What if? What if I was born with blonde hair? Black hair? Red hair even, does that mean I change who I really am to suit my hair colour. Why does everyone want me to be different. Everything is such a game & everybody lies, come on play the game with me, believe in it, let it flourish and die in the end.
Doesn’t everyone wish they were some-one else, Liana I sure as hell know I do. Why is it that people just change to fit into something that isn’t…right? Something that makes people starve to fit in, you know? I am over all the bullshit that happens around in this stupid small-minded town, I don’t want to deal with the stress anymore, why make me suffer? I don’t see the meaning in anything anymore.
Doesn’t being different fit the status quo anymore? I thought that’s what everyone was aiming for, to be different. Now they have made a giant herd of people being “different” but they are all the same. A map of how to "BE" isn’t how I want to live my life. Everything changes, except for you Liana you listen to my ramblings, you understand…or at least you seem to understand. Why can’t people be like you, understanding and compassionate to people like me, with nothing. No home, friends who treat you like s**t when you aren't there. Who then act like nothing was said and no secrets were kept…just why…would it kill them? I hope in some ways; the part of their brain to be a sheep will die then nobody will pick on me anymore, nobody will see me as a freak and throw things at me. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t.
14/6/07
Again, the questions just swarm around my head, the constant buzzing of what ifs? And whys? Why nothing is ever done about the bums on the street? Why nothing is every done about the poor African children who walk 4 hours everyday to be safe in school to have a meal, to live in that false sense of security that a 4 hour walk to school each day will save them from all the bad things going on around them. Nobody gets it anymore. They are all so self-centered and up there own arse to go outside and see the world around them. To understand that they are obese, that they are killing themselves, that they ARE killing there children. Everybody is obsessed with the black box called television. No one actually see's what is going on around them. Sure, television gives a small inside scoop but that’s it, nothing more. There is so much outside which could help them. It just makes me so damn angry to see these things happening and nobody doing anything. No protests about war, no children playing jump rope down on the over-grown basketball court, nothing.
18/6/07
Something...something has to be done. And nobody but me can do it. I am the sole adventurer taking a step forward instead of those 4 steps back the government is taking. Liana you really care and I know you do. That is why I confide everything in you. You understand and seem to pass no judgment on what I do and how everything I do is always justified, it is I swear. I am doing all this for the better of the country, they need to understand what they are doing and how they are wrecking everyone's lives. So many people don’t even care anymore, nobody cares. I care and you care, together we shall prove a point.
22/6/07
Liana, I have to tell you something, I can’t bear it. The pressure the over-bearing of it all. The on-going stress of this giant conspiracy, I have to do it and right now is when it must be carried out.
23/6/07
And with that final entry, the journal “Liana” was closed until opened for the last time, by the paramedic who wore white gloves to not contaminate the scene. The scene where Alyijana lay strewn across her floor, her only companion to watch her die, was her precious “Liana” her one and only friend. Her Diary.
