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 Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:04 pm
This feeling so rare
So hard to explain
Seeing you smile
Is like seeing hope
When our skin touches
My body is aflame
When our lips touch
I have no need to explain
How can this be?
Not long ago i cut out my heart
Swearing that love cannot
Touch me cannot be with me
I swore that night that i was to never love
That i myself was tainted
That i myself could not love
That love despised and mocked me
But your arms around me
Our hearts beating different beats
Our eyes staring deep into the others
There is a feeling surging throughout me..
Could it be? I thought that i cut it out
My heart? It is crying out
for the first time i feel it
love pulsing throughout my body.
How could you have done this to me?
I hid it deep inside so I could no longer be betrayed
But you found it
So now it is yours
For
Forever
And
Ever
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:57 pm
Good imagery and good flow
a few mistakes
other's has an apostrophe - 5th stanza
Personally I would add a little punctuation because there isn't a pattern to the ideas. Some of the lines are one idea and other ideas are more then one line and it varies in a way that isn't pattern like (did that make any sense? )
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 9:18 pm
it doesn't matter about puncuation, it's just true poetry! i would give that 5/5 great job!
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