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Alright, I'm a young military mother, and by that I mean that I am 20 years old and I am in the Navy. My husband is 9 months older than myself, and a Marine. I got pregnant and have since had a lovely baby boy who's a few days over 5 months at the moment.

Since Tyler (my son) has been born, his father has been nothing but unwilling and unhelpful and rather hurtful (emotionally, not physically). Now, the big problem within our relationship has been that he is stationed in Cali and myself out in Hawaii. Not extremely far, but far enough to make things a bit rough. I went through my pregnancy without him, his son was born without him, and for 5+ months I have been raising his son without him. He's been on leave (vacation time) 3 times since his son was born, and has only visited him for 10 days when he was just born.

Now, Tyler certainly doesn't know his father, but I have been with this man for four full years and I do know him well enough to know he HAS been a good guy. But now, he's reduced himself to handing the phone off to his friends so they can call me a b*tch, wh*re and c*nt and everything else under the sun. I'm fed up with him. He whines about having to do anything, pay anything or make any arrangements to help me out, and then proceeds NOT to bother doing them.

For example, he hasn't sent a dime to his son since he's been born. Not for formula, diapers, or anything. I was recently going to go home to NY with my son for the first time in over a year that I've been gone and I was going to stop in Cali (since the flights from HI do anyways) and let him see Tyler for a few days before making it home. Well, all I asked him to do was pick us up from the airport, drop us off there and if he could, find us a room at the hotel on base. Needless to say, he sat there and bitched for over a hour to me about what he'd have to spend. Oh my god, you have to spend a little bit of your paycheck that you only have a cell phone bill taken out of so your son and I can have a roof over our heads to visit you. Bullcrap. If I forced him to pay support, he'd be broke and at least then have SOMETHING to complain about, and even then, I doubt it.

Alright, so here's the big problem now. He's managed to get himself orders here, to hawaii in mid December. Now, we argue constantly, I mean cats and dogs these days and I'm fairly certain this will not change when he walks off the plane. All the same, he's got this notion in his head that he'll walk off the plane and get to see his son and ta-da, instant-dad. I doubt this so much, that I'd honestly prefer he does not live with us. I don't want him living in the same house as us, and sleeping in my bedroom with me until (major if on this) he manages to be a husband and father that he should be. He used to be great, and then we had Tyler and now it went to hell.

What's the chances that given a few months to straighten up and fly right, he might adjust to the responsibilities that he hasn't had to deal with and be what he was. Is he just nervous about being a father and has no idea how to handle himself and is lashing out? Or is this how he'll really stay?

For a mini background: His parents are still married, he has a older sister (who is a total b*tch - wished me to DIE along with my unborn child because I was pregnant,etc.) and just the less than average "normal" family. Same with my folks, while my father is not my biological father, I've known and lived with him since I was four and I have a younger brother as well. I mean, we have some bad parts of life but honestly we definitely weren't bad off.