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 Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:36 pm
Okay, my psychologist and I are basically at a stand-still right now. We have worked out that I am definetly psychotic, i fit all of this criteria:
from wikipedia.org:
Psychosis is a generic psychiatric term for mental states in which the components of rational thought and perception are severely impaired. Persons experiencing a psychosis may experience hallucinations, hold delusional beliefs (e.g.paranoid delusions), demonstrate personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking (see thought disorder). This is often accompanied by lack of insight into the unusual or bizarre nature of such behavior, difficulties with social interaction and impairments in carrying out the activities of daily living. A psychotic episode is often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality".
and I am definetly depressive.
I defintely have visual hallucinations (some can get quite frightening) every day.
I definetly have a running dialouge in my head from three other voices i do not create, who can take over me and it seems like possession because i do not remember what they do, for they do not seem to be me.
I have definetly had this all of my life, for I know it to be no different, except two of the voices came recently (about a month ago) and the visual hallucinations are increasing in appearence rapidly.
I have had a history of becoming suicidally depressive. I have a history of wanting to cut. I have a history of being obsessed with how the body looks. I have a suspicion that I may have OCD...that is a new suspicion that I have not even brought up in therapy yet.
My usual expression is a blank stare because there is so much going on in my head that I do not have time for the real world, it seems. It is definetly distracting.
I have been taken away from a normal life of going to college because of all of this, so I am a bit desperate, but I am scared of medications...
I am writing my daily life down in the form of a book with four diaries, one for each "person in my head" that is proving to be quite the window in to my mind. If it is needed, I can post some of it if it is relevant to try to figure out what is going on.
Again, I would not be posting this if I did not need expert insight.
Please try to help.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 7:46 pm
Remember: People on the Internet can not, and should not diagnose you! Self-diagnosis is never helpful and can be very harmful. It can make you ignore symptoms you have, or imagine symptoms you don't have. If you want treatment, then you need a diagnosis from your professionals. If you don't want treatment, then you don't need a diagnosis.
If your Psychologist isn't giving you a diagnosis or treatment even though you're suicidal, you need to fire him or her right now! And since your Psychologist hasn't done their job, I'd like to ask that you make sure that you've had the necessary run of tests on your psychosis before you rule out physical diseases. Have you had blood tests to check for organ failure? Have you visited a neurologist for an EEG to test for seizures? Have you had a CAT scan to look for tumors? If not, your Psychologist has done a lousy job, and people on the Internet aren't going to do any better.
If your Psychologist has run all those tests and is still turning up with nothing, you still need immediate treatment for any suicidal thoughts. That means you might have to get over your fear of meds and quick. If you don't want treatment, then a diagnosis is the last thing you need.
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 3:14 pm
well, this was a waste of time sad
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 10:05 pm
cohchotheempress well, this was a waste of time sad Pretty much. sad But I hope you waste no time getting yourself to some proper health professionals!
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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:08 am
[Kudzu] cohchotheempress well, this was a waste of time sad Pretty much. sad But I hope you waste no time getting yourself to some proper health professionals! i just wanted some ideas to suggest to my psychologist so he could look in to them. i hate wondering like this.
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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:11 pm
cohchotheempress i just wanted some ideas to suggest to my psychologist so he could look in to them. i hate wondering like this. I know the wondering is hard, but I know from experience that suggesting ideas to your Psychologist is a bad idea. I got a wrong diagnosis that almost killed me that way. Your Psychiatrist should have been trained to observe you, ask you questions, and make non-biased judgements based on your symptoms. I know this is hard. That's why I hope you'll try another doctor for a second opinion who might be able to help you out more quickly, or at least clue you in to how he or she is going about the process.
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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:44 pm
[Kudzu] cohchotheempress i just wanted some ideas to suggest to my psychologist so he could look in to them. i hate wondering like this. I know the wondering is hard, but I know from experience that suggesting ideas to your Psychologist is a bad idea. I got a wrong diagnosis that almost killed me that way. Your Psychiatrist should have been trained to observe you, ask you questions, and make non-biased judgements based on your symptoms. I know this is hard. That's why I hope you'll try another doctor for a second opinion who might be able to help you out more quickly, or at least clue you in to how he or she is going about the process. of course, this being hard to diagnose makes me think it is my fault, which causes me to self-name call, etc. since i am waiting like this, i get no medication for they do not know what i need yet.
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 9:50 pm
cohchotheempress of course, this being hard to diagnose makes me think it is my fault, which causes me to self-name call, etc. since i am waiting like this, i get no medication for they do not know what i need yet. Oh sweetie, it's not your fault. Your Psychologist sounds awful! You don't need a diagnosis to get medication to treat the symptoms. A good doctor would just give you a preliminary diagnosis (like Psychosis Not Otherwise Specified) and give you the help you need while you're waiting. You're the victim here. Don't blame yourself.
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Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:56 am
[Kudzu] cohchotheempress of course, this being hard to diagnose makes me think it is my fault, which causes me to self-name call, etc. since i am waiting like this, i get no medication for they do not know what i need yet. Oh sweetie, it's not your fault. Your Psychologist sounds awful! You don't need a diagnosis to get medication to treat the symptoms. A good doctor would just give you a preliminary diagnosis (like Psychosis Not Otherwise Specified) and give you the help you need while you're waiting. You're the victim here. Don't blame yourself. yes. on the meanwhile, i have started to self-harm again and i do not know what to do...it seems automatic.
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Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:44 pm
cohchotheempress i have started to self-harm again and i do not know what to do...it seems automatic. Sweetie, it's time to go to the hospital. Your current team isn't helping you like you should, and you need to get stabilized so you can work on managing your illness.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:35 am
[Kudzu] cohchotheempress i have started to self-harm again and i do not know what to do...it seems automatic. Sweetie, it's time to go to the hospital. Your current team isn't helping you like you should, and you need to get stabilized so you can work on managing your illness. i saw my psychologist today and told him about the self-harm, and he was like, "oh, okay. well, that is not so bad." so i guess it is not so bad.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:12 pm
cohchotheempress i saw my psychologist today and told him about the self-harm, and he was like, "oh, okay. well, that is not so bad." so i guess it is not so bad. Is there a reason you're staying with this quack? Otherwise, I'm going to begin to lose sympathy if you can clearly see you're not being helped and yet you do not seek proper help.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:25 pm
[Kudzu] cohchotheempress i saw my psychologist today and told him about the self-harm, and he was like, "oh, okay. well, that is not so bad." so i guess it is not so bad. Is there a reason you're staying with this quack? Otherwise, I'm going to begin to lose sympathy if you can clearly see you're not being helped and yet you do not seek proper help. this is the person that the place where i was a daypatient in set me up with. i do not know any other way to get the help i need. he makes me think, "maybe i am not so bad off as i thought i was?" which may be a good tool if indeed i am not so bad off as i think i may be.
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 8:32 pm
cohchotheempress this is the person that the place where i was a daypatient in set me up with. i do not know any other way to get the help i need. Fire him and get a new Psychologist. You can ask the person where you were a daypatient to give you another referral. Or, if you're in big trouble with the self-harm, you can go straight to the hospital and then get a referral to an outpatient clinic after you get stabilized there. If you don't want to go to the hospital, check the pages near the front of your phonebook for your local crisis hotline, or google for one in your area. If you are in the US, you can also call 1-800-SUICIDE which is the national hotline.
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Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 12:02 pm
[Kudzu] cohchotheempress this is the person that the place where i was a daypatient in set me up with. i do not know any other way to get the help i need. Fire him and get a new Psychologist. You can ask the person where you were a daypatient to give you another referral. Or, if you're in big trouble with the self-harm, you can go straight to the hospital and then get a referral to an outpatient clinic after you get stabilized there. If you don't want to go to the hospital, check the pages near the front of your phonebook for your local crisis hotline, or google for one in your area. If you are in the US, you can also call 1-800-SUICIDE which is the national hotline. i have a quite severe fear of people (face to face meetings, etc). so, i will have to stay with this psychologist because the thought of meeting someone new terrifies me...maybe my psychiatrist will be better (i am meeting him for the first time on january 3rd). so..thank you for being nice to me and giving me this information.
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