring.
After this she goes to the castle and works for the princess. Iris gets the layout of her chores and has a good time being around the princess.
When she's ready to go home, it is Kelen that escourts her back home. She apologizes to him, but it is evident that he is still hurt by what she said, plus the fact that she broke his promise.
Chapter 5.
It starts off with Iris listening in on the princess' lessons. The princess takes notice of this and lets Iris study with her, finding out that she is good at reading and math, however not so hot with history. The princess even finds that Iris is helpful with her mathematics. No one knows that the princess is doing this for Iris, and wants to keep it that way.
The Great Games, which are tournaments for knights, and all the nobles camp a few miles away from the castle to witness the games. Knights all across the country compete in them. It lasts two weeks, the longest Iris has ever been from her family. While watching a joust, Iris notices Sir Wrider again. But this time she finds him attractive. She lets the princess know this, but to the princess he's average looking. After Wrider wins his joust the king puts him in an awkward position by asking him if he had a token from a lady. The king often does this, according to the princess. He tells the king that he doesn't and he makes Wrider choose a girl to ask for a token. With the princess' fan covering her face, Wrider doesn't fully see Iris' face, just her eyes. Wrider asks for Iris' token but she declines and doesn't want to show her face. Iris' notes that Wrider asked her in front of the princess, and didn't ask for the princess' token.
When she comes home she finds out that the king has raised the taxes so high that her family is unable to pay for Anar and Jacsen's medicine. The family is unable to come up with a solution and the chapter ends with Iris and Lillie in bed fearing that their brothers will die.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:25 am
Synopsis
When Iris, a young village girl from Etny, finds herself in trouble with a noble and a knight, surprisingly opportunity is opened up for her. She befriends the nation's princess who has more of an idealistic world view than Iris ever had imagined of a royal. Everything seems great for awhile, but when the king taxes his people too high for preparation for a possible war with Nyress' northern neighbor Yanslavia, Iris' family of 15 suffers. With two of her brothers chronically ill, the family must make enough money to combine special ingredients for their medicine. Without it their chances of living are slim, and since the taxes are so high it is nearly impossible for this large family to earn enough to feed and clothe the family as well as take care of the sick brothers. So with the persuasion of the princess, Iris masquerades as both a noble and a man to earn the wages of a noble boy in training to become a knight. Iris soon finds that she is way over her head, and that if caught her head could be severed from its neck! With this constantly in her mind, Iris must keep her identity a secret, no matter who she is lying to. But if all fails, and she is exposed and brought forth to the king and the world, she wonders if all of her trials and ordeals would be worth saving her brothers. If so, did her efforts cause their lives to prosper or did they cause shame on an already broken home?
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:26 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:27 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:28 am
Wish to Critique? Here are some questions to help out.
Do the characters seem believable? As in, do they seem like real people?
Are the scene set-ups well developed or lacking?
How does the dialogue flow? Well or clumsy?
Grammar and Spelling? (often looked over by me).
Word choices? Should it be more varied or are some words not needed?
What do you feel about the story? The characters? The setting?
Does the contemporary vernacular bother you, since the setting is that of a medieval society?
Do you think you can predict the outcome of this story? If so elaborate.
Lastly, are there any style tips you wish to share?
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:29 am
Rating:
This story rated PG-13 due to sexual referances, violence, dialogue, and general subject matter. Though I highly doubt I will get to all that good stuff in these following chapters, I thought I would throw it out there just in case.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:30 am
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Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:30 am
Women have their own brand...
Chapter 8 is up! See post 10! Happy NaNo!!!
...of chivalry. The Maiden Knight of Etny. NaNo 09
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:38 pm
Women have their own brand...
Yay! Chapter 9 is up on post 10!
...of chivalry. The Maiden Knight of Etny. NaNo 09
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:13 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 9:23 am
Women have their own brand...
Huzzah! Chapter 10 is up!
...of chivalry. The Maiden Knight of Etny. NaNo 09
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