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The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children issued an alert Tuesday (February 16, 2010) after teen (Paige Marie Brewer) ran away with Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey, the self-proclaimed vampire who in 2006 ran for Minnesota governor.

http://www.ncmec.org/missingkids/servlet/PubCaseSearchServlet?act=viewPoster&caseNum=1141166&orgPrefix=NCMC&searchLang=en_US

PAIGE MARIE BREWER
Case Type: Endangered Runaway
DOB: Aug 20, 1993 Sex: Female
Missing Date: Feb 14, 2010 Race: White
Age Now: 16 Height: 5'7" (170 cm)
Missing City: FARIBAULT Weight: 220 lbs (100 kg)
Missing State : MN Hair Color: Brown
Missing Country: United States Eye Color: Brown
Case Number: NCMC1141166
Circumstances: Both photos shown are of Paige. She may be in the company of an adult White male. Paige may travel to Seaside Heights, New Jersey.
Faribault Police Department (Minnesota) 1-507-334-4305

Darwin award?

Ew, there's so many people who think they're vampires in Atlanta that they've formed an alliance? Well, there goes my last shred of faith in humanity. Christ. Find me a dictionary, I need to go beat a whole bunch of people about the head.