|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The One Called Sketch Vice Captain
|
 Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:14 am
Make me laugh, guys.
You may find this easier to do than the essay contest but I assure you... I'm hard to please. I go to comedy clubs quite a bit.
Once again, spelling and grammar count, folks.
Absolutely NO images may be used as your jokes. Images may ONLY be used as a visual aide alongside the joke.
ONLY ENTRIES FOUND IN THE CONTEST THREAD WILL BE CONSIDERED.
LIMIT: 3 ENTRIES PER PERSON.
This contest will also end on March 1st.
The winner of the contest will be notified by PM and in the contest thread as well as in our announcements area.
You will then make a list of items you'd like from the cash shop and submit them to me via PM. I will buy and gift the items to your gaia account. The total of your requests may not exceed $10USD.
Good luck, folks!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 3:21 am
Do the jokes have to be original or can we quote some one?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:04 am
For the first joke, I will call this a "Truth joke".
A Teenager
A Teenager is...
A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.
A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.
A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.
An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.
A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.
A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 12:11 pm
1. Did I ever mention I am a Veterinary and Taxidermist - "Either way you'll get your cat back."
2. When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, and not in terror, like the passengers in his car.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 12:45 pm
Someone Told A Man To Blow Up A Car....
He Burnt His Lips On The Exhaust Pipe! XD--Flashdance (movie this was taken from)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:19 pm
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'd**k', and 'Colon'." -Chris Rock
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:21 pm
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the p...harmacist to get some condoms.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’ The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’ The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’
xD it took a while for me to check if i was spelling everything right but for 10$ gaia cahs its cool . 3 .
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:03 pm
How do you get an English you get an English major off your doorstep?
Pay for the pizza.
What's the diffrence between a park bench and an English major?
A park bench can support a family of four.
An Engineer asks, "How does it work?" A Philosopher asks, "Why are we here?" An Accountant asks, "How much does it cost?" A English major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:10 pm
So. There's this brilliant magician performing on a cruise ship. The cruise line was really lucky to get him; he designs all his own tricks and no one has ever seen anything like him before. Unfortunately, not everyone on board is impressed; there's one man who has to be escorted out of almost every show, yelling about how it's all faked.
One evening, right in the middle of the show, a violent storm blows up out of nowhere and the ship sinks. And, of course, who should end up in the same lifeboat but the magician and his biggest critic?
For three days straight, they sit there glaring at each other. Finally, when they're both horribly sunburned and the fresh water's starting to run low, the heckler rolls his eyes and gives an enormous sigh.
"All right, you big phony," he says. "You and your dumb tricks. What did you do with the ship?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:38 pm
I don't think this is too bad of a joke, but I've gotten it from "Arrested Development".
A son and his father are talking, and he explains that his mother is on edge. His father responds with "Well, she must not be getting any from my brother, Oscar".
So the son goes to Oscar and says "I'd like you to GIVE something to my mother... since I can't GIVE IT TO HER myself" trying to hint that he should have sex with his mother. Oscar, clearly oblivious, looks at him strangely. The son says "You know... a little afternoon delight...?"
Oscar, misunderstanding, thinks he is talking about a brand of pot that he smokes, "Afternoon Delight". "How do I get it in her?" he asks. The son replies "Uh, I dunno, be creative... Just don't tell-" "I'll put it in her brownie!"
I have one more, if you don't mind.
A Native American child goes up to his father and asks "Why am I named Gold Stag?". The father replies "When you were born, the first thing I saw when I stepped out, holding you in my arms, was a magnificent stag, outlined by the golden morning sun. Why do you ask, Golden Fur Stag?" The child replies that he just wanted to know and went on his way.
A while later, the father's second child walks up and asks the same question. The father says "When you were born, the first thing I saw when I stepped out, holding you in my arms, was a bear with a fierce gleam in its eye protecting its cubs. Why do you ask, Fierce Eye Bear?" The child replies that he was just wondering, and he should get back to hunting.
Then the father's third child comes over and asks the same question. The father answers and then asks "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Humping?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The One Called Sketch Vice Captain
|
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:27 am
iheardulikemudkips A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the p...harmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’ The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’ The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’ xD it took a while for me to check if i was spelling everything right but for 10$ gaia cahs its cool . 3 . Aside from spelling "Cash" wrong, you win. PM me your wish list.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:06 pm
IceColdHaterade iheardulikemudkips A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the p...harmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’ The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’ The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’ xD it took a while for me to check if i was spelling everything right but for 10$ gaia cahs its cool . 3 . Aside from spelling "Cash" wrong, you win. PM me your wish list. Oh my goodness,thank you sincerely for picking me and whoops,i did spell cash wrong,didn't I?xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
