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 Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 3:35 pm
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
And as in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Tim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Tim died today'.
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:09 pm
I think it's supossed to be "a year was gone"
"I hadn't" or "I had not" instead of never.
friend's has an apostrophe
comma after but
I personally would change the third to last line to "And distances between us grow and grow" because it just feels like it's missing something.
There needs to be at least a little transition into the last line, it's a little abrupt.
I like this poem, it has a good storyline that's easy to follow and small enough blanks that we can fill them in ourselves. blaugh
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:39 pm
oohh that's sad. But I like it! Nice!
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