Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok this is my first poem I've posted but I really would like comments on how I could improve smile

Everything has gone wrong
I will stay in the darkness
Waiting for the end
Wondering what it would be like
If the world gave me a second chance
To undo my mistakes
And start again

I know exactly what you're talking about in this, but I don't think that you've explored as much as you could have. Just because I've felt this way before doesn't mean that others have, you know, so you might wanna expand a little bit on some of this.

Like, the first two lines are kinda general, and don't really give much emotion, and only really give an overall sense of what you're feeling here. If you where to use some more emotional words rather than "everything", which doesn't really mean anything, and rather than "wrong", which is also kinda general.

"staying in the darkness" is a nice image, but I don't really feel what I know it to feel like when I read those lines. Maybe include something about whatever it is that is causing you angst, or however you dealt with it until now, how it made you feel, like, in a cycle or in a path, if you know what I mean.

This is a really short poem, and you probably didn't add any stanzas to it because of that. I think you might wanna think about actually putting some in, so that the two or three thoughts you have here are more individual, but still together by being in the same poem. 'Cause you've got a couple of things that you're only talking about briefly here, 1. your description of the past (line 1) 2. your feelings of depression (lines 2-3), and 3. your feeling of wishfulness (lines 4-7). Looking at the poem this way, with the lines, I like how the different thoughts get longer as the poem goes on... maybe if you were to make each thought its own stanza with a couple of extra lines for each of them, you could do the same thing - make the first stanza really short, and then the last stanza the longest like that. Kinda neat.

Was there anything you really wanted to hear about, specifically?

And hey, maybe since I read and gave you my thoughts on yours, you could do the same for me, please? I see that you have had feelings similar to mine, so you might be able to relate to my poem pretty easily (mine is the one just below yours - "The Escape")