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jimmylimmy

PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:34 pm


Well, I read Hirokos post, and decided, I will post my story too, to see if you guys can help me improve
PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:37 pm


A few papers danced in circles, the only colour against the blackened and charred plant less wasteland. The air was bitterly cold, and it was drizzling. Every drop was like a tear on an awful burn.
As far as the eye could see was lifeless, sadly depressing landscape. Jai stood on her porch gazing out. She'd moved there almost a week ago, and it still made her sad to think of the true story of why it was so depressing.
Almost a century ago, it had been lush green land that covered every square inch of land. There had even been a town called "Star Town", as well. It was named after a famous man.
In the town, there'd been tree's, parks and even a school. Nobody ever had to feel left out, unwanted. In fact, almost everybody in the town knew each other, and was friends.
The school was the main cause of this story. Every student was either a local, or came from afar, and stayed with a relative, then rode the train home. It happened on a bright, sunny day, the last one for people in Star Town. Students were
1
clambering onto the bus and train, shouting" byes" and "see you next year's". But no. they would never see each other again, even if one survived.
A heartless man, the train driver, lit the bus on fire while it was crossing over the tracks. The train driver, a harebrained twenty-six year old lady, saved herself and five children, one of which was her kid. According to the story, the fire spread and the land was consumed in flame.
In its wake, was bare blackened land and a forever rainy sky. The ground could never mud up, and the air became bitterly cold. It's a curse one would say, another might hiss that evil spirits or demons did this.
Jai could believe it. The land was destroyed, no good for farming, no good for anything. The plants would get over watered and die.
She had vivid green eyes, and red hair. Almost everyone at her old school called her rare, except Josephine, her friend. She and her brother, Jul, were more different than most people
Jul was an albino. Both were mocked often because their lack of slim jeans and freak clothes. Jai's complexion was pale.
Rax, Jai’s older brother had green eyes and brown hair, and was always ripping off jokes about redheads and albinos.
2
He was constantly telling people to call him Rai, because it was his middle
name. Puh!

Jai’s house had a porch that went all the way around it,and it was painted ashy grey, to match the scenery, but their were tons of windows, more than five on each floor. Jai had three windows and a dormer in her room. She didn’t like her town: so far, even though she wasn’t at school, her town bored her to death, except for the General store, Penny Go, which sold all kinds mix matched stuff.
The woman who worked there was mean, except the people who hung out there were nice. So far, she’d met some people called Jessie, Crysta, Rachel, Emily, and Jasmine. They were all very kind, except Jessie, Jess for short, was a psycho rich kid.
Crysta was a very friendly dark skinned midget who loved books, and Rachel was a tall, talkative girl with fair skin and long black hair, normally braided to a thick, shoulder length plait. Emily was tall, with pale skin and wavy blond hair . Jasmine was tall with short blond hair and vivid blue eyes. She wouldn’t talk about herself, her family, her life, or any thing else.
Then Jai noticed the menacing, dark cloud moving in from the east.
3
“Mom! De storm is coming!”
“Come in de house, den!”
Jai went into the box filled house. There was an orange couch where Rax was lazing around on.
“Close de door.” He called lazily, not looking up.
“Whatever.”She replied, moving in front of the television, where he was watching a sports channel.
“Move.”
“No.”
“Move.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“’cause why?”
“De TV is on,dats why.”
“Dats not an excuse.”
“Puh!”She moved and went into the kitchen
“Hi, mom.”
“Hello. Did you turn de TV on?”
“No. Rax is watching some pointless sports channel.”
“Puh! Dat boy!”
Her mom was baking some kind of pie. She was putting the crusty top on it.
“What’s dat?”
“Nothing.”
“Blah!”
4
She stuck it in the oven, then went and washed her hands in the large silver sink.
“C’mon. Get your shoes. I need some stuff from the grocery store.”
Jai went and got her shoes and sat in the green Saturn parked in the garage that was unattached to the house. The car was one of the little ones, with two seats in the front and three in the back.
A few minutes later, her mom appeared. She was a tall lady with red hair that couldn’t be tamed for any thing, so it stayed pretty wild. Her mom got in the car, and started the engine.
Jai yawned and asked “Where are we going, and what are we getting?”
“Grocery store, bread.”
“What is de weather normally like?”
“What do you mean?”
“Its been raining since before we got here!”
“It’s always like dis.”
“Why?”
“Have you heard the stories?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fire. Big fire, train, bus. Dead kids.”
“Good.”
They were silent, and five minutes later, they arrived at the store.

5





CHAPTER TWO:STORE


Jai wandered away to another, more interesting part of the grocery store. The store was small because Ghost Towns population was sadly, just below two hundred people, and at the rate of people moving away and vanishing and being killed, it would soon be zero. Jai found her mom in the tea section of the story.
"Oh, hi.", said her mom, not looking up.
"Would you get some ginger tea? We are almost out." Requested Jai.
"Sure. Regular or spiced?"
"They make it spiced now? That actually sounds like it could taste okay."
" I'll get both types....okay?"
"Okay........can I go to Penny Go? One of my friends might be there.."
6
"Go ahead, but don't stay outside any longer than you must, and hurry, no loitering.."
It was down pouring outside, and reddish lightning flashed in the distance, illuminating eerie, unknown shapes. Green, blue, red, and purple lights danced near where the storm was releasing its fury. Those supernatural lights sent a chill up Jai's spine. The greenish sky seemed perfectly ordinary compared to those creepy lights. Though they were not doing any harm, Jai shuddered to think of what would happen if one of those light came near.
She walked down the street as fast as she could, but she had the feeling someone was watching her. Jai entered Penny Go. Rachel and Jasmine were there, sipping hot chocolate out of mugs.
"Hi, Jai!"Called Rachel.
"Hi."She called back, going toward them. She reached their table, and sat down.
"Would you like some hot chocolate?"Asked Rachel.
"Bah, I'm good, but thanks for the offer."
"No problem.....so whats up?"
"Not much. Look, I have to go. I just came over to this store to get some cat food." Lied Jai. She was not in a very talkative mood.
7

"OK."
"By the way, is Jasmine okay? She has not said anything?"
"Bah, her minds probably a thousand miles away...with her, you never know........"
"Is Crysta here?"Asked Jai suddenly.
"No." Replied Rachel, startled."Why?"
"No reason. Just a message from someone..."Lied Jai.
"Oh...well, see ya'."
Back in the road, Jai thought she saw shapes moving in the distance. Off in the very far distance, silhouettes of mountains hardly stood out. She raced to the store. Her mom was at the paying line.
“Were any of them there?”She asked.
“No.” She lied.
“I got the ginger tea like you requested. Both types.”Said her mom.
“Thanks.”
“Okay....You take all the heavy groceries..”
“Uh...why are you buying a pie of you are making one at home?”
“The one I am making is raspberry, this ones apple and is for dessert.”
“Oh...wow!”



8

Chapter three: Jao



The next morning, the sky had gone back to its normal drizzle. Jai packed her lunch for school, and went to brush her teeth. On her way out to her bus stop, she heard a noise. There was a brick wall separating the lawn from the walkway aligning the walkway.
She stopped and listened.

jimmylimmy


jimmylimmy

PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:42 pm


The only things I know for sure are:
-no romance
-I'll probably kill Jai
-no comedy


-The rest of this story hasn't been typed YET, because, other than killing off the main character, so I don't have to write a second one, I will probably make sure that this will be an un published story.


AND IF ANYONE HAS ANY GOOD TITLES THAT RELATE TO WHAT YOU JUST READ, PLEASE POST THEM
PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:06 am


how bout cold shiver....becuz it just sent a cold shiver down my spine. ^^

kitty of the dark
Vice Captain

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Seliora
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:42 pm


hmm... for a title, i would say....

Star Town
why did this happen?
PostPosted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:05 pm


differant

The older won

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