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 Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:40 am
So after about three semesters of solid F's and a semester of academic suspension (due to my depression and PTSD/inability to get my butt out of bed and go talk to my profs when I was having problems), my grades for my first semester back at university just came in... three A's and an A minus. I should be overjoyed, right? I mean, it's not like I dealt with less adversity this semester than in the last several, in fact I've dealt with more... but I pulled through and did well.
But that minus. That damned minus. It's niggling at me... it was in a class that I thought I did wonderfully in... but... there's a minus, there. Bringing my GPA down to 3.918 for the semester instead of 4.0... just... that note of doubt, that "well, you should have tried harder."
I can't figure myself out, at this point. Why am I not happy for myself? I mean... I AM... but I'm not. If you get my meaning.
What should I do? What should I say to myself? How do I hype myself out of feeling like some sort of mini-failure or just lucky because my profs liked me and make myself be as thrilled for me as I think I should be? Why am I doing this to myself?
I've been sleeping a lot, feeling tired all the time, not getting things done that I want to, feeling sad a lot more, and tonight I was thinking about how much better a little physical pain would make me feel (though I resisted)... is it because school's out and/or I'm alone in the apartment a lot? Because it's winter? Some unknown other reason?
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 1:31 am
That's what sucks about depression. No matter what happens, the world still seems so bleak. Even if you're the queen/king of the world or something.
So what's the problem? Do you feel down about the A-, or it just isn't as exciting as it should be? The thing is, you know you should be overjoyed about it, but you arn't. You know you tried hard. You know you did well. (seemingly anyway, I can't tell you what you think, sorry if it sounds that way). But it seems your brain won't let you feel it.
I guess we could try it this way: Why did you want an A in that subject? how much does it matter, and why? How important are grades in your life? What good are they? I don't really understand the GPA, since I'm from Australia. In the future, is anyone gonna care about a little lower GPA? Or most important, are you gonna care? And what would happen if you got the 4.0 GPA? Would that have snapped you out of depression? Or would you still feel like this? Ahhh, to many questions, no?
What should you do? Good question razz Maybe try fighting the depression again. How'd you do it the first time? Maybe talk to a councellor at uni or something. And yeah, the good old triangle of depression. Depressing thinking -> Depressing action (not socialising, not doing fun stuff, etc) -> depressed mood and back to depressing thinking. Attack those corners? Councelling for the thinking, meds for the moods and I guess forcing yourself to socialise, or do 'fun' things might help. Even getting yourself a job or classes or something when you're in a good mood, and than you have to go to that, it may help. Helps me. The more time you spend at home, the more time you have to think depressing stuff that makes you more depressed >.<. Though you probably know all this, if you do, sorry sad
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 9:12 am
Yeah, what difference is that little minus going to make in the real world. Your grades will probably tell people how great you were in that major and that can lead you to many great opportunities.
Sounds like you're doing great despite this little bit of depression. You're able to get things done and push forward.
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:26 pm
Try not to obsess over it, otherwise you'll just feel bad about feeling bad, and that's no good! Sometimes it helps me when I'm sad to try to appreciate the small things that I do well and that are good in life. I can make a tasty cup of tea to drink while listening to the radio!
Depression can get worse during the winter. A lot of people receiving treatment choose to have their medications increased during the darker months.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:24 am
Try to Forget about it. you'll feel so much better and if you do feel worse in the winter months try a sun lamp. I use one every morning in the winter ad it really helps. wink
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:50 am
Try focusing on the positives, you wouldn't make filter coffee and only keep the grounds. You've done amazingly well to get your grades back up. An A- is damn good.
Try and keep busy, lying in bed always makes me feel worse. Anything. Try doing sudoku, tidy the kitchen, go and see some friends. Go for a walk in the park, kick leaves. Write about why you're upset and try to analyse it and problem solve. Having nothing to do can often lead to rumination, if you can see when you are and take positive steps towards changing things then it will help.
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