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[LQ]Hadaccah [Crt/Mrk]

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RoChan

Celestial Pirate

PostPosted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 6:13 pm


Welcome to my quest for a Lunarian!


Username : RoChan
Payment Method : Pixelated currency
Do You Agree? : Wait.. what was the question?
PostPosted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 6:27 pm


Basics
Lunarian Name : Hadaccah (also goes by Esther)
Meaning : Hadaccah: Maple Tree ; Esther: Star
Origin : Hebrew
Allegiance Legion
Contribution : Decorative Metal works & a Spy

Appearance
Skin Tone : Dark tan
Body Style : Curvaceous
Hair Color/Style : Long, dark curly/wavy hair
Eye Color : Dark black almond shaped eyes
Clothing Description : Arabian/Middle Eastern/Bollywood type clothing. Decorative and vibrat Sarees/Saris. Can also be seen wearing these pants and this decorative facial cover.
Accessory Description :
Unique Attributes : A beauty mark near mouth.

Personality
Personality :
  • Independent – Strong willed and fierce, she does not need someone to take care of her. On the contrary she is often forced to watch her younger siblings, cousins, nephews and nieces. Her Independence though doesn't cause her to be a loner, instead it feeds a need to try things she's never tried before. It does however impede her ability to work with others. She'll shoulder the responsibilities of a multi unit if it means that she can do what she needs to do, alone and without others potentiometer screwing up her plans.
  • Competitive – Growing up in a large family where one child is often overlooked Hadaccah had, from an early age, become someone who had to fight fiercely to obtain recognition amongst them all. Simply doing one's best was considered an average quality, she tries to exceed the expectations and do more than she should. This sort of arrogance can cause her to look down on others who simply do their best to impress her or to justify their methods. There is no such thing as minimal or half assed attitudes in her book, you either do better than others are you are less than the garbage on the street.
  • Arrogant – An integral part in her competitive nature and fierce independence, her insanely proud and overbearing nature will not let her accept help under even the dire of situations. Her arrogance and pride often cause her to put her foot in her mouth and make her seem a bit prickly.
  • Greedy – Money savvy and always looking for a good deal, Hadaccah is a true merchant’s daughter. If there is profit to be made she will swindle, lie, and even coherence people into buying something even if they don’t need it. Her greatest aspiration in life is to marry a rich man that will shower her with more materialistic affections. Though focused on coins it does not impede her judgment in choosing to sell things that in the long run will effect her, such as friends, family, and her soul. For Hadaccah profit at times is something more than tangible.
  • Nurturing – Despite all things, she cannot help but be the older sister to others. Having to take care of her own siblings and cousins, Hadaccah, gained her motherly instincts at an early age and can be as gentle or overbearing when she feels someone needs it. This nature is what makes her loyal to her family and friends and what keeps her from considering others, of none blood ties, to be one of her own siblings.

Extras
Hobbies/likes :
  • Money
  • Making Jewelry
  • music, and dance.
  • extraordinary people

Dislikes :
  • The Nobles
  • Womanizers
  • Moneyless suitors
  • Being cold

RoChan

Celestial Pirate


RoChan

Celestial Pirate

PostPosted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 7:14 pm


History
Hadaccah comes from a rather large family with more brothers and sisters than she can keep track of. The third daughter of seven, sixth child of ten, born from the third bride of five and the second son of the head from seven sons, Hadaccah had very little chance to be lonely let alone be noticed amongst her many siblings and other family members. A family made of nomadic herders and merchants; she had siblings, cousins, uncles and nieces in every corner of her life for every moment of it too. From her first word to her first menstrual cycle, nothing was private and somehow her family seemed to know about the things that happened to her before she did! There was no such thing as “me” and “I” instead “we” and “us” reigned which brought with it certain expectations that the men and woman of the tribe were to do. Like ants or bees, each person had a job to do and they needed to do it will in order for the tribe to continue its existence. Her role in the tribe was until she was to be married by a husband chosen by her father, a caretaker of the younger children and be the dutiful daughter.

However, Hadaccah had other plans.

As tradition dictates, when she was young Hadaccah was to be watched by an older sister, most specifically her twelfth oldest sister from the fifth bride, Ayaelet who was in love with Udiel from the tribe of Eylam from Caanon north of the Tiberius River. As a young woman in love, Ayalet was burdened by caring for her younger siblings and persuaded her older brother Yehoshua, to watch them for a while so that she could spend time with Udiel promising him to talk to Eylam about his cousin Galya (whom Udiel was infatuated with). The two made sure to keep their younger siblings quite about the entire exchange by creating a lie that father had sent Ayaelet on an errand. If their father had known of the exchanges the two would find themselves in tears for years to come. Being a clever girl, Hadaccah watched her elder siblings closely, making sure to hear every word of their conversation.

They traded places three more times and on the fourth switch, Hadaccah made her move. Weighing her options carefully, she approached her brother first. He was smarter than Ayaelet but would become dull when under pressure and thus would be more inclined to keep her from revealing the siblings truancies. A few words and bluffs arranged to watch him four times while he did metal work designs to create what her family was most well known for, beautiful jewelry made of precious stones and metals. Hadaccah was instantly mesmerized with the idea of creating something that others could wear. After her first night of watching Udiel create the intricate pieces, she could not sleep her mind thinking of what designs she could bring to life. The second night she was eager to make something and though Udiel protested he finally relented to creating a hair pin of her design. With her brother’s skilled hands it had become the most beautiful hair piece anyone had ever seen. The next two visits consisted of creating more of Hadaccah’s designs.

When the day for the market came, their father had greatly praised Udiel and his skill. All of Hadaccah’s items had sold to a well known aristocrat who had praised the artesian greatly. Many people began to flock to their stall in hopes of obtaining one of the David tribe’s enchanting gems. Though insanely happy, Udiel realized that he had created a problem. His own designs though lovely, where never greatly appreciated as Hadaccah’s had been. Finding himself in a tight spot, Udiel struck a deal with Hadaccah to teach her the craft if she would continue to give him designs. Secretly the two worked and Hadaccah quickly learned the art. It was inevitable that Hadaccah would get tired of letting Udiel take credit for her creations.

When she stopped giving Udiel ideas and highly skilled work, Udiel tried to maintain what he could by stating that he wanted to focus on marriage taking leave of the art to start a family. Their father agreed only if Udiel would make one final set of jewelry. Agreeing to the condition, Udiel returned to plead with his sister to stop her resistance. For her part Hadaccah held out as long as she could but she loved the thrill of twisting and turning the gold, placing the precious stones carefully into place. She knew that it was impossible for her to take the craft and agreed to do one last set. Once the last batch was over Udiel would marry leaving the craft and Hadaccah back to her main duties. With a heavy heart, Hadaccah put all of herself into making even more stunning works. The last set was her masterpiece and far beyond anything that she had ever done before. A set made for a princess… and a princess it would be.

On the day the jewelry was placed to be sold, a servant of the Emperor had come to purchase the items. The princess of Persia, who would be visiting the country, was arriving and he had wanted to present her with a gift. Hadaccah’s creations had been just what the Emperor was looking for to reflect the talent of his people. The princess had been taken by the stunning jewelry that she requested to have another set made for her younger sister.

The entire tribe had been in uproar of joy, Udiel however, had been aghast with the news. He had tried to recreate a similar set without his sister’s assistance, but the damage had been done. Hadaccah had become so skilled she outshined her brother in many ways. In a nervous fit he told the eldest brother, Kafziel, who was the head of the craft below their father. Outraged Kafziel called Hadaccah to see if it was true that it had been her who had designed the beautiful jewelry. Terrified she admitted that she had not just designed them but created them as well. Kafziel immediately explained to their father what had happened and how the two had made fools out of the tribe.

Her father had been silent for a very long time. Four days after the astonishing revelation he called Hadaccah to his tent. Begrudgingly her father admitted that Hadaccah had a gift and it was a blessing. He allowed her to create the requested set and more. She had wept tears of joy at her father’s words and thanked him a thousand times. Hadacccah had been released from the chains of her burden of duties and allowed to follow the path her heart desired. In her heart she thanked the Emperor for seeing the talent that she held and swore her loyalty to him.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:46 pm


Family

Hadaccah's family is rather large, yet she is close to only a few. Her grandfather and father are the most important people to her and hold a great authority over her, yet she rebels against them.

Tribe of David
This tribe is made up of mostly nomadic merchants and herders. They are well known for their intricate details be it in decorative metal works or their woven cloths. Sheep herding is more in regards to helping them sustain themselves as they travel from city to city as well as producing yarn to weave.

Head Chief:
David- Has seven sons and five daughters (of which have been married out). Hadaccah's grandfather. A very traditional man who doesn't like that Hadaccah is more interested in being a merchant, like her father, much less that she is involved with helping the Legion. Though he sides with the Legion, wants Hadaccah back at the tribe and married. Has threatened to disown her five times.

Father:
Issac - Second son of David. A merchant whose main focus is on metal works from fine jewelry to hand held weapons. Doesn't mind that Hadaccah is interested in the crafting of fine jewelry, but does dislike that she is enrolled in helping the emperor. He feels that she needs to get over her affections with the emperor and return to the tribe.

Brothers:
Udiel - One of her older brothers who taught her the craft of decorative metal works. While she is grateful to him, she does hold a bit of bitterness and resentment towards him for utilizing her works under his name.

RoChan

Celestial Pirate


RoChan

Celestial Pirate

PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:48 pm


Questions & Answers
PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:49 pm


-Reserved-

RoChan

Celestial Pirate


RoChan

Celestial Pirate

PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 10:52 pm


-Reserved-
PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 2:57 pm



Okayyyy let’s go. C:

I’ll open this up by saying you have a few grammar errors. There are a bunch of fragments, comma splices, and the likes. It takes away from the overall flow, and sometimes makes things really hard to understand. I can definitely understand having them – sometimes your fingers type faster than your mind, and whatnot – however, I suggest re-reading it and running your document through Microsoft word. Stuff like that - it’ll make your quest a lot nicer.

Secondly, I thank you for using a regular sized font. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alright, anyways, let’s begin.

Your basics & appearance looks good, loose details are always nice. I definitely like seeing a Hebrew name, but I’m biased. ;D However, I’ll nitpick with the “contribution”. Decorative metals works and a spy. Is she going to give them a spy? Or is she a spy. Having a spy, this issues ahs been touched upon before, is a serious thing in the world of Lunaria. We can’t have 12 billion of them, and so we’ll need to see some great reasoning behind it. Also, what will the Legion side do with decorative metal works? Weapons they can use, but what do you been by decorative? I think you should flesh out this section, personally.

Moving on the personality…. The basics check out, you definitely have a good balance of flaws and the likes, which is always great. In her independent trait, it really doesn’t sound like she can work in groups. Furthermore, how does her independence affect her interactions with others? Sure, she’s not a “loner”, but she does seem reserved and it implies that she pushes people away to a certain degree. What happens when she tries to bite off more than she can chew? Your existing traits are good, but I’d like to see them elaborated on to a certain extent to create greater depth.

Alright, onto the history.
-If there is no “I”, how did Hadaccah become so competitive? Wouldn’t this family principal teach her to be accepting of her role? It’s not a conflict, just something that you could expand on.
-In her history Hadaccah displays very few of the previously outlined traits. I did not see competitive qualities, nor did I see the nurturing aspects (and it seems that people were taking care of Hadaccah, not the other way around), I didn’t see independence… In fact, the only trait I could pick out was greedy. This is probably something you should look into. From the history stems the current character – and right now I see two different ones. There should be more consistency between the history and the current character, and when writing about the character you should be able to let his or her traits shine through. It can be tough, but I think you need to come to a conclusion of who Hadaccah really is.

Family looks fine – however, if she’s loyal to her family (nurturing trait), why does she rebel?

Other notes:
-Why is she a Legionnaire? And why does she dislike Nobles?
-Why is she a spy? Nothing in her personally or history indicates she would follow this path.

Overall, you have a few grammatical errors to clean up, but the real issue here is that though you have a relatively solid personality set, there’s some conflict surrounding what Hadaccah is really like. I’d look into that before moving forward. C:

Venexia

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