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 Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:54 pm
Well, I'm going to post my poems here... I would like to welcome you all...
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:59 pm
Music of Tranquility
Sweet melodies filled the air
So softly, so calm
To a paradise they take us
Shining like silver dust
A harmony was made
A beautiful serenade
Notes of different kinds
Dancing through our minds
The sound of violin
Strumming our souls
Telling us stories
Of history, so old
The graceful piano
Standing there
An aura of elegance
Grace and care
A musical sheet
Old as time
A song of beauty
Words that rhyme
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Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:48 pm
VAMPIRES
Veins that boils with lust and passion
Abyss the name, the place of creation
Mortals feared the race of them
Pale and callous, living in den
Inferno red, those eyes of seer
Rivers of blood, for them elixir
Eternity their beauty, untouched by time
Souls bound forever, never to be mine
Uhmm... this is an acronym-like poem, which describe a vampire based on my own perspective of them...
Hope you like it..!! biggrin
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:23 am
In "Music of Tranquility," I really wanted to congratulate you on your rhyming. For the most part, it doesn't stick out. Though I did find the rhyme in the second stanza to be a little heavy handed and forceful; I really noticed the rhyme here.
I would have also liked some of the imagery to be expanded a little more. For example, I really like the lines "The sound of violin/Strumming our souls." It was a very unique image for me, but I kinda wanted it to be expanded upon a little more. How is it strumming our souls? Softly? Quietly? The poem is built around such small lines and stanzas, I know, but I wanted to see the images to be richer.
In "Vampires," I wanted to say good job with working in the acronym. I didn't notice it until the end when you pointed it out. I enjoyed that it was there as an added layer but not forced into the reader's face and down their throat.
I would have liked to see more imagery in the poem. It mostly revolves around these statements about Vampirism instead of trying to represent Vampirism. Statements like "Vampires are consumed by lust and passion" (Personal reading of first line). I would have liked to experienced it more and have been told about it less.
Overall, great job so far. You do very well with rhyme (way better than I do; my rhyme always sounds so forced), and some of your images are really fresh. I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 6:08 pm
Thank you so much... biggrin
I agree with you on my second stanza, I'm having a hard time on what to put on next, and how can I rhyme them... xd
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 6:11 pm
Here's another of my poem. It's my recent one though, hope you like it... heart
Dreams
I saw a land full of flowers
Castles build with high towers
I'm the fair lady of this land
With hands so smooth like a princess hand
I saw a gate with golden metals
Songs echoing like spring's petals
I'm one of the angels high above
Singing a song about God's love
I saw a village, begging for help
Villagers suffering, loosing themselves
I am the king, stretching a hand
To rise again my once fallen land
I saw a princess trapped in a den
A dragon guarding her like a gem
I am the knight, in a horse of white
To save the damsel, with all my might
I saw a family dining together
Smiling so gently, to one another
I am the daughter, the youngest one
Who brings joy to everyone
All this things I dream about
All this fantasies my mind made out
I hope... I wish that in reality
One of my dreams, I wish to see
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