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 Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 10:45 pm
Okay so I've been dating my girlfriend for about 4 months now. Things are going great! For about roughly a month now we started getting more into sexual situations. I feel like I made her wait a while. Everyone I talk to looks I me like I'm crazy when I say I havent had sex with her yet.
But anyway. This is my first relationship, so Im not good with anything sexual. Or I dotn have alot of experience, anyway, its not that Im not "good." But whether she's fingering me or going down, I ALWAYS orgasm. But with her, I cant get her to orgasm. I know its because I hardly have any experience in this, and maybe Im not doing something right....
I dont know. Whether Im fingering her or going down on her I cant seem to get her to orgasm. Maybe im just....I dunno, not doing something right. Lmao.
Maybe Im going to quick or slow. But I told her tonight through text messaging once I left her house that I really feel bad that she doesnt orgasm and that she's "Not allowed to touch me until I figure/get her to orgasm. And I felt bad and felt she probably hated me right now." I was half joking of course, but I was kind of serious too. But she just responded back with, "I dont hate you, I'm pretty sure I love you. The sex thing isnt a big deal to me. It'll happen when it happens."
So! After that long winded paragraph....can someone give me sex advice? Things I should and shouldnt do. Maybe sex positions....I just want to make her feel good, like she's been doing to me. Any sexual advice would help!
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Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:09 pm
It seems as if you're having communication issues in the bedroom. Is your girlfriend able to have an orgasm unassisted (solo, no vibrator or other object)? She has to know exactly what it is she likes for you to learn what she likes. For some people an orgasm isn't necessary for good sex. Part of the problem may be with your own personal view of orgasms. If you focus strictly on getting her off then the overall experience is not enjoyable. Giving absolutes where she cannot touch you until she orgasms from you might not be such a good thing either. She might possibly fake it.
My advice: Talk to her about how she likes to be touched, what sensations she likes. Take it slow instead of trying to get her there. Let her guide you into doing what she likes.
And the absolute most important thing: Keep the communication open. "You like when I do this?" is a GREAT question for when you're in the bedroom.
Now...if she's unable to orgasm by herself then it's much less of an issue for you. If this is the situation then help her "explore her body" and maybe go shopping with her for some fun stuff.
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Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 7:43 pm
you and your girlfriend sdsound alot like me and my fiance when we first started having sex. i wasnt allowed to do anything to him until he made me have my first orgsm, which took a while let me add.
some girls have toruble orgasming without penetration. also one of the things that kept me from orgasming was stress and worry about not being able to orgasm. not to mention being so new to sex didnt help much either. it had been years since he had had sex and it was my first time so there was alot of fumbling and learning about each other's bodies to do.
zero is completly right about an orgasm not being needed for some people to have awsome sex. its hard for me to orgasm so sometimes ill just fake it so the fiance can finish up (it really turns him on when ive orgasmed so im not doing it just to get it over with) and ill still be 100% satisfied
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 5:08 am
dam classified O.o if thats slow than i'm a super slow snail on salt...i made my boyfriend wait an entire year before i let him stick his c**k in me and i made him wait like a six months before doing anything sexual besides kissing...sex really isn't everything though...for real. some women just never orgasm is all...maybe your girlfriend is one of those unlucky few?
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 8:47 am
I know it sounds crazy but watch porn. And learn from it. Then try it on her.
If not that then ask her to teach you, and I know thats awkward but once you ask and she says yes then it'll help.
And definately ask what she likes, maybe even get something special that she finds sexy can help (like you wearing something or doing something before you go down).
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:06 am
Yeeeah, my lady and I have the same problem.
Except, neither of us can orgasm.
We figure it's a lack of experience, and the fact that her prozac medication prevents her from having orgasms. (Which depresses her to no end, the poor girl. She's never had an orgasm.)
I think what she's doing wrong, for me, is the lack of rythm. She tends to go everywhere, doing different things. Which is great, actually, but rythm is what I really need to climax.
This is the case for most v****a-owners. Some can't even climax from anything but a vibrator, because the direct, intense rythm is the only thing that works.
So yeah, like everyone else said, find out from her what she likes. If she doesn't know, explore different things together. Maybe you want to try sex toys?
I have a book about cunnilingus. (Box Lunch, by... that lady who edits 'On Our Backs'. Forgot her name.)
The basic gist of it is that you should start by teasing her, in a way. Touch her thighs, touch her lower abdomen, etc.
Then once you actually get in there, do the same. Touch everywhere but her clitoris.
Keep this going until you get her pretty lustful, until she's pretty much pushing in to you.
And that's when you start with a rythm.
You can change the rythm, obviously, but keep it repetitive, always.
So, go from small, direct movements, to small circles, but always keep the same movement going for a while.
If you've got her on the edge of an orgasm, but she can't QUITE get there, change your stroke.
So start with that.
But communication is the most important thing, so talk to your girlfriend, because maybe she might want penetration as well. (Easily added.) Or maybe stimulation to other parts of her, like her nipples, or back, or something.
And of course, as it has been said, orgasm is not the indication of good sex.
As long as you're both satisfied with what actually did happen, then you'll be fine.
I'm sure you'll figure it out.
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