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 Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:16 pm
I'm 13 about to turn 14 in less than 2 months.
I have been under heavy depression because I hate myself. More because through my life woman have never bothered to actaully talk to me. They only want to talk to me because they like the way I look. It makes me so mad. People who don't even know me want to date because they like my eyes or whatever. I've only had one girl tell me this and she's excactly what I want
She is fun and playful and mello at the same time. Just like me. We both have problems at home with alcholic family members. But we also have other family problems that arn't in common. I have never fell in love with a girl like this in a very long time. But I question myself as whether to think if I'm even old enough to understand this.
I am talking to her right now and we've been talking for over 6 hours and last night we talked for over 4 hours.
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 10:24 pm
Yeah like in reality only a few relationships from that age actually survive.
Don't make it your prime priority though, live life and love will come on its own. You know life expectancy for a male is around his 70s and a woman its about 84. So I mean hey you got like 60-50 more years to live life
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Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:02 pm
At 13 and 14, girls your age aren't women - at least, I hate giving that term to kids. When you're 13, 14, 15 (etc), you're still a kid. That's not a bad thing, I just hate the mislabeling because I feel it's putting pressure on kids to grow up and act older than they really are.
I know that at 13 and 14, and the rest of the teens years, it's not biologically possible to know what love is. If I remember correctly, the human brain isn't fully developed until the person is like, into their 20's. That's why it's often hard for teenagers to fully grasp consequences and long-term results - those parts of their brain haven't finished growing yet.
Anyways, getting back on point here... if you want to get into a relationship at your age, that's fine. But "love" at that age is more of a crush, an infatuation. It's not really love - that's something that comes later in life. I remember being 12, 13, 14 and thinking I was in love - I wasn't, it was just crushes. If I had to really nail it down, I would say I first thought I knew what love was at 16, when I started dating my first boyfriend.
Because really, what is love? A lot of people will say it's not just having gushy feelings for each other, doing nice things for each other, and stuff like that. Love is having the capacity to understand yourself and your partner, to give and care unconditionally, to persevere in difficult times because you love your partner... stuff like that. Stuff that many teenagers aren't fully capable of doing and understanding until they're older.
And as Foxprincess said, you have your whole life ahead of you - there should be no pressure to go out and get a boyfriend/girlfriend just because that's what everyone else is doing. I know it's easier said than done, because that's unfortunately what today's society is like, but it can be done if that's what you decide you really want for yourself.
So as for this girl, there's nothing that says you can't be friends for awhile before you decide whether or not you want to date her. Maybe that will help you decide whether you really "understand" your feelings for her. Foxprincess is right in that most relationships from your age group don't survive the end of the teenage years... of the relationships I know of that have made it past the teen years, they started in the latter half (between 16 and 19, and most of the people I know aren't past their late teens/early 20's).
Life and love will come on its own. Nurture this friendship with this girl, and if you both feel you'd be ok being in a relationship, then that will happen when it's meant to happen. smile Don't try to rush it for the sake of being with someone.
As for your depression, if it's not going away, you can try talking to your school counsellor/a mental health professional for support and guidance, and the same goes for the girl you like. There are resources available online and offline for people who need them.
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 12:37 am
Nikolita At 13 and 14, girls your age aren't women - at least, I hate giving that term to kids. When you're 13, 14, 15 (etc), you're still a kid. That's not a bad thing, I just hate the mislabeling because I feel it's putting pressure on kids to grow up and act older than they really are. I know that at 13 and 14, and the rest of the teens years, it's not biologically possible to know what love is. If I remember correctly, the human brain isn't fully developed until the person is like, into their 20's. That's why it's often hard for teenagers to fully grasp consequences and long-term results - those parts of their brain haven't finished growing yet. Anyways, getting back on point here... if you want to get into a relationship at your age, that's fine. But "love" at that age is more of a crush, an infatuation. It's not really love - that's something that comes later in life. I remember being 12, 13, 14 and thinking I was in love - I wasn't, it was just crushes. If I had to really nail it down, I would say I first thought I knew what love was at 16, when I started dating my first boyfriend. Because really, what is love? A lot of people will say it's not just having gushy feelings for each other, doing nice things for each other, and stuff like that. Love is having the capacity to understand yourself and your partner, to give and care unconditionally, to persevere in difficult times because you love your partner... stuff like that. Stuff that many teenagers aren't fully capable of doing and understanding until they're older. And as Foxprincess said, you have your whole life ahead of you - there should be no pressure to go out and get a boyfriend/girlfriend just because that's what everyone else is doing. I know it's easier said than done, because that's unfortunately what today's society is like, but it can be done if that's what you decide you really want for yourself. So as for this girl, there's nothing that says you can't be friends for awhile before you decide whether or not you want to date her. Maybe that will help you decide whether you really "understand" your feelings for her. Foxprincess is right in that most relationships from your age group don't survive the end of the teenage years... of the relationships I know of that have made it past the teen years, they started in the latter half (between 16 and 19, and most of the people I know aren't past their late teens/early 20's). Life and love will come on its own. Nurture this friendship with this girl, and if you both feel you'd be ok being in a relationship, then that will happen when it's meant to happen. smile Don't try to rush it for the sake of being with someone. As for your depression, if it's not going away, you can try talking to your school counsellor/a mental health professional for support and guidance, and the same goes for the girl you like. There are resources available online and offline for people who need them. I've known her for quite a few months. We have everything in common. I have liked girls before. Or crush's as you call them. But this feels completely difrent. Like no matter how bad of a modd I am in that she is there to cheer me up and remind me I'm not as alone as I usually feel. And when she is going through any issues I am there for her as well. I've never had more in commmon with someone in my life. We also have the same issues. I don't want to "be with her" or settle down with her. but sometime in the future I wouldn't mind that. The time in between I would like to focus on other things. I am taking your advice. I just want to make sure that I'm not thinking too much ahead. Sorry for not responding in like a week.
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 8:25 am
Hmm...I can agree with the other posters to an extent.
When you are young, you can experience love. I know I did when I was 14, I was with a girl for two years just about. Now I am 20 years old, with a man for almost two years..I feel that I love him more than I ever loved the girl, but I can still say for sure that I did love her despite the many obstacles.
Nikolita is right though. I can't relate too well, I was only with three people before being with my current boyfriend. However, I did tell a boy I was dating for a month or so that I loved him. I later came to find out that I did not really love him. Being with someone was something new for me, so I thought what I had was love.
A lot of relationships you may have, you might feel and say you are in love. But as you go through different relationships and grow, you may find that they really were just infatuations. It isn't anything bad, every relationships (good and bad, no matter how long or short) will help you understand what is love to you.
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 11:14 am
iSmexDoll People who don't even know me want to date because they like my eyes or whatever. That's the way it is at that age. When I was your age, people had crushes on people they had never even spoken to. They'd ask friends to ask people out for them. They'd pass "Do you like me? Check yes or no" type notes. It's sort of a ridiculous stage of life. xp So don't worry. You're not the only one going through that, and you're not doomed to only be approached by shallow women for the rest of your life. And if you see that their crushes on you are sort of ridiculous, that's good. Because it means you might be more mature than they are. 3nodding iSmexDoll I've only had one girl tell me this and she's excactly what I want She is fun and playful and mello at the same time. Just like me. We both have problems at home with alcholic family members. But we also have other family problems that arn't in common. I have never fell in love with a girl like this in a very long time. But I question myself as whether to think if I'm even old enough to understand this. I am talking to her right now and we've been talking for over 6 hours and last night we talked for over 4 hours. I think it is possible for a teen to love another person. Teens love friends, parents, and pets. Being in love is a tad different. Because of the sexual nature of it, a lot of teens are confused by it. They see someone who looks good, and they feel lust. They're surprised by how powerful it is, and they mistake it for being in love. But just because they mistake it and misunderstand it doesn't necessarily mean they are incapable of feeling it. I've felt a lot of lust in my time. But looking back, I'd say I did genuinely love a couple of people in a romantic way when I was pretty young. The problem for me was that when I was young I didn't understand that love wasn't always enough. I didn't know when to get out of a bad situation. So as a teen, I ended up being in a very abusive relationship that lasted four years. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I think it is possible for you to love a girl at your age. But that doesn't mean you really know what you want out of life, that you are ready to settle down, that you know what you want out of a relationship, etc. But it sounds like you already know that! smile So your first priority right now should probably be you. Like Niko said, your depression won't just go away. And things like that can be a real strain on a relationship if they're not dealt with. I know you said she makes you feel good and everything. And that's great. But don't forget that even the best relationships are not sunshine and roses all the time. So you can't rely on her for all your happiness. So see a professional. You should be able to see a school counselor for free and without anyone knowing. Once you have that under control a bit, reexamine how you feel. If you still feel just as strongly about her, I think it would be ok for you to ask her out if you wanted to. Just take it slow and use your head. Like Jen said, every relationship helps us to better understand what we want and how we feel. And yes, it is ok to think ahead even when you're taking things slow. We pretty much all look ahead, plan, and imagine how things might be. It's fun to daydream. It gives us a better idea of what we are looking for in a partner and in a relationship. And it lets us know what important issues we might need to discuss before getting into a serious relationship. 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 2:04 pm
LorienLlewellyn iSmexDoll People who don't even know me want to date because they like my eyes or whatever. That's the way it is at that age. When I was your age, people had crushes on people they had never even spoken to. They'd ask friends to ask people out for them. They'd pass "Do you like me? Check yes or no" type notes. It's sort of a ridiculous stage of life. xp So don't worry. You're not the only one going through that, and you're not doomed to only be approached by shallow women for the rest of your life. And if you see that their crushes on you are sort of ridiculous, that's good. Because it means you might be more mature than they are. 3nodding iSmexDoll I've only had one girl tell me this and she's excactly what I want She is fun and playful and mello at the same time. Just like me. We both have problems at home with alcholic family members. But we also have other family problems that arn't in common. I have never fell in love with a girl like this in a very long time. But I question myself as whether to think if I'm even old enough to understand this. I am talking to her right now and we've been talking for over 6 hours and last night we talked for over 4 hours. I think it is possible for a teen to love another person. Teens love friends, parents, and pets. Being in love is a tad different. Because of the sexual nature of it, a lot of teens are confused by it. They see someone who looks good, and they feel lust. They're surprised by how powerful it is, and they mistake it for being in love. But just because they mistake it and misunderstand it doesn't necessarily mean they are incapable of feeling it. I've felt a lot of lust in my time. But looking back, I'd say I did genuinely love a couple of people in a romantic way when I was pretty young. The problem for me was that when I was young I didn't understand that love wasn't always enough. I didn't know when to get out of a bad situation. So as a teen, I ended up being in a very abusive relationship that lasted four years. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I think it is possible for you to love a girl at your age. But that doesn't mean you really know what you want out of life, that you are ready to settle down, that you know what you want out of a relationship, etc. But it sounds like you already know that! smile So your first priority right now should probably be you. Like Niko said, your depression won't just go away. And things like that can be a real strain on a relationship if they're not dealt with. I know you said she makes you feel good and everything. And that's great. But don't forget that even the best relationships are not sunshine and roses all the time. So you can't rely on her for all your happiness. So see a professional. You should be able to see a school counselor for free and without anyone knowing. Once you have that under control a bit, reexamine how you feel. If you still feel just as strongly about her, I think it would be ok for you to ask her out if you wanted to. Just take it slow and use your head. Like Jen said, every relationship helps us to better understand what we want and how we feel. And yes, it is ok to think ahead even when you're taking things slow. We pretty much all look ahead, plan, and imagine how things might be. It's fun to daydream. It gives us a better idea of what we are looking for in a partner and in a relationship. And it lets us know what important issues we might need to discuss before getting into a serious relationship. 3nodding I really like how you put this. In fact I like how all of you put it. Thank you. I hate talking to people because I get ahead of ymself and begin going on and on. Feels good to actaully listen to someone with something intelligent to say. As for the counselor, no. I'd rather feel depressed, than feel like I'm insane. Plus I keep everything in. It takes alot for me to open up completely for anyone. Let alone someone who is getting paid to listen to me b***h and moan. I hope no one gets offended by that it's just I like to be alone. Which is why I find it strange that she makes me want to date her. The thing with the girls liking me because of my eyes and things. It just makes me so mad when I meet a girl and the next day she wants to go out. I could be a complete jerk murderer who supports animal abuse and they don't care just because of my appearance. I hate that so much. It makes me wish I was ugly or uninteresting.
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 7:57 pm
I somewhat disagree with some of the things said here because I don't believe it's impossible to love someone just because you're young. I think it's possible you may love this girl but just as possible that you think you love her and it's just a crush. I met my boyfriend when I was thirteen, he asked me to be his girlfriend when we were fourteen, and we're still together and we're twenty three now. It's not impossible. I would estimate that I was about fifteen and a year or so into the relationship when I really felt that I was "in love" with him. Either way, it's not like I went into the relationship at that age expecting for him to end up being someone I'd spend my whole life with, but that's how I ended up feeling later on as the relationship grew. If you like this girl and want to date her, there's nothing wrong with that. Even if it turns out you don't love her, or it doesn't last, there's no harm in getting dating experience.
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:06 pm
^ My parents started dating when my mother was 14 and my father was 16. 3nodding
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