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 Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:30 pm
Well, my parents are getting divorced... It was a really hard blow when I first found out, but now I'm okay enough to talk about it.
They had been fighting off and on for a really long time; I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they're finally getting divorced. They went to a counselor and joined some marriage group, but somehow they ended up stopping both.
I am frustrated, angry, sad, and overall, confused. It seems like they get into fights over the most insignificant things. They can't even talk to each other; I have to basically deliver messages to each of them. I just don't understand it at all.
And then, because my mom or dad is angry, I'm angry too. I know I should be more understanding about their feelings, but at the same time it's hard to accept that.
I've been praying and asking God for better understanding, but I feel like my faith is kind of... drifting.
And isn't divorce against the church?? They say they're getting an amicable divorce, but still..
And all of this mixed with school is just overwhelming sometimes. Help?
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Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:41 pm
the church does not allow divorce, only annulment and only under special conditions,
it is very unfortunate that this is the fate of more then 50% of the married in our country,
this may help your parents...if they are willing to read it -
http://www.directionforourtimes.com/docs/booklet-divorce.pdf
this also may help -
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=15358557
you really have every right to be angry right now, your parents are being selfish, and i'm sorry if my saying that upsets you, but no matter how much your parents are angry with each other, they should never let anything happen in their life that will directly effect you in this way, they were married for you, marriage is for the procreation and education of children, and if their relationship with each other is sufferings, then they need to first and foremost seek Gods help to fix that, and do everything they can to make it work, and that doesn't mean just telling each other what one thinks of the other, it means looking at themselves and seeing what they need to change in themselves,
let them know these things, and let them know how much this if effecting you,
also, read this, and show it to them as well -
http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/statistics-about-children-and-divorce.html
don't think you need to be accepting of this, it's not just your parents marriage that's at stake, it's their souls,
but do not put this all on yourself either, you need to give it to God and seek His help throughout all of this, pray for Him to intervene and ask others to pray for them also, have your priest say a mass for your parents, or as many as you want,
you can even look for convents online and other churches who will pray for you,
this is really a very serious problem, so i will keep you and your parents in my prayers,
don't let this turn you away from the church, it is times like these that you need God the most, and if the unthinkable happens, you will need Him then more than ever...
alright, i really hope this helps, tc.
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Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:42 pm
Thank you so much... I will definitely show my parents the websites and talk to them about how I feel. Sometimes I feel like giving up on them, but I'm not going to lose hope.
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Posted: Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:57 am
Divorce is one of the most tragic aspects of our society. The best advice that I can give is to love both of your parents, and let them know that you love both of them. Teach them that there are more important things to do in their lives than fight.
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Posted: Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:37 pm
Here's the problem with marriage... it only works when both parties want it to. It does seem however that the personnel sacrifice plus give and take associated with marriage seems a bit harder to find (but not completely forgotten) in our society. That does make the prospect a little more challenging.
One must also consider that the identity of marriage has changed too. Most of today's marriages are based on emotion and with often too little thought aside from that (arranged marriages tended to be more successful and less likely to turn abusive.) With the more business-like propositions of the arranged marriage both partners were more havily encouraged to keep it together.
Now I'm not just saying we should have others choose our weddings. However it may be best to observer the coin from different angles for best results.
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Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:46 am
love is not a feeling, it is an activity, perhaps you can remind your parents that there is more at stake in this relationship than the success of their marriage. They're forgetting to love their neighbour, that's something that their commanded to do, whether or not they're supposed to be stuck with that person.
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:52 pm
My parents are divorced, and neither one is Catholic. It's hard, but know that God won't give you more than you can handle. Also, the divorce isn't about you (well, it partly was in my case), it's about their issues with each other. Don't take on their stress. Love both, don't feel like you need to take sides. (Mine try to do that, but please don't fall into that trap like I'm trying not to.)
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 8:35 am
it doesn't matter if the church allows it or not, Christ gave very clear teachings on when divorce is and isn't justified, i would read up on it.
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Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:01 pm
A lot of people don't realise just how difficult marriage is. It all seems very romantic and picturesque for many couples for a while, but after 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, sometimes it just starts to wear thin.
I've been with my partner for 11 years and while we may always love one another, we sure as hell don't always like one another. We bicker over stupid things all the time. But at the end of the day we remember the promise that we made to each other, we remember that we love each other, and if we need to, we take a moment to step back and consider the profound lifelong commitment we made to one another, and how that's way bigger that who forgot to bring home the orange juice or which one of us misplaced the cigarette lighter. We love each other, and who gives a crap about the orange juice anyway?
It sucks that your parents are putting you in the middle of their relationship drama. That's not a fair task to put any child up to. It's not your responsibility to hold their relationship together.
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