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Casino High - my novella

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Irmatu

Beloved Dabbler

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:22 pm


Boss Lady Bookwhore (ha, that's her new nickname from me!) said it was okay to post this little novel I was working on for National Novel Writing Month -- which was this past November. I didn't reach the 50,000 word goal, just a measely 13,000. Yet it's a great accomplishment when you have tests from five teachers, two papers from English, and a research paper in the same month. In either case, I will only post small portions per post so there is a break for your eyes. ^^ I know how troublesome it can be to read a post full of paragraphs that just keeeeeep going. So I hope you enjoy! Feel free to give tips and helpful comments! But also remember this competition wanted as much quality you could afford in a small amount of quantity. 50,000 words in 30 days is a death sentence for some -- especially me. I already know there are times in the structure where you're like 'HUH? She can't say/do/type that!'. Just look past that and try to understand as best as you can. This story takes place in no real location in reality, just so you know, and that means you can't come at me saying "Where is this Casinio High?" or "Kids can't be that rich!". It's not meant to be realistic, so just roll with it.

Thanks ahead of time if you did read and/or leave replies! And this concept is copyrighted to me, so no tricky ideas, okay?  
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:24 pm


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Irmatu

Beloved Dabbler


Irmatu

Beloved Dabbler

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:28 pm


[ Message temporarily off-line ]
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:30 pm


That's all for now because I don't want to overwhelm you with the whole thing. You at least get to see two perspectives thus far. And I apologize for dividing each and every paragraph. GAIA's system doesn't recognize the structure I had on MircrosoftWord and just made it all one big, neverending mess. I need to type an Art History Final paper before going to bed.

G'night.

Irmatu

Beloved Dabbler


BookWhore
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:42 am


Wow, very nice Irmatu. Incredibly fantastical but that's what I like about it. Very indicative of the world that you just know is out there but most of us can never reach. It really has a lot of potential. The only thing I want to mention is a trivial bit of geography. Babylon was/is not located in Egypt. It's in the Middle East. Basically right in the middle of the area where U.S. Troops are currently stationed. Sorry, I'm a history-geek and it would have killed me if I didn't mention it. But your story is good. Keep posting!
PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 8:34 am


TheBookWhore
Wow, very nice Irmatu. Incredibly fantastical but that's what I like about it. Very indicative of the world that you just know is out there but most of us can never reach. It really has a lot of potential. The only thing I want to mention is a trivial bit of geography. Babylon was/is not located in Egypt. It's in the Middle East. Basically right in the middle of the area where U.S. Troops are currently stationed. Sorry, I'm a history-geek and it would have killed me if I didn't mention it. But your story is good. Keep posting!


To be honest, I'm glad you told me. ^^ I didn't pay attention very well in Art History and just took a stab at where it was. Figured it was Egypt, but it's only human to be wrong. Thanks for the comment!

Irmatu

Beloved Dabbler


BookWhore
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:31 pm


Irmatu
TheBookWhore
Wow, very nice Irmatu. Incredibly fantastical but that's what I like about it. Very indicative of the world that you just know is out there but most of us can never reach. It really has a lot of potential. The only thing I want to mention is a trivial bit of geography. Babylon was/is not located in Egypt. It's in the Middle East. Basically right in the middle of the area where U.S. Troops are currently stationed. Sorry, I'm a history-geek and it would have killed me if I didn't mention it. But your story is good. Keep posting!


To be honest, I'm glad you told me. ^^ I didn't pay attention very well in Art History and just took a stab at where it was. Figured it was Egypt, but it's only human to be wrong. Thanks for the comment!


No problem. We all have our good/bad areas. Throw some math at me and watch me meltdown. rofl
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:35 am


I don't have to time to actually read right now, so I'll edit in some comments in a little while. However, I just wanted to say... Yea for NaNo! I got to 20k. I can maybe post bits of it later... But yea for NaNo!
I will critique a little later. It's just that this class is about to end, so I should wait until I'll have time to read it in one go.

Kiashana


asta_orra
Captain

PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:47 pm


Hmm...interesting plot. I just watched Sky High, a movie about a superhero HS, so I am in the mood for a story like this. You have fair character development, but there are parts of your syntax that need to be worked on. Just some phrasing issues. I really like the image you are painting of the school and the conflicts that are already brewing the first ten or so paragraphs. I like it. heart
PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 12:53 pm


It's a good start; you've got me wanting more already. It also seems to be developing well at the moment.

Yuukiko

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